january 29/ 2115
ga nyangka, after a while, the feeling comes back. please read this first: "sekarang atau 50 tahun lagi."
waktu dulu gw maba, kakak2 kelas yang ngeospek gw mendewa2kan adult learning (yang semuanya pakai logika, semuanya berdasarkan data, yang semuanya secara ideal tampak benar dan ya ideal), yang jauh dari sami'na wa atho'na, kami dengar, dan kami taat. tanpa telaah.
semakin jauh dari idealisme mahasiswa baru yang masih fresh euforia 'yes, i am the man,' di kampus ini, semakin kerasa lelahnya menelaah peraturan dan keputusan yang kadang out of logic. temen2 pada suka bilang: 'namanya juga fk', and all statements which implied surrender and theres-nothing-we-can-do stuff.
there's always something we can do. masalahnya: do we care and dare to do it? misalnya, do we care untuk ketemu dr. nadjwa untuk ngundur waktu final draft submission yang emang ga masuk akal dari awal? if yes, do we dare ketemu dokter yang.....sebenernya bikin gw sedikit deg2an.
cukup dengan care and dare? engga. mesti istiqamah, mamen.
care and dare itu acute treatment, istiqamah itu chronic. tapi kalo masalah culture, bureaucracy yang super aneh dan ga ngerti lagi ini, ini butuh lebih dari istiqamah. butuh obsession dan repeated chances untuk ngebenerin ini semua.
care --> dare --> continuity --> strength --> obsession to make up all the mess.sumpah, males ngurusin ginian. tapi kalo gw ga seneng, atau at least membuat hal ini sesuatu yg bikin gw berkembang. 3,5 tahun gw ngurusin angkatan, cuma debu yang disapu ilang. hell. i gotta tak some benefits from this. i gotta learn from things i dislike the most.
gertak sambal.
jan 26, 0624
ini kultur fk unpad bgt. apa kultur ppsk banget?
"kumpulin skripsi tanggal 19! kalo engga, nunda koass 6 bulan!" nyatanya toh diundur sampai tanggal 23 desember. nyatanya toh ttp ada sidang susulan. kaya semacam keputusan2 yang diambil oleh atasan fakultas di awal selalu ga masuk akal.
"harus lulus osce, kalo ga lulus ga usah proceed ke next station, karena harus ngulang tahun depan!" nyatanya toh diantara dokter2 penguji itu ga pernah senafas. ga pernah. miskomunikasi yang harusnya menjadi hal yang unusual, di fk unpad ini malah jadi sebuah penyerta wajib di setiap kegiatan. mahasiswa itu elemen mutlak yang dirugikan.
ini apa takdir mahasiswa angkatan 08 aja yang ditarik-ulur kaya gini, apa memang dari 10 tahun yang lalu kaya gini sih? enggalah, kayanya dari angkatan2 atas emang semuanya kaya gini.
gw sih kesel sebenernya. terutama ketika, again, and again, temen2 disuruh ngisi form yang again dan again isinya sama dengan data yang udah gw susun, gw sortir, dan gw email langsung, temen2 masiiihhhh aja disuruh dealing ama yang namanya judul skripsi, biodata, dll.
kalo manajemennya bagus, gw yakin, sebenernya diantara pak iqbal n bu cicih itu bisa komunikasi langsung. toh, selalu lebih gampang mnransfer data pake USB, instead of ngumpulin form satu per satu orang.
belum lagi cerita temen2 di perpus. yang rajin2, emang rajin minjem buku. tapi manajemen perpusnya berantakan, yang rajin malah end up bayar buku yg 'katanya' belum dikembaliin. yang harusnya bayar denda x puluh ribu, bisa dikorting jadi x-60 puluh ribu. ini tuh akar mudharatnya dari siapa sih.
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lelah memang when we have this imagination of such an ideal life, honest and clear bureaucracy, innocent, sinless, beneficial surrounding, tapi nyatanya all opposes. then we need to break the culture. kalo ga ada we, mungkin only i. itupun kalo gw masih mau. hahaha.
sampah emang things like this fading idealism.
politics can be a noble career, a smart game, or a nuisance. - oscar wilde. God, please! i dont wanna deal with bureaucracy.
ini kultur fk unpad bgt. apa kultur ppsk banget?
