prior to KKN
gw akan belajar sebanyak-banyaknya! akan gw rekam, dan harus gw jadikan momen yang tidak tergantikan! semoga Allah memudahkan : KKN kita, skripsi kita, any kinds of path which will be taken for us.
bahkan dr. mahathir ngeblog
"Orang boleh pandai setinggi langit, tapi selama ia tidak menulis, ia akan hilang di dalam masyarakat dan dari sejarah. Menulis adalah bekerja untuk keabadian..” -pramoedya ananta toer.june 19, 2011. 1715 hrs
@balai pengobatan desa kutamandiri.
betapa bahagianya jadi pejabat. mungkin 2, 3, 4, sampai entah berapa tahun lagi, mungkin anak-anak indonesia punya satu lagi kategori cita-cita yang lucu miris. kalo udah gede mau jadi apa? mau jadi pejabat!
pejabat apa? pejabat desa, pejabat di kepolisian, pejabatnya kumpulan tukang sayur, pejabat lsm yang hobinya meluluhlantakkan diskotek menjelang ramadhan (saja), pejabat dimanalah. yang penting pejabat.
dinda: bapak bade diparios? daftar heula pak.
pak sekretaris desa: ini (menyebut nama)
dinda: bapak, ieu nomorna, engke diparios ku nomer.
pak sekdes: ( diam, seakan ga ngerti perkataan gw, dang, pdhl i practice those sentences so hard.)
dinda: mangga pak, diantos sakedap di lebet. nanti nomernya dipanggil, pak.
bapak satunya lagi: neng, ini teh pak sekdes. langsung diperiksa aja. ga usah ngantri (ato apalah bahasanya intinya itu)
dinda: tapi yang lain masih ngantri pak. (masih ada 30an orang lagi sebelum giliran si bapak sekdes.)
bapak satunya lagi: langsung aja neng.
dinda: (setelah berusaha mengerti, dan ga mngerti) yaudah pak, abis ini langsung pak sekdes.
enak jadi sekretaris desa. ato apapun.
dinda pas sd, pas jalan2 ama mama ke jogja nginep di rumah danrem.
dinda: nanti kalo gede aku jadi tentara aja ah
mama: kenapa?
dinda: enak, kalo masuk borobudur ga usah bayar.
ini masalah culture. rasanya udah dari jaman dulu, kumpeni duduk diatas, pribumi duduk di bawah. paradigma kota besar labih aneh lagi, laki-laki perut buncit dengan headset duduk, ibu-ibu bawa anak berdiri.
akan lebih menyenangkan (mungkin hanya buat gw):
-tanpa sampah
-ngantri
-respect of equality and equity.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
meninggalkan kamar right away setelah pulang BP, abis ngeberesin lemari, kamar dalam keadaan manusiawi saat pergi (setelah room like a disaster after exam). hawanya seneng pisan. going home.
home di jakarta, home di jatinangor. ga bisa tidur sepanjang perjalanan. too excited. rencana tidur di bis malah berubah jadi melek semelek-meleknya. mikir ini itu. though it was joyful. terbang pikiran gw ke tahun satu.. rumah
kemarin itu perjalanan paling full of insights. i felt like carry home along the road between homes.
because the road itself, indeed cozy.
better. than nothing to be felt.
june 19, 1003 hrs
this is me inside, looking outside from the other side of window.
watching the coming of sorrow.
thank Allah gives me sadness. at least now i know i am sensing.
*hoping for somebody waking me up from this nightmare becoming daymare.
slap me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
tau whats so good ikut balai pengobatan?
i realized, pasien menunggu our presence.
its nice to know people out there, dont know you, but wait for you.
its always to know that there is something, waiting for us, beside our own death.
*thx for over one semester attention, teaching me not to hope so much, not to wait too long, to be ikhlas along the way, even without knowing the last page of the story.
this is me inside, looking outside from the other side of window.
watching the coming of sorrow.
thank Allah gives me sadness. at least now i know i am sensing.
*hoping for somebody waking me up from this nightmare becoming daymare.
slap me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
tau whats so good ikut balai pengobatan?
i realized, pasien menunggu our presence.
its nice to know people out there, dont know you, but wait for you.
its always to know that there is something, waiting for us, beside our own death.
