for you, you, you, you, and you! :)

aug 2, 2011. 1338 hrs

untuk kamu, kamu, kamu, dan kamu, juga kamu, kamu yang disana, kamu yang disini, dimana-mana.

i have this list of persons i love the most in my entire life in campus. this is not about memilih-milih teman, but fate chose us. it chose us to have more time together, to have more clicks, to possess connections, to drunkenly feel free, to have more this comfy chemistry when we are around.

again, i emphasized that this is not about, pilih-pilih, tapi dipilihin oleh nasib :) this why i thanked Allah so much, in such a mysterious way, unites persons. even though at first, no stories had been fantasized to end up like this.

i threw as much as love i can give to people surround me.
today, i felt like loves have been thrown at me!


how fair Allah is, how fair the love is. dont call me "gombal," but i just found out that this is such a brilliant analogue. the more you give blood, your bone marrow will produce more and more red cells. so your body wouldnt run out of it.

it stated also years ago in my blog ijo that, hati ini can occupy sooo much love, the more you give love, the broader the space to receive more loves. hati seluas jagad. and each person has their own love cells inside.

TE AMO MI AMIGOS!

extra large space for this pict, nyomot dari tumblrnya si robin, rancuy. ;)

reblogged: defects and qualities

july 27, 2011. 0604 am

lets make up the plans! :) *forgetting yesterdays, thanking Allah those days had passed. untuk sementara, rencana yang ini yg paling baik : allocate the desire for Indonesia Mengajar to..... i dont know yet. :)

Paulo Coelho: Defect and Qualities
 

A warrior of the light knows his defects. But he also knows his qualities.
Some of his companions complain all the time: “the others have more chances than we have.”
They may be right, but a warrior does not let that paralyze him, and tries to make the most of his virtues.
He knows that the power of the gazelle is the ability of her legs. The power of the seagull lies in her sure aim at striking the fish. He has learned that a tiger is unafraid of the hyena because he is aware of his own strength.
A warrior seeks to know what he can rely on. He always checks his equipment, comprised of three things: faith, hope and love.
If these three are present, he does not hesitate to move forward.

welcome today! the true miracle of today is the first breath i realized that i am still permitted to wake up. so the soul finally made it back to its body. the rest of the day is a GIFT.

live your 100% even only in their 2 minutes.

july 1, 2011. 0618hrs.

there are persons, we care the most in our lives. we cannot predict when they will leave us behind.

i was sitting with a friend of mine, just two of us in silence, portraying what life would be without her in my reach anymore.
our departures were absolute. so, at the time, what we were doing was making the best out of our x-minutes-left together.

i was helplessly trying to sleep, struggled to catch my every breath, was enjoying every oxygen molecules which came in. tomorrow will never exist at the night we were dreaming about tomorrow. so, i dont know if this soul shall enter the body in the next morning. so, i made the best out of my night.

i may not have hours only for someone. to many people i love, i may have only 2 minutes for each. i live my 100% in those minutes.

we may not see friends anymore. so, if i can meet you, people, i will hug you all in my very closest.
i will let you know how i meant by my only:
2 minutes-hug
hi
sleep-tight-greetings
how are you
prayings

dear people in my life, thanks for filling my liver's spaces ;)

this is a story, reblogged (again) from coelho's

The writer Leo Buscaglia was once invited to be on the jury of a school competition to find ‘the child who cared most for others’.
The winner was a boy whose neighbor, a gentleman of over eighty, had just been widowed.
When he saw the old man sitting in his garden crying, the boy jumped over the fence, sat on the man’s lap and stayed there for a long time.
When he went back home, his mother asked him what he had said to the poor man.
‘Nothing,’ said the boy. ‘He’s lost his wife and that must have really hurt.
“I just went over to help him to cry.”

 

rancapaku pagi ini.

menemukan ym belum dibuka dari dicky: "salah satu pemujaan tingkat terendah pada suatu kepasrahan adalah tidur saat mulai lelah" haha. dang it. susunan katanya bagus.

dari blog paulo coelho,di reblogged dari Bonnie Ware

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
TO READ THE FULL ARTICLE, CLICK HERE

happy day, people!

jangan mau ama yang ga ada. jangan ga mau dengan apa yang udah ada.

june 29, 2011 0532hrs.

setelah melewati malam yang penuh determinasi, membingungkan, bikin resah.

so, i have this classified habit since january. so, its been 6 months. ga pernah tau outcomenya akan baik atau buruk. yang gw tau, nikmatin apa yang gw lakuin sekarang, because apa2 yang menyenangkan will not be there forever, dan kalopun ternyata hal ini jadi masalah, the problem wont last forever. jadi, stay cool.

i decided to stop last night. hahaha, ini semacam gw membicarakan angin yang ga berbentuk. ga tau juga outcome setelah di halt akan baik ato buruk. yang jelas, bikin resah.

so, gw mulai mengalihkan pikiran ke hal2 lain, berupa: nanyain kabar orang2. dan berbicara ttg beberapa hal serius ke beberapa teman2. thx God ada bbm dan ym dan skype dan apapun itu yang mengalihkan.

dengan dicky:
dinda: is being honest a good thing or a bad thing?
dicky: its about measuring something beneficial, not about good or bad
bagus yah. so i put that sentence on my bbm status

dengan rani:
rani: gimana din?
dinda: sudah mulai resah
rani: lo yang mulai, harus siap --> ini bener2 source of energy
dinda: me hug you from here.
i told her i really wished she was here. really. *ga ngegombal
kalo udah jadi anak kosan, kadang kangen ama mama ga segitunya dibanding kangen ama those long nights talking ngalor ngidul ama rani, astri, au, dll

dengan miko:
dinda: kayanya bbrpa hari kedepan lo dan bbrp tmn lain akan gw gangguin terus. gpp ya?
miko: galau tuh biar ga lama emang harus dibagi2, din.
dinda: iya emang, kalo disimpen di satu orang, begitu ilang, ga karuan gitu. samvah.


semoga gw dpt memanfaatkan waktu dengan baik. semoga hal2 penting aja yang gw pikirin. semoga gw menyadari hal2 disekitar gw yang lebih penting untuk dipikirin.

me hug my friends!

better. than nothing to be felt.

june 19, 1003 hrs

this is me inside, looking outside from the other side of window.
watching the coming of sorrow.

thank Allah gives me sadness. at least now i know i am sensing.