"kumpulin skripsi tanggal 19! kalo engga, nunda koass 6 bulan!" nyatanya toh diundur sampai tanggal 23 desember. nyatanya toh ttp ada sidang susulan. kaya semacam keputusan2 yang diambil oleh atasan fakultas di awal selalu ga masuk akal.
"harus lulus osce, kalo ga lulus ga usah proceed ke next station, karena harus ngulang tahun depan!" nyatanya toh diantara dokter2 penguji itu ga pernah senafas. ga pernah. miskomunikasi yang harusnya menjadi hal yang unusual, di fk unpad ini malah jadi sebuah penyerta wajib di setiap kegiatan. mahasiswa itu elemen mutlak yang dirugikan.
ini apa takdir mahasiswa angkatan 08 aja yang ditarik-ulur kaya gini, apa memang dari 10 tahun yang lalu kaya gini sih? enggalah, kayanya dari angkatan2 atas emang semuanya kaya gini.
gw sih kesel sebenernya. terutama ketika, again, and again, temen2 disuruh ngisi form yang again dan again isinya sama dengan data yang udah gw susun, gw sortir, dan gw email langsung, temen2 masiiihhhh aja disuruh dealing ama yang namanya judul skripsi, biodata, dll.
kalo manajemennya bagus, gw yakin, sebenernya diantara pak iqbal n bu cicih itu bisa komunikasi langsung. toh, selalu lebih gampang mnransfer data pake USB, instead of ngumpulin form satu per satu orang.
belum lagi cerita temen2 di perpus. yang rajin2, emang rajin minjem buku. tapi manajemen perpusnya berantakan, yang rajin malah end up bayar buku yg 'katanya' belum dikembaliin. yang harusnya bayar denda x puluh ribu, bisa dikorting jadi x-60 puluh ribu. ini tuh akar mudharatnya dari siapa sih.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
lelah memang when we have this imagination of such an ideal life, honest and clear bureaucracy, innocent, sinless, beneficial surrounding, tapi nyatanya all opposes. then we need to break the culture. kalo ga ada we, mungkin only i. itupun kalo gw masih mau. hahaha.
sampah emang things like this fading idealism.
politics can be a noble career, a smart game, or a nuisance. - oscar wilde. God, please! i dont wanna deal with bureaucracy.
hilang 1 kekhawatiran..
jan 25, 2012 0517.
finally the day of 24th went by, which means the day i presented my minor thesis research was done, which means, literally 5 characters have been added to the last part of my name: S.Ked :)
so, its been 3,5 years studying medicine, and it is still not enough, we got another 1,5 years co-assisting, and 1 year internship, so yah. still, we're not a doctor yet, we're student. its tiring, maybe, but at least, hilang 1 kekhawatiran. -bebelac 3. to be grateful is an option.
after walked out of the 'court', i went to this conversation with a very good friend of mine. about how he couldnt imagine, at first, that he would be in this phase, actually got the degree. stories after stories people underestimated, but i learned from that it is he chooses his own future. no matter how people look down on this person.
once one said, 'when i was a kid, they said that i can be anything i want, then, i decided to be a legend."
therefore this story about just about to become a doctor is legendary enough. for some. for the other some, this story means another beginning of hard works and kick butts.
the other day, i rode a bus from jakarta to jatinangor, i went to a conversation with new marriage couple, but they arent that young. the wife, to whom i talked to, was a teacher. she told me about school-kids' phases, start from knowing friends, opposite sex friends, deep friendships and networking, understanding money, understanding relationship, trusteeship, understanding passion and start to think about what they really wanna be.
from that i understand, not all people nice and what we expected to be in an instant way. to be wise and mature, they need to have problems. they have to know how to overcome. they need to know what to protect, their rights and their duties.
i was admiring a man whose from the very beginning his leadership showed from when he was in junior high, i used to think that kinda performance is inherited. and i used to look down on a person, who seemed very childish in his late teens and early twenties.
when i made friendship and had enough of deep conversations to get to know them well, the person i admired goes to a sense of detachment of a family (well, it doesnt mean that he's like a broken home, or stuff like that) he is just, a "professional" kid, even if to the parents, he acted professional, if i may say, emotionless.
