No longer human pt. 2

 Oct 12, 2024. 0554 hrs

Shall we continue? These are some context before we got into my sense of emergency.

The main character in the book, Yozo, was a part of a big wealthy family. The youngest of 10. And he had zero interest in anything. One day his dad had to do a faraway business trip and asked each of his kids what kind of present they wanted for after trip.

Yozo, stood in silence, he didnt want anything. But that made his dad furious for taking too long to think of which present yozo wanted. His dad said, "How about a lion mask?" 

And Yozo write it down in and included it in the list of presents written by the 10 of his sibling, 'lion mask.' Something that he didnt want, he didnt feel any desire toward. Yet he complied. He didnt want to piss anyone. And he grew just like that.

He had this emptiness of not wanting anything. He acknowledged himself as a person who never got hungry, yet people force him to eat. And he ate the food out of respect. But inside he felt and all the courtesy in society made him anxious. 

Yozo was the class clown in schools, he made joke out of himself, people would laugh, but deep inside its not a joke, its a cry for help by telling others what he underwent in such a manner people think it is a joke. That was not a joke. Yozo was a charm, but he admitted, he fooled anyone. 

Never had any plan for his future. In the story, when he survived a suicidal attempt, he lived with his uncle who asked,"what is it do you want in life?," let alone clarify how to make money. He wanted to be an manga artist. A painter. And he did well, out of his negativity he did well, at least he could provide alcohol and cigarettes for himself.

He was attractive to women. A lof of girls fell for him. But that only buzzing mosquitos for him. He wanted them to go away, but he always treated them with respect. 

He found warmth in older women most of the time. he tried to couple suicide with Women he fell into. Leaving him all alone. 2 girlfriends had been successfully died in their attempts. He survived only expand the emptiness.

How he viewed women? He didnt like company. He didnt like being responsible for other human being. He would go for one night stand instead when he didnt have to caress anyone. All the women he went for one night stand he described as idiot. A very hatred way to choose the word idiot, i would say. 

But in the end, he decided to marry young lady, who put all her belief in him, took him for what he is. Altough most of time he covered himself so the wife didnt see the real him. But then the convo between them got cold, she didnt enjoy much of his company n vice versa. One word i can remember right now, he described his role as a husband as, an errand-runner. Duh kesian bgt. I felt pity on him. He missed so much. 

And he decided to leave his wife and daughter for their sake. He didnt want to interfere their happiness. Padahal maybe he is a part of their happiness, but he is too clouded ya ga sih? Im trying to be positive of his presence. Idk how the wife really feels, osamu didnt describe. but yozo was gone, the book didnt mention whether he killed himself, or just gone. The wife handed yozo's diary to the writer (ceritanya) and the writer made this book out of yozos notebook.

Segini dulu..