Oct 26, 2024
Just got off a 1.5 hour phone call from a friend. Basically we discussed about "culture" shock, to him as in environment changes, to me as in human behaviour.
His culture shock was obvious, pure living adaptation to understand a new way of living. Mine was something in disguise and delicate, because i want to understand a new way to understand.
As we grow and do a lot of exercise to encounter people, we will have "hunches" to see malfunctioned person, especially emotionally malfunction. Why do i say "hunch"? Because you cant see it objectively. Physical disabilities may be very prominent and obviously shown. But emotional disabled people, they will be surprisingly functional to do chores but they are toxic in certain level. Unfortunately though, you cant see how toxic they are until you encounter them (maybe) daily/routinely.
For these past few months, i read books related to sophisticated way to understand people.
1. Bittersweet by susan cain - basically told me how longing and having sorrow somehow one of two sides of coins. Its bitter and sweet.
2. Quiet by susan cain - made me understand people sometimes are introverts who doesnt talk much but they are forced to meet certain expectations. And most of them hide their true selves behind a book/pods/journal/whatever they gear to face the outer world who cant stop talking
3. No longer human by osamu dazai - a sad story from a suicidal author who wrote a story about himself living of a shameless life of not fitting the society. How he doesnt desire, he doesnt feel, he doesnt need anything. He cannot say his emotion.
4. Maps of meaning by jordan petterson - a logical way to hide/avoid (if i can use my own preference of diction, while he would say "control over your capacity to control") things that might drag you to domain of chaos. Basically say, from my understanding, that just drop things that make your life in chaos, focus on yourself. (And at some point i sensed that this petterson way to describe it as "focus on yourself, and just ignore other people, they dont matter to you"
5. When the body says no by gabor mate - a finishing book of my own journey to understand people (hopefully). He dissects to a very basic human relatiosnhip to their own past experience, trauma, and who makes them who they are now especially the disease developed inside their bodies due to their unfinished repressed emotion, fear, anxiety, loneliness. Including on how i relate to myself of the consequences of being too nice, too understanding actually not really a good thing if being too nice/understanding means losing your own interest/free will.
I came to conclusion in a positive way is that every persona has their own definition in this world, and they play their part. I dont have to intervene even though i see that might be a bomb-ticking explosion in some way or another in people who repressed their emotions. Since i dont have the capacity to put everyone in my plate. I need to invest in my core people whose energy oscillates in my real life. Whose kiss and hug elevates my mood, whose convo deepen my meaning somehow in my/their lives. Who stays.
I also came to conclusion in a negative way, as i quoted from my conversation with my friend just this evening that these toxic people (even thou they are part of the world, part of your life, a person who you once had a good time with, a person who meant a lot to you in some phase of your life, or you cant imagine that you would be in this era without them, you still keep them in your prayers as you promised, will be a two pages in your life, or a chapter, or a book of your writing as if they are really meant to you, i sound so emo wkwk) either you give them a smile, or you give them a frown, they will stay toxic. No matter how you respected them, treated them well as you wanted yourself to be treated, some just has failed not because they wanted to fail you, (i am being still positive) because they doesnt have the capability, doesnt have the heart, doesnt have the willingness. Their intention at first might be not "to fail you" but they just didnt passed the test.
As khalil gibran said, and i quoted this to in my previous writing, its impossible for a turtle to swift like a deer. But damn i also believe a constant waterdrop soften the rock. Its not the strength of the water, but the continuity to soften the rock. The same way as the hardened heart.
They wouldnt and couldnt understand you as much as you would not and could not understand them, its a vice versa. If they are not in your plate, its always okay to let them go, for in long term consequences, they reduce your strength and even worse can counter attack your immunity if you start to give up your autonomy.
No comments:
Post a Comment