this childish friend of mine, in the end i knew that he might not lead his surroundings, but still maturity comes along the way if we learn. i thought that leading is always a massive movement. i now know that stirring your own destiny, to actually become a doctor, for your own sake or your parents' sake, is leading. to actually lead yourself to reach the goal, to lead yourself to an end of a journey.
people might grew in the different way, producing different kinds of people. people may grow and lead a massive citizens, may only lead a family or a self, but they are all good humans, it depends only of which way we see them.
finally the day of 24th went by, which means the day i presented my minor thesis research was done, which means, literally 5 characters have been added to the last part of my name: S.Ked :)
so, its been 3,5 years studying medicine, and it is still not enough, we got another 1,5 years co-assisting, and 1 year internship, so yah. still, we're not a doctor yet, we're student. its tiring, maybe, but at least, hilang 1 kekhawatiran. -bebelac 3. to be grateful is an option.
after walked out of the 'court', i went to this conversation with a very good friend of mine. about how he couldnt imagine, at first, that he would be in this phase, actually got the degree. stories after stories people underestimated, but i learned from that it is he chooses his own future. no matter how people look down on this person.
once one said, 'when i was a kid, they said that i can be anything i want, then, i decided to be a legend."
therefore this story about just about to become a doctor is legendary enough. for some. for the other some, this story means another beginning of hard works and kick butts.
the other day, i rode a bus from jakarta to jatinangor, i went to a conversation with new marriage couple, but they arent that young. the wife, to whom i talked to, was a teacher. she told me about school-kids' phases, start from knowing friends, opposite sex friends, deep friendships and networking, understanding money, understanding relationship, trusteeship, understanding passion and start to think about what they really wanna be.
from that i understand, not all people nice and what we expected to be in an instant way. to be wise and mature, they need to have problems. they have to know how to overcome. they need to know what to protect, their rights and their duties.
i was admiring a man whose from the very beginning his leadership showed from when he was in junior high, i used to think that kinda performance is inherited. and i used to look down on a person, who seemed very childish in his late teens and early twenties.
when i made friendship and had enough of deep conversations to get to know them well, the person i admired goes to a sense of detachment of a family (well, it doesnt mean that he's like a broken home, or stuff like that) he is just, a "professional" kid, even if to the parents, he acted professional, if i may say, emotionless.
this childish friend of mine, in the end i knew that he might not lead his surroundings, but still maturity comes along the way if we learn. i thought that leading is always a massive movement. i now know that stirring your own destiny, to actually become a doctor, for your own sake or your parents' sake, is leading. to actually lead yourself to reach the goal, to lead yourself to an end of a journey.
people might grew in the different way, producing different kinds of people. people may grow and lead a massive citizens, may only lead a family or a self, but they are all good humans, it depends only of which way we see them.
hide feelings.
me: "life has never been easy, but it always good"
a friend: "life is not always good. our 'good' feelings may oscillate to other person's sadness. like jealousy."
this only a part of a small conversation. emphasize the lesson my mom told me over years ago, which i havent find out how, to hide feelings, like The Queen. her smiles implied either pleasure or grief.
its a good thing, i think to start to hide feelings. if we cry, some may have pity on us, some may think we are weak, which is lame and shows a little of feminine views. if we laugh to free, some may think its contagious and laugh along, some may think that we arent sensitive enough to look around, looking for who are sad, and may hold our laughter a bit.
inilah kenapa mikirin orang itu melelahkan. we cannot win everybody's heart. some hearts may worth fighting, some may not.
talking about heart will only end this story up, you know, with these sparkling stars comes out of the laptop, with slides of conversation or mute scenes which had passed but the smell lingers. haha.
this might be why we should hide feelings, when it is being expressed too excessive, it hurts when life turn out the other way, when it goes shallow, it annoys so much.
this post may fit the rubbish can, but still, this perhaps a place where hungry hearts find something to eat :)
a friend: "life is not always good. our 'good' feelings may oscillate to other person's sadness. like jealousy."
this only a part of a small conversation. emphasize the lesson my mom told me over years ago, which i havent find out how, to hide feelings, like The Queen. her smiles implied either pleasure or grief.
