Matching capacity

Sept 30, 2024. 2022 hrs. 

Bumped into putra, my afs mate back in 2006 and still goin, in facebook messenger. As usual i dont do "how u doin?", instead i do, "are you happy?"

Dinda n putra's bandwidth connects in such a way, thankfully, we dont have to struggle to align frequency.  I started to tell my issue to putra. 

I think i encounter a friend with NPD. Its been very hard to have a healthy conversation and its been very tricky in term of measuring the word, in such a way that it doesnt offend the opposite party. 

First lesson from putra: "Tapi din klo emg dia kayanya gamau dibantu or lo lg ga ada capacity ga perlu dipaksain"

What capacity that i cant provide? Its actually an urge for my to help and reach out. Its my own satisfaction to know if im able to match the frequency. Does this sound too egoistical or selfish?

Ga perlu dipaksain.. if this is about fight or flight respons, i definitely go with fight. I sometime force myself to be helpful. Because at some point, they know that they need us in a way. They know that theyve been unpleasant, have this unmatched wiring in communication, need this connection. And people who walks toward them eventually felt pushed away and leave. But they dont want us to leave. At least thats what they told to me early on. 

"Berjiwa hippo oath sekali ya anda harus membantuuu" kata putra. 

I dont know. That helps me too, in a way i feel like i find a sense of purpose. Nabi Muhammad always met an old woman in daily basis, she harassed and threw trash to him. One day, she wasnt there where she used to at in the neighborhood. Nabi Muhammad found out that the old woman is sick. And he decided to take care of her. The old woman then humbled and inspired by him. Shouldnt we be like Nabi Muhammad?

I replied to putra, "Im surprised that you understand.."

Then putra came to tell me the dark stories of detachment, of letting go, of 'enjoy your life.' 

"At first I was devastated diiin tapi ya gw balikin ke doa jugaaa." Yeah. This is where the ultimate endeavor we can provide from the first place. By keeping them in my prayer, at least i know they are in a good hand since Allah has the best calculation that human cant comprehend.

I asked, "did u reach him out, put?"

"Did u reach him out again?"

"Did you try everything Put?"

He did. He did. And he did. His friend was just vanished. 

Kata putra at last in just-now convo, "As I said sometimes we dont have the capacity."

Thanks put for this matching capacity. This meant a lot. 

I quote one paragraph of story from the book ive been reading recently:

"as a raindrop fell from a pregnant cloud, it looked at the ocean and said, 'who am i compared to this infinite sea?' The raindrop's humility inspired the heart of an oyster to open its shell and let the raindrop inside, transforming in into a beautiful pearl"

You are the raindrop to someone.

I am the raindrop to someone.

She is the raindrop to someone.

He is the raindrop to someone.