Bummer: Nothing really special worth writing

 Oct 19, 2024. 0934 hrs

"yesterday went well?"

"Yep all is good. How bout u?"

"Just like usual. Nothing really special worth writing," i said.

Beneran ga ada yg worth writing? Mungkin ada. But i am too cloudy to see the little sparkles, i guess.

I think i forced myself to write. Btw, i used the diction "forced," i have a thought about it:

Once i got this message from a long lost friend, "yeah honestly, now that I think about it, in true love, true friendshipa lot of effort, shouldn't feel like a lot of effort."

The more i think about it, the more see myself disagree to that statement. At the time, the according sentence sounds beautifully arranged.

At some point in our lives, we do have to make a lot of effort at first to do something, even if we feel reluctant. For example is praying. 

Isnt it too abstract to worship something unseen? Or having faith over something we cant touch? Any human with logic once in his/her lifetime would question the greater power inside and outside our action called God. But then as Allah promised we make one effort one step and Allah will come closer one hasta. Itu aja sama Tuhan the most generous. Gimana sama manusia? Ofcourse we even have to go extra miles to understand true love or true friendship, we need to put a lot of effort. Theres no such things as going with flow. Friendship and love always takes 2 heads to tango, its about meeting people halfway, two parties had to make the effort. 

Thats what i thought about effort. Ya emg hrs effort, sorry to say. 

Then im gonna write about things actually worth writing:

I had finished all my patients for my policlinic day.  The nurse said im free to leave. Then a mom of small stature 17 yo girl came into my room. I thought i have finished. 

"Saya ga daftar poli dok. Cuma mau ngasih ini. Anak saya bulan lalu akhirnya mens.. saya udah janji kalo anak sy mens, saya mau ngasih hadiah ke dokter."

This girl stopped having menstruation since 6 years ago. They had been confused and they didnt have answer to it. Sebegitunya ternyata.. to me, this was just another case aja. Banyak yg kaya begini. Tp to be the one who experienced mungkin sebegitunya frustrated. Frustration for the mother and the young lady.

Si ibunya nangis, anaknya juga nangis. I used to this awkward moment, i knew what to do. I liked the moment. But short after that i plunge into routines that clouds my head, and forgetting that this moment i should be grateful. 

Ini cerita begini actually putting myself to be vulnerable (to appear snob/brag, thats not what i intend, but its up to you how you perceive). For posting like this i didnt put the link up to my IG story. I never repost my patients tag over instagram because it felt wrong. This also a bit awkward. But i feel like i wanna remember the moment, one day i scroll thru my pages, and i can recall this day. 

Satu lagi cerita ttg si ibu istri dubes di amerika. Came to me with uterine prolaps. She was an independent old lady. Very majestic, speaks fluent english. I did all my consultation in english. Oh how i loved it. She got 4 kids, noone accompany her to the hospital. Theyre all busy, she said, and she felt reluctant to mention her probs to her kids. 

Long story short, i sent her to operating theatre, she was wheeled by her daughter. Other obgyn doing the surgery that i am not competent to do for her case. She gave me jilbab and after her surgery we still talked over WA. I am afraid she felt lonely. I dont want my mom felt lonely. Nor any other peoples mom. 

So, "nothing worth writing" sounded wrong. Just force myself to write and be grateful.