its a good thing, i think to start to hide feelings. if we cry, some may have pity on us, some may think we are weak, which is lame and shows a little of feminine views. if we laugh to free, some may think its contagious and laugh along, some may think that we arent sensitive enough to look around, looking for who are sad, and may hold our laughter a bit.
inilah kenapa mikirin orang itu melelahkan. we cannot win everybody's heart. some hearts may worth fighting, some may not.
talking about heart will only end this story up, you know, with these sparkling stars comes out of the laptop, with slides of conversation or mute scenes which had passed but the smell lingers. haha.
this might be why we should hide feelings, when it is being expressed too excessive, it hurts when life turn out the other way, when it goes shallow, it annoys so much.
this post may fit the rubbish can, but still, this perhaps a place where hungry hearts find something to eat :)
h-less than 24 hrs.
besok sidang :)
finally the end just about to come, new chapter eventually arrives.
dear Allah, my Supreme, The Most Merciful,
for those i did wrong, i apologize deeply,
may You forgive. may You forgive.
dear Allah, my Whom I report sadness and glory,
please kindly grant us self-confidence, contentment, and boldness,
and ease the tasks for us,
and loose the defect from our tongue, remove incorrectness from our speech,
therefore they understand.
We glorify You much and remember You much,
You are the Well-Seer of us.
dear Allah, The Boss of The Universe, please stand nearer.
remove distance among friends,
so we can facilitate our feelings without saying.
indeed, we come to an end and agitate of future
May by remembering You, these hearts find rest.
in the remembrance of You, may You not deviate our hearts
to ease our affair in the right way.
aamiin.
finally the end just about to come, new chapter eventually arrives.
dear Allah, my Supreme, The Most Merciful,
for those i did wrong, i apologize deeply,
may You forgive. may You forgive.
dear Allah, my Whom I report sadness and glory,
please kindly grant us self-confidence, contentment, and boldness,
and ease the tasks for us,
and loose the defect from our tongue, remove incorrectness from our speech,
therefore they understand.
We glorify You much and remember You much,
You are the Well-Seer of us.
dear Allah, The Boss of The Universe, please stand nearer.
remove distance among friends,
so we can facilitate our feelings without saying.
indeed, we come to an end and agitate of future
May by remembering You, these hearts find rest.
in the remembrance of You, may You not deviate our hearts
to ease our affair in the right way.
aamiin.
:)
bebas- iwa k
Sudah tinggalkan
tinggalkan saja semua persoalan waktu kita sejenak
tuk membebaskan pikiran
Dan biarkan..
biarkan terbang tinggi sampai melayang jauh menembus awan..
sementara tinggalkan semua aturan yang kadang trlalu mengikat dan tak beralasan teman
memang, memang benar teman
kita perlu cooling down dan melonggarkan pakaian
Reff:
Bebas lepas kutinggalkan saja semua beban dihatiku
melayang kumelayang jauh
melayang dan melayang..
bagaikan anak kecil yang berlari bertlanjang bebas
keluarkan suara suara canda tawa dan senyum puas
berteman siraman hujan di lapang yang luas
tak gentar gelegar petir yang mengaum buas
yang penting yang penting semua senang kawan
sejak kehadiranmu uh uh bumi terkekeh riang
dadaku berdentam
dididididam dididum dagadagadaga digidum digidum
Kita saling berpandang berpegangan tangan erat
Dan biarkan tubuh tersiram hujan yang lebat
Dan pekat di bawah naungan awan nan gelap
Terkadang menyilaukan di kala kilat lewat
Apakah kita kan selalu bersama-sama, kawan?
Apakah kita kan selalu berjalan beriringan?
Masih di dalam lebatnya hujan kita berjalan
Bersamamu, kita kan tebarkan senyuman
#semoga besok lebih indah, Tuhan. Jangan butakan aku dari nikmat sebuah kebebasan.
