The bad thing about words is that they make us feel as if we were illuminated and understanding everything. But, when we turn and face the world, we see that reality is completely different from that which we discussed or heard. A warrior seeks to act, and not waste time in useless conversation.
-Carlos Castaneda via paulocoelho.
We got along so well.
'that' familiar to me way more than birth. so far..
jadinya, gw mau acknowledging these people for their kind-treats. yang
membuat 3 hari gw ke belakang menjadi lebih berwarna.
untuk makan malem bareng yang sangat seru dan berbeda sama
krisnaaaaaaa, sama kang barry..
friends quality time yang sangat sangat gw tunggu2 sama nadhila
farrahnas dan gesti rachmani (walopun ga lama)
untuk coklat coklat coklat dari affabile rifawan, much thanks!
smsan sama rahmi ayu umami yang gw kangenin tudemax. it seemed a year
long ga ketemu rahmii :( semoga kamu bahagia..
ofcourse my miko and my ricky laah. yang ngajakin gw nonton di btc,
dan kesana dengan JALAN KAKI. matacii..
sekarang sih gw lagi kangen adhika udah lama ga makan bareng, kangen
astri, dina, sari BANGET, karena the last time we had dinner together,
that was hilarious and fun. *gw jadi ingin mencari, looking looking
looking looking for dr. lukas. yes. nyebut merek. katanya nih, dr.
lukas itu kocak dan pintar sungguh. dan niat bgt ngajarinnya
kangen sama tanri jugaa yang leads to kangen ama vintha moyaa, yang
membuat gw kangen ngocolnya ubay, yang akhir2 ini tampaknya
diminished. hiks.
semoga ilma, tami, rajif skripsinya lancar. semua 09 yang gw kenal.. aamiin..
makasih sama dokter2 yang ngajarin guah! yg ga ngajarin gw, semoga in
the end mereka ngajarin. aamiin
-______- ini kayanya residen2 perlu digaji untuk ngajarin
dekoas-dekoasnya deh.. :( biar ngajarnya semangat, biar punya waktu
buat ngajarin. myeee.
eh. fahrani ga kesebut ya. haha. ah, tak perlu, she knows that i love
her too much.
oh iya, me updating the blog under order of reza fahlevi's request.
haaa, me praying so you happy there and got a lot to learn there.
same prayer goes to tazkia fatimah.
yang ga kesebut, bukan berarti tidak ada di hidup gw. cuma ga ada di 3
hari kebelakang sajoo..
selamat buat canun n fu yang akan menikah, semoga hidup kalian berkah
dan bahagia..
i dont wanna live with hidden feelings, i dont wanna live between bed
and hospital, i wanna live in their hearts. in my friends, my
patients, my teachers, my family's.
ada foto kelompok perseptoran gw yang sangat membangun! Plus 2 anak exchange: ika n joannes yang pintar! Dan baik. Sedih mau pisah. Makasih prof dani ud jadi perseptor yg sangaaaaaaaaatt baik n lenient.
Kelompok perseptoran 5 is welcoming dr. Heda Melinda as our next perceptor. Good luck for us. Dear Allah, please do elevate our knowledge. *sambil download gina asma n tb. Life is never flat, men.
self-trust is not magically handover.
march 25. 1626
"trust is earned, it is not magically handover,"
the phase is commonly said among friends, yang kebetulan jadi status bbmnya chendol dan dulu pernah jadi bahasan bareng fulki.
bedanya dengan menjadi manusia dengan knowledge of healing power, a.k.a doctors, trust IS actually magically handover.
anak perempuan usia 6 bulan datang dengan penurunan kesadaran. si ibu is handing over the trust from herself to the doctors (more than just in magical way). kepercayaan seperti itu bukan hanya diserahkan secara ajaib dan instant tapi dengan kesadaran penuh.
but, does the doctor trust him/herself magically? kayanya sih engga. to me, my own self-trust is not magically presence within me. i earned it, i practiced it to be discovered. udah maksimalkah my self-trust? belum. i am on my way. but at least, i passed the phase of self-doubting and now looking forward to an optimal and logical self-trust to be actually there inside me.
good God, i worry too much. mmm, i dont wanna underestimate myself by saying i'm a chicken. i worry too much, i worry that i did was misplaced, or simply wrong.
day 1 jaga igd. the trust to nasogastric-tubing was magically handed over to me dari seorang residen #1. me had seen a few times on youtube the procedure in real human, only once in the real hospital. and all of the sudden, i gotta do it with my groupmate supervising me. the guy IS my group mate, has 3,5 years studying medicine LIKE me, but he has way more guts. he did NGT twice already, me none, at the time. i had no self-trust in NGT-ing. the trust just werent there when i need it.
i NGT-ed this bronchopneumonia-ed patient (different patient with the above subject), i stucked. i just couldnt pass the tube through the nasal. nice God though, the resident#1 who tried after me also failed. so, may be other variables other than my lack of self-confidence, determined the failed procedure.
day 2 jaga igd. now, the trust was earned. resident#2 teached me how to NGT, he supervised me when i tried my first, though i failed, he FIRM-ly correcting all the faults, then i earned my confidence, lastly, i did ngt and ogt already. i earned the responsibility.
kata residen#2 kurang lebih, 'emang ada yang keberaniannya dari awal udah gede, bahkan walaupun salah, tetep aja berani. ada yang keberaniannya mesti dimunculin. kapan munculnya? ya selama practice. latian terus, lama kelamaan kepercayaan diri bakal makin gede.'
jadi ya... seperti itu, lucky them has bigger guts in facing challenges, but lucky me has and is still trying to undestand that from life we still gotta and need to learn.
fiuh.
"trust is earned, it is not magically handover,"
the phase is commonly said among friends, yang kebetulan jadi status bbmnya chendol dan dulu pernah jadi bahasan bareng fulki.
bedanya dengan menjadi manusia dengan knowledge of healing power, a.k.a doctors, trust IS actually magically handover.
anak perempuan usia 6 bulan datang dengan penurunan kesadaran. si ibu is handing over the trust from herself to the doctors (more than just in magical way). kepercayaan seperti itu bukan hanya diserahkan secara ajaib dan instant tapi dengan kesadaran penuh.
but, does the doctor trust him/herself magically? kayanya sih engga. to me, my own self-trust is not magically presence within me. i earned it, i practiced it to be discovered. udah maksimalkah my self-trust? belum. i am on my way. but at least, i passed the phase of self-doubting and now looking forward to an optimal and logical self-trust to be actually there inside me.
good God, i worry too much. mmm, i dont wanna underestimate myself by saying i'm a chicken. i worry too much, i worry that i did was misplaced, or simply wrong.
day 1 jaga igd. the trust to nasogastric-tubing was magically handed over to me dari seorang residen #1. me had seen a few times on youtube the procedure in real human, only once in the real hospital. and all of the sudden, i gotta do it with my groupmate supervising me. the guy IS my group mate, has 3,5 years studying medicine LIKE me, but he has way more guts. he did NGT twice already, me none, at the time. i had no self-trust in NGT-ing. the trust just werent there when i need it.
i NGT-ed this bronchopneumonia-ed patient (different patient with the above subject), i stucked. i just couldnt pass the tube through the nasal. nice God though, the resident#1 who tried after me also failed. so, may be other variables other than my lack of self-confidence, determined the failed procedure.
day 2 jaga igd. now, the trust was earned. resident#2 teached me how to NGT, he supervised me when i tried my first, though i failed, he FIRM-ly correcting all the faults, then i earned my confidence, lastly, i did ngt and ogt already. i earned the responsibility.
kata residen#2 kurang lebih, 'emang ada yang keberaniannya dari awal udah gede, bahkan walaupun salah, tetep aja berani. ada yang keberaniannya mesti dimunculin. kapan munculnya? ya selama practice. latian terus, lama kelamaan kepercayaan diri bakal makin gede.'
jadi ya... seperti itu, lucky them has bigger guts in facing challenges, but lucky me has and is still trying to undestand that from life we still gotta and need to learn.
fiuh.
doctors, deals, difficult, decisions, do dare dinda!
"good doctors are good team players, because health care is complex, and nobody knows everything, and nobody knows how to relate to every patient and his or her unique needs." - oxford handbook clinical medicine.
there are rules that stated there tentang good team players:
1) all members are valuable, no one is replacable
2) each member is responsible for everything (including for the group's malfunctions)
3) every members needs encouragement!
thanks untuk daarwin yang bilang:
"kamu will be a doc, dinda, you gotta deal with it."
ketika gw merasa sangat sangat sangat sangat sangat takut untuk nge-PE pasien Steven Johnson Syndrome yang nangis mulu kesakitan, yang bikin gw pengen nangis, yang bikin gw ngerasa bahwa dokter itu cuma menambah penderitaan dia, karena physical exam yg kita lakuin itu cuma bikin dia suffers more.
thanks to valen yang being such a good ko as yang selalu nurutin perintah residen, play inside rules, never break the lines. her presence limits my ignorance, ketika gw merasa masa bodoh sama undefine life called co-as.
thanks to the patients yang so cooperative dan lucu dan bawel. they makes doctors feels happy, their expression stated that doctors are the helpers. thanks to the patients yang nangis mulu, yang even to breath they need to struggle, because they somehow alarmed us that still, we arent God who's curing.
dokter muda..
march 1, 1925
isi hati siapa yang tahu? toh tujuan kita tetap sama : jadi dokter.
caranya bagaimana, mungkin cuma aku dan Tuhanku yang tahu,
dia dengan tuhannya.
sampai kesini bukan proses seringan membalikkan telapak tangan,
ini hasil tiga setengah tahun duduk mengamati, melaksanakan,....hasil belajar.
hasil pulang malem dari kosan temen, ngebahas soal
hasil ping2 buzz2 alarm2 dari mereka u/ngafalin sooca
hasil bantuan si itu, itu, dan itu u/ ngambil data skripsi dan bimbingan bareng
hasil sms/ym/mention/apapun doa temen2 untuk kita,
doa kita untuk temen2
sekarang gw udah sampe disini, dia udah sampai disini, mereka juga.
aku, kamu, dia sudah ada di garis nasib yang sama.
aku, kamu, dia punya harapan yang sama
aku, kamu, dia punya kekhawatiran yang sama
tapi nantinya, pasti, kita punya cerita yang berbeda
selama aku masih akan mewarnai harimu,
selama kamu masih akan melihat, jalan bersama, berjuang denganmu
harus kita tulis cerita kita yang indah
indah itu berarti penuh hormat dan sayang
cerita kita yang selalu saling mengingatkan,
kita yang tidak pernah melupakan
kita yang berarti aku, kamu, dia.
family means no one's left behind
a cheerful heart is good medicine,
but crushed spirit breaks up the bone
ya Allah, jadikanlah kami manusia2 yang mampu menjaga nama baik dan martabat kami dan keluarga kami. tuntunlah kami ke arah yang tidak merugikan. aamiin.
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