Bentar lagi 1B

June 30 2018 ( on the way home after submitting my 1st self reflection) 11.51 am

Setelah ujian CBD sama dr. Kemal di tempat futsal yg hanya menyisakan satu rasa : 

Lupa rasanya berprestasi

If the world know how its like trying to climb a big tree just to see a glimpse of light in a darkest valley. It feels like far from possible. No self esteem. No love to self no love to others no humaniora. Just you and how make things look good from the outside.

Mungkin harus belajar rebuilding my ruined self esteem. Mungkin dg bersyukur. Udah lama jauh dari Allah. Lupa bahwa dulu we were used to be decent. 

In days like these with this kinda rude routine, it seems like me losing senses. Sense of seeing sparkles. Instead easily hurt and irritated, more over let the negavity ruins senses of being grateful. 

Well.. I need to look around searching for strenght to hang on.

Do you want to be common?

September 13, 2017

Last night, I finally felt the urge to write. About anything, but I just cannot. I have topics to discussed, if not with others, then with myself. Roles as mother, when I realized that I didn’t know how to mother. As a daughter, when I had argument with my mom and dad considering my future and family. As a wife, when little article slapped me, telling me how to be a good serving wife, instead of what I have done now.

I used to have freedom to write, because I stood up my own opinion based on my own background. I used to believe that I cannot be common. I need to be different.

Once I marry my husband, I have deep responsibility to protect his dignity and security. I am too afraid to break the comfort. Once I have a baby, I profusely spend my resource trying to be a good mother without knowing how. Even worse, once I am inside the institution, I am frightened by people’s judgement. 

At first, I thought I was living in the world of ‘no questions asked.’ I cannot be me, I cannot be nice, silent is much better than ideas. Suppressing the idea and no bravery to say opinion has been around within the culture. For some period, I believe that staying calm, down to earth, and keep silent are the key to strive and survive, just go with the flow. But then, what is the purpose of spending 4 years pretending?

But here, today, I saw many role models of being different and disruptive. If I start usual, I will be usual. If we start different, we will end outstanding. Living a life of a doctor, as one said, like putting one leg on the edge of a cliff. At anytime, we can fall and fail. Patients may die, one may be fail, but its how we react toward nature.

Kata mas irsyad, we are in the world of diamond mining. We are surrounded with brilliant and intelligent people. We cannot be just a diamond, kita harus jadi berlian yang loncat-loncat.

Thanks to teh nada and keken to respond my vague thought. Thanks to mas danny and mas adly for telling us that we are not living in ‘that’ dark dark world and mankind are kind.  

prior to KKN

gw akan belajar sebanyak-banyaknya! akan gw rekam, dan harus gw jadikan momen yang tidak tergantikan! semoga Allah memudahkan : KKN kita, skripsi kita, any kinds of path which will be taken for us.

munafik.

may 17, 2011. 04.00 am

kemarin pagi ngedengerin radio:
"tanda2 orang munafik itu 1) ketika bicara, ia berdusta, 2) ketika berjanji, ia ingkar, 3) ketika dipercaya, ia khianat."

a doctor has so much of these chances to be a hypocrite.

mentioned it, physically inactive, nicotine, caffeine, alcohol. hypocrisy to self. may God forgive. amin.
karena kadang mahasiswa kedokteran (saya) membutuhkannya.

astagfirullahaladzim.

semoga kebaikan yang kami lakukan semasa hidup kami bisa menjauhkan kami dari neraka-Mu dan mendekatkan kami ke surga-Mu.

jangan sampai kita successfully developed in a destructing way, to self, or to others. *teguran untuk diri sendiri, teguran untuk diri sendiri. muhasabah untuk diri sendiri.

Parasitic twin.
A parasitic twin is the result of the processes that produce vanishing twins and conjoined twins, and may represent a continuum between the two. Parasitic twins occur when a twin embryo begins developing in utero, but the pair does not fully separate, and one embryo maintains dominant development at the expense of the other. Unlike conjoined twins, one ceases development during gestation and is vestigial to a mostly fully formed, otherwise healthy individual twin. The undeveloped twin is defined asparasitic, rather than conjoined, because it is incompletely formed or wholly dependent on the body functions of the complete fetus.