Sudah tinggalkan
tinggalkan saja semua persoalan waktu kita sejenak
tuk membebaskan pikiran
Dan biarkan..
biarkan terbang tinggi sampai melayang jauh menembus awan..
sementara tinggalkan semua aturan yang kadang trlalu mengikat dan tak beralasan teman
memang, memang benar teman
kita perlu cooling down dan melonggarkan pakaian
Reff:
Bebas lepas kutinggalkan saja semua beban dihatiku
melayang kumelayang jauh
melayang dan melayang..
bagaikan anak kecil yang berlari bertlanjang bebas
keluarkan suara suara canda tawa dan senyum puas
berteman siraman hujan di lapang yang luas
tak gentar gelegar petir yang mengaum buas
yang penting yang penting semua senang kawan
sejak kehadiranmu uh uh bumi terkekeh riang
dadaku berdentam
dididididam dididum dagadagadaga digidum digidum
Kita saling berpandang berpegangan tangan erat
Dan biarkan tubuh tersiram hujan yang lebat
Dan pekat di bawah naungan awan nan gelap
Terkadang menyilaukan di kala kilat lewat
Apakah kita kan selalu bersama-sama, kawan?
Apakah kita kan selalu berjalan beriringan?
Masih di dalam lebatnya hujan kita berjalan
Bersamamu, kita kan tebarkan senyuman
#semoga besok lebih indah, Tuhan. Jangan butakan aku dari nikmat sebuah kebebasan.
worthless
'you cannot pleased everybody'
'ga perlulah kamu mendamaikan dunia'
tau apa yg gw rasakan every single time i attempted to make someone happy?
i felt worthless.
this probably a way for me to collect and spread good deeds.
but hell, i will find another way. being nice is tiring, self-deteriorating.
considering, trying to cope with feelings, thats...tremendous sacrifice
emang bener, ga ada yang bisa dimenangkan di dunia ini,
layaknya kita selalu kalah oleh alam.
matilah kita diserang tsunami. tetap kedinginan di saat hujan
rasanya mencoba menyenangkan hati orang lain itu, seperti berusaha dingin di bawah terik.
useless.
so friends, if tomorrow i stop pleasing you guys, or be such an honest pain in the ass
it is not because i hate you,
but i love you too much till i hate myself forgetting my own need.
akhir.
jan 16, 2320
Allah memang Maha Adil, menciptakan suatu awal dan akhir.
adil itu tentang menempatkan sesuatu di tempat yang seharusnya..
dan gw merasa adil mengejar akhir.
karena sudah saatnya ini semua selesai.
what love means..
this is an email from my hostmother.. kinda amusing, but also profound and generous..
"when someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. you just know that your name is safe in their mouth." billy 4 y.o
"love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." karl 5 y.o
"love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs." chrissy 6 y.o
"love is what makes you smile when you are tired" terri a y.o
"love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is ok." danny 7 y.o
"love is whats in the room with you at chrismast if you stop opening presents and listen." bobby 7 y.o (this is so wise!)
"if you want to learn love better, you should start with a friend who you hate." nikka 6 y.o (sooo checked!)
"love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." noelle 7 y.o
"love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." tommy 6 y.o
"my mommy loves me more that anybody. you dont see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." clare 6 y.o
" love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken." elaine 5 y.o
"love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than robert redford." chris 7 y.o
"when you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little starts come out of you." karen 7 y.o
"you really shouldnt say 'i love you' unless you mean it. but if you mean it, you should say it a lot. people forget." jessica 8 y.o
lucu ya? this is deep!
"when someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. you just know that your name is safe in their mouth." billy 4 y.o
"love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." karl 5 y.o
"love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs." chrissy 6 y.o
"love is what makes you smile when you are tired" terri a y.o
"love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is ok." danny 7 y.o
"love is whats in the room with you at chrismast if you stop opening presents and listen." bobby 7 y.o (this is so wise!)
"if you want to learn love better, you should start with a friend who you hate." nikka 6 y.o (sooo checked!)
"love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." noelle 7 y.o
"love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." tommy 6 y.o
"my mommy loves me more that anybody. you dont see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." clare 6 y.o
" love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken." elaine 5 y.o
"love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than robert redford." chris 7 y.o
"when you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little starts come out of you." karen 7 y.o
"you really shouldnt say 'i love you' unless you mean it. but if you mean it, you should say it a lot. people forget." jessica 8 y.o
lucu ya? this is deep!
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