*hoping for somebody waking me up from this nightmare becoming daymare.
slap me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

tau whats so good ikut balai pengobatan?
i realized, pasien menunggu our presence.
its nice to know people out there, dont know you, but wait for you.
its always to know that there is something, waiting for us, beside our own death.

*thx for over one semester attention, teaching me not to hope so much, not to wait too long, to be ikhlas along the way, even without knowing the last page of the story.

kuncup mimpi yang berubah jadi nyata.

june 10, 2011, 1755 hrs. *besok sooca

Kita Pernah Saling Memimpikan
Berlari-lari Tuk Wujudkan Kenyataan
Lewati Segala Keterasingan
Lalu Jalan Sempit Yang Tak Pernah Bertuan

Ingatkan Kawan Kita Pernah Berpeluh Cacian
Digerayangi Dan Digeliati Kesepian
Walaupun Sejenak lepas Dari Beban
Tuk lewati Ruang Gelap Yang Teramat Dalam

Hidup Ini Hanya Kepingan
Yang Terasing Di Lautan
Memaksa Kita
Memendam Kepedihan

Tapi Kita Juga Pernah Duduk Bermahkota
Kucup-kucup Mimpi Yang Berubah Jadi Nyata
Dicumbui Harumnya Putik-putik Bunga
Putik Impian Yang Membawa Kita Lupa

Hidup Ini Hanya Kepingan
Yang Terasing Di Lautan
Memaksa Kita
Memendam Kepedihan

Hidup Ini Hanya Kepingan
Yang Terasing Di Lautan
Memaksa Kita
Merubah Jadi Tawa


ngopi miko:
"Klo A sujud syukur depan dosen,
klo B sujud syukur di depan ruangan,
klo Csujud syukur krn ga remed,
klo D sujud syukur bs belajar lebih banyak lagi :)
intinya semuanya harus disyukuri."

ngopi nadhila:
"maksudnya ngapain sih pusing2 mikir ntar gw dpt nilai brp, lulus apa kagak. Toh yang dinilai Allah tuh bukan nilai sooca kita tapi ikhtiarnya."

pasti ada jalan sempit ga bertuan, pasti ada ruang gelap yang dalam.
as well as pasti ada kuncup mimpi yang berubah jadi nyata.

i totally know what i want, Allah knows whats best. let those be synergized (if it is a word).
#sistem yang sedikit adem ayem. malah jadi galau karena kadar galau gw kurang -______-
#alhamdulillah atas ketenangan hati.
#udah maghrib. shalat. tilawah. baca. baca. baca. hingga tetes terakhir!

travel-mates

june 7, 2011. 12.08 pm

katanya, "sport doesnt build characters. it reveals it."

like traveling. it reveals characters. thats why most of the time love grows or hatred flashes between travel-mates. sifat aslinya keliatan.
traveling is one way, for me, to discover the base of my travelmate's iceberg.

i have discovered my mom's iceberg, and my sister's. a lot to learn, and also a lot to handle :) - november 2010
i have discovered my dad's and a lil of my bro's. - july 2006

my favorite mate is my dad! he always will be.

the upcoming trip will be a test. may 'program nyenengin hati mama' berjalan mulus. hope i pass. amin.

*jadi kepikiran, at least once in my life, gw mau traveling ke 1 tempat, dengan orang yang gw suka. pengen liat, in the end, dia masih jadi org yg gw adore apa engga. dan traveling dg orang yang gw ga suka for no reason, we'll see apakah dia jadi pribadi yg menyenangkan ato engga.

*thx to otto yg somehow mengajarkan gw untuk jadi pribadi yang menyenangkan hari ini

*thx to rani, yang udah jadi travel mate yg awesome long weekend kemarin. may my family doesnt intrigue you. haha. hope you had a good time in my folks dining table. peluukk

*thx to th mooi yang ngebawa hawa2 life is bomb! kinda feeling dini hari ini.

*to do list hari ini: email talitha, mr.galvas, beverley, mbak wati. not much to say. but sometimes, hi aja udah bisa melepas penat. #ajaran otto

*happy sooca, people!

dear God, thank you for bringing the soul back to my body today

may 10, 2011. 10.08

i wasnt well enough yesterday to go to campus. this mucus and wheezing, and also vomiting took most of my energy only to breath. by the desire to vomit comes, it even a bit annoying. it was actually hard to fulfill the desire of vomit and breathing in a time.
but it was yesterday. and it wasnt all that bad. bedridden all day long would make me nuts, so i surf the internet, my piles of books, my origami papers.
i finished mitch albom, and that totally lightened up my birthday by starting to admire the intense presence of Allah even more.
i downloaded tomoko fuse, the fabulous origami boxes. that was the one anna had while i was in the states. my had arent that expert anymore, but it was nice to have all the melancholy back!

this is what made the beginning of my day today.

"if you are looking for the miracles God can do with a life, you are looking at one."

to dwikie mandala putra: i was thinking of you last night. i hope u are in a good shape up there.
to fahrani imanina: i can distinguish you from others. thank you! you know i love you, rancuy!
to mikoriza mustofanny: how a good, gentle-mannered man you are!