*thx for over one semester attention, teaching me not to hope so much, not to wait too long, to be ikhlas along the way, even without knowing the last page of the story.
teu romatis.
june 12. 7.12 am
harusnya sih ngafalin osce. tapi theres something more fun to do. *atulah dind.
guess what guess what? call me norak, i wont mind. gw baru tau aja kalo bbm teh works unlimitedly bu states! pagi ini gw chatting ama miguel via bb! awesome, crazy, stunning..
asa aneh tapi. artinya gw bisa ngeliat dia ganti status, ganti foto, lalala, with or without saying a word ga sih? maksudnya, ya elah, males juga ngomment, nyapa tiap pagi, or whatsoever. kedekatan maya itu aneh menurut gw. they are there, anytime i wanna talk to them, just click. it also reveals how ignorant we are ga sih? sama aja kaya facebook. ama ym. apapun.
rasanya tuh aneh, ngeadd temen sd yang kaya 15 tahun ga ngomong, ngadd di fb. udah aja, abis itu diem. ini kaynya gwnya aja sih yang ga jago basa-basi.
tapi gw putuskan bahwa dunia maya aneh akhir2 ini. at least, gw ngerasa kaya gitu. karena itu nurunin kadar kangen seseorang.
ga romantis menurut gw. jadi kaya ga ada effort. mmm, emang ga seharusnya diliat dari effort sih, tapi gw melihat banyak hal dari sisi effort. that reflects soalnya.
meracau gini. yaa intinya gw lebih seneng orang tuh ngirim surat kali yah daripada ngirimin gw sms. tapi bukan berarti gw suka orang ke kosan gw naik sepeda 2 jam disaat dia bisa pake angkot 15 menit juga.
tapi apapunlah. kalo niat buat nyenengin hati orang mah, cuma sekedar nepuk punggung ama hi will work sih.
*ini apa sih.
pokoknya fb, twitter, bb, ym itu ga romantis. period.
gw prefer email drpd fb post. prefer sms drpd bbm/ym.
harusnya sih ngafalin osce. tapi theres something more fun to do. *atulah dind.
guess what guess what? call me norak, i wont mind. gw baru tau aja kalo bbm teh works unlimitedly bu states! pagi ini gw chatting ama miguel via bb! awesome, crazy, stunning..
asa aneh tapi. artinya gw bisa ngeliat dia ganti status, ganti foto, lalala, with or without saying a word ga sih? maksudnya, ya elah, males juga ngomment, nyapa tiap pagi, or whatsoever. kedekatan maya itu aneh menurut gw. they are there, anytime i wanna talk to them, just click. it also reveals how ignorant we are ga sih? sama aja kaya facebook. ama ym. apapun.
rasanya tuh aneh, ngeadd temen sd yang kaya 15 tahun ga ngomong, ngadd di fb. udah aja, abis itu diem. ini kaynya gwnya aja sih yang ga jago basa-basi.
tapi gw putuskan bahwa dunia maya aneh akhir2 ini. at least, gw ngerasa kaya gitu. karena itu nurunin kadar kangen seseorang.
ga romantis menurut gw. jadi kaya ga ada effort. mmm, emang ga seharusnya diliat dari effort sih, tapi gw melihat banyak hal dari sisi effort. that reflects soalnya.
meracau gini. yaa intinya gw lebih seneng orang tuh ngirim surat kali yah daripada ngirimin gw sms. tapi bukan berarti gw suka orang ke kosan gw naik sepeda 2 jam disaat dia bisa pake angkot 15 menit juga.
tapi apapunlah. kalo niat buat nyenengin hati orang mah, cuma sekedar nepuk punggung ama hi will work sih.
