dice.

i will cut some paragraphs from " Kitchen Table Wisdom" by Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D

Mirror Image.
Jess is a history professor who is one of the identical twins, brothers whose strong physical resemblance often confuses their friends, even now at thirty-five. All through childhood they had been dressed alike and only their parents could tell them apart. When Jess's twin was diagnosed with malignant melanoma, Jess knew that he too would suffer this disease. It took two years for his cancer to show up, in almost the same place as Jamie's but on the opposite side. Mirror image. From the beginning, Jess believed that whatever happened to his brother would happen to him. One night a year after his own cancer diagnosis, I got a phone call from him. Jmie found a lump in his groin. The cancer had spread. His voice shook slightly. "We will die," he said.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I began to hope for a sign, something that would speak in its own language to the deep place of belief in this highly sophisticated and intellectual man. Perhaps a dream? Or a portent.

In the end, it was simpler than that. In the midst of a session, Jess has been speaking of his experience of being a twin, the inability of others to know him from his brother, the constant struggle to be his own person. His brother had always tried to close the space between them. He himself had always tried to establish boundaries. He felt nowthat this had been futile. What hope was there for being your own person when chance had made you identical twin? There could be no escape. In distress, he turned toward a shelf beside his chair on which I keep many small items given to me by my patients. Picking up the dice another client had left with me, he shook them hard and tossed them on the floor. "Chance!" he said bitterly.

The dice lay there on the rug, two perfectly identical cubes. One had come up a one and the other a six. We looked at them in silence. Then for the first time in months, Jess began to laugh. Sometimes all that is needed is a sense of possibility.

to me, who doesnt know how to find right diction for this right moment, i found so many insights from the chapter. may be we were not an identical twins, but put yourself as somebody who stands behind one's shadow. you may able to see how this story also affects you.

as i believe, life is not given to us for us. our presences are be aimed to wealth other's needs. so the presence or absence of ourselves is being seen as the good for others. if the presence is ruining the hemostasis, then we better leave. if God decides to make us leave, it will be more benefits left as we're gone.

so, it is fair enough to leave.