A donkey carrying books

 Sept 28, 1615 hrs

"A donkey carrying books," a new idiom i got from the book i decide to engage right after my second round of Susan Cain's first book (if im not mistaken) Quiet. The idiom means you read a book but didnt understand the meaning or didnt implement the lesson u got from the book.

Ive been procrastinating. I started to lose sense of writing again. But im gonna write it bored, write it numb. Argh i dont want it it numbb.

I established phases in high school, university, residency in a world of extroverts at least i thought they were. After i read the book, i questioned everything. Ah, i see, they might act like an extroverts to meet the expectation: meeting peers.

This Susan Cain book elaborates that, it is a struggle to one cope into a new level of life. Toddler, teenager, high school, college/univ, workplace, and ultimately marriage. Its been actually widely believed that one might not be a pure introvert or extrovert. 

Some might be, what she refers as gregarious could be also a contemplative person. So this concept actually falls into spectrum instead of an exact black and white. Some might be a quiet but do a lot of action and jump into an outgoing activities. 

She literally mentioned about many theories based on many research and Many background stories which actually some of it pushed me away from the book for being too scientific. Its like reading journal paper. I took it super slowly. 

But what really struck me is that, even thou i feel like easily engaged to other people. I never really thing about whats going on in their head. They might be look interested, but in some of my speaking opponent has to spend extra energy to focus of what im saying, push their brain too much to think of the reply.

And everyone has to respect and embrace their own selves first. If u think you dont wanna chitchat, its always okay to do a U turn, turn around away from people you dont want to do gibberish talk. 

But if meeting people is your need, like myself, always consider that the person we see in front of us is never been a reality. Its must be something going on in their head. Whether they like the convo, or they strive to finish the discussion, or they struggle to elaborate their thinking process to match their sparring partner. A lot to consider. And this is book actually, i think, i good source of leadership.

Jump into my daily civilization:

1. Mas irsyad is somewhat introvert, i try my best to pay attention when he become weary of my socialization hour. And i deeply appreciate that in fact he also make effort for me to meet my socialization's need.

2. I met 4 foreigners in my hospital.  Walk toward one of them. 2 girls in some distant range, 1 busy cameraman moving away from the circle, and 1 cameraman just about to walk away. I could see one agigated person when he saw i walked toward them. I pick the agitated one, and i say, "hi, are you recording for the new building in the hospital?" And he said in a fluent english american accent, "im sorry i dont speak english." Bull shit man bull shit. I laughed myself silently, ofcourse with my judgemental pride, i was so right. But actually, i might wrong too. Thats the funny thing about human interaction, we produce splitting images of theories toward each other. 

3. I learned that my son might be more dominant in introversion type. He would came home and bragged about his drawing that he finished during lunchtime. Quite with details, it took some time to draw it. When at home, he would switch to a talkative mode, but i realized i rarely know him at school. I would pick him up at his drawing extracuricullar class, he made convo too with friends. Not like an extra quiet kid. So im gonna observe longer.

4. My preference of circle: 2-3 people, its a ideal number to build a strong bond. The connection is established easier and more open. We reciprocate an equal amount of talking, listening, and usually ended up with me had this spiking level of romance to write and extracting lesson from their learning curve. When i attended a 8-9 extroverted group of buddies, i found drown into listening and observing and contemplating instead of trying to match and jump into their energetic convo.