*ini apa sih.
pokoknya fb, twitter, bb, ym itu ga romantis. period.
gw prefer email drpd fb post. prefer sms drpd bbm/ym.
kuncup mimpi yang berubah jadi nyata.
june 10, 2011, 1755 hrs. *besok sooca
Kita Pernah Saling Memimpikan
Berlari-lari Tuk Wujudkan Kenyataan
Lewati Segala Keterasingan
Lalu Jalan Sempit Yang Tak Pernah Bertuan
Ingatkan Kawan Kita Pernah Berpeluh Cacian
Digerayangi Dan Digeliati Kesepian
Walaupun Sejenak lepas Dari Beban
Tuk lewati Ruang Gelap Yang Teramat Dalam
Hidup Ini Hanya Kepingan
Yang Terasing Di Lautan
Memaksa Kita
Memendam Kepedihan
Tapi Kita Juga Pernah Duduk Bermahkota
Kucup-kucup Mimpi Yang Berubah Jadi Nyata
Dicumbui Harumnya Putik-putik Bunga
Putik Impian Yang Membawa Kita Lupa
Hidup Ini Hanya Kepingan
Yang Terasing Di Lautan
Memaksa Kita
Memendam Kepedihan
Hidup Ini Hanya Kepingan
Yang Terasing Di Lautan
Memaksa Kita
Merubah Jadi Tawa
ngopi miko:
"Klo A sujud syukur depan dosen,
klo B sujud syukur di depan ruangan,
klo Csujud syukur krn ga remed,
klo D sujud syukur bs belajar lebih banyak lagi :)
intinya semuanya harus disyukuri."
ngopi nadhila:
"maksudnya ngapain sih pusing2 mikir ntar gw dpt nilai brp, lulus apa kagak. Toh yang dinilai Allah tuh bukan nilai sooca kita tapi ikhtiarnya."
pasti ada jalan sempit ga bertuan, pasti ada ruang gelap yang dalam.
as well as pasti ada kuncup mimpi yang berubah jadi nyata.
i totally know what i want, Allah knows whats best. let those be synergized (if it is a word).
#sistem yang sedikit adem ayem. malah jadi galau karena kadar galau gw kurang -______-
#alhamdulillah atas ketenangan hati.
#udah maghrib. shalat. tilawah. baca. baca. baca. hingga tetes terakhir!
Kita Pernah Saling Memimpikan
Berlari-lari Tuk Wujudkan Kenyataan
Lewati Segala Keterasingan
Lalu Jalan Sempit Yang Tak Pernah Bertuan
Ingatkan Kawan Kita Pernah Berpeluh Cacian
Digerayangi Dan Digeliati Kesepian
Walaupun Sejenak lepas Dari Beban
Tuk lewati Ruang Gelap Yang Teramat Dalam
Hidup Ini Hanya Kepingan
Yang Terasing Di Lautan
Memaksa Kita
Memendam Kepedihan
Tapi Kita Juga Pernah Duduk Bermahkota
Kucup-kucup Mimpi Yang Berubah Jadi Nyata
Dicumbui Harumnya Putik-putik Bunga
Putik Impian Yang Membawa Kita Lupa
Hidup Ini Hanya Kepingan
Yang Terasing Di Lautan
Memaksa Kita
Memendam Kepedihan
Hidup Ini Hanya Kepingan
Yang Terasing Di Lautan
Memaksa Kita
Merubah Jadi Tawa
ngopi miko:
"Klo A sujud syukur depan dosen,
klo B sujud syukur di depan ruangan,
klo Csujud syukur krn ga remed,
klo D sujud syukur bs belajar lebih banyak lagi :)
intinya semuanya harus disyukuri."
ngopi nadhila:
"maksudnya ngapain sih pusing2 mikir ntar gw dpt nilai brp, lulus apa kagak. Toh yang dinilai Allah tuh bukan nilai sooca kita tapi ikhtiarnya."
pasti ada jalan sempit ga bertuan, pasti ada ruang gelap yang dalam.
as well as pasti ada kuncup mimpi yang berubah jadi nyata.
i totally know what i want, Allah knows whats best. let those be synergized (if it is a word).
#sistem yang sedikit adem ayem. malah jadi galau karena kadar galau gw kurang -______-
#alhamdulillah atas ketenangan hati.
#udah maghrib. shalat. tilawah. baca. baca. baca. hingga tetes terakhir!
travel-mates
june 7, 2011. 12.08 pm
katanya, "sport doesnt build characters. it reveals it."
like traveling. it reveals characters. thats why most of the time love grows or hatred flashes between travel-mates. sifat aslinya keliatan.
traveling is one way, for me, to discover the base of my travelmate's iceberg.
i have discovered my mom's iceberg, and my sister's. a lot to learn, and also a lot to handle :) - november 2010
i have discovered my dad's and a lil of my bro's. - july 2006
my favorite mate is my dad! he always will be.
the upcoming trip will be a test. may 'program nyenengin hati mama' berjalan mulus. hope i pass. amin.
*jadi kepikiran, at least once in my life, gw mau traveling ke 1 tempat, dengan orang yang gw suka. pengen liat, in the end, dia masih jadi org yg gw adore apa engga. dan traveling dg orang yang gw ga suka for no reason, we'll see apakah dia jadi pribadi yg menyenangkan ato engga.
*thx to otto yg somehow mengajarkan gw untuk jadi pribadi yang menyenangkan hari ini
*thx to rani, yang udah jadi travel mate yg awesome long weekend kemarin. may my family doesnt intrigue you. haha. hope you had a good time in my folks dining table. peluukk
*thx to th mooi yang ngebawa hawa2 life is bomb! kinda feeling dini hari ini.
*to do list hari ini: email talitha, mr.galvas, beverley, mbak wati. not much to say. but sometimes, hi aja udah bisa melepas penat. #ajaran otto
*happy sooca, people!
katanya, "sport doesnt build characters. it reveals it."
like traveling. it reveals characters. thats why most of the time love grows or hatred flashes between travel-mates. sifat aslinya keliatan.
traveling is one way, for me, to discover the base of my travelmate's iceberg.
i have discovered my mom's iceberg, and my sister's. a lot to learn, and also a lot to handle :) - november 2010
i have discovered my dad's and a lil of my bro's. - july 2006
my favorite mate is my dad! he always will be.
the upcoming trip will be a test. may 'program nyenengin hati mama' berjalan mulus. hope i pass. amin.
*jadi kepikiran, at least once in my life, gw mau traveling ke 1 tempat, dengan orang yang gw suka. pengen liat, in the end, dia masih jadi org yg gw adore apa engga. dan traveling dg orang yang gw ga suka for no reason, we'll see apakah dia jadi pribadi yg menyenangkan ato engga.
*thx to otto yg somehow mengajarkan gw untuk jadi pribadi yang menyenangkan hari ini
*thx to rani, yang udah jadi travel mate yg awesome long weekend kemarin. may my family doesnt intrigue you. haha. hope you had a good time in my folks dining table. peluukk
*thx to th mooi yang ngebawa hawa2 life is bomb! kinda feeling dini hari ini.
*to do list hari ini: email talitha, mr.galvas, beverley, mbak wati. not much to say. but sometimes, hi aja udah bisa melepas penat. #ajaran otto
*happy sooca, people!
stranger.
june 7, 2011. 1.18 am
show your inner strange!
you know what? being a stranger is what i enjoy the most lately. to live in somebody's life, only for their 2 minutes, their an hour, their some hours.
a stranger is living without anything to commit. datang dan pergi seenaknya. tanpa harus merasa bersalah. dangit.
me, a stranger who avoids strangers. now i know why kids shouldnt conversate with strangers. because strangers are dangerous, it hurts hearts
yet, thank God, some strangers settle.
#selamat.sooca!
show your inner strange!
you know what? being a stranger is what i enjoy the most lately. to live in somebody's life, only for their 2 minutes, their an hour, their some hours.
a stranger is living without anything to commit. datang dan pergi seenaknya. tanpa harus merasa bersalah. dangit.
me, a stranger who avoids strangers. now i know why kids shouldnt conversate with strangers. because strangers are dangerous, it hurts hearts
yet, thank God, some strangers settle.
#selamat.sooca!
ashland's sky,
the city of students. freedom of enjoying literatures.
drowning souls within arts.
freedom of sorting characteristics. in gestures, in expressions.
fascinated by spring, drama play,
hand in hand with strangers,
starbucks, hotdog, and 0.25 cents gum.
was thinking that those hugs might wont happen again. or might be a tighter hugs in the future.
dice.
i will cut some paragraphs from " Kitchen Table Wisdom" by Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D
Mirror Image.
Jess is a history professor who is one of the identical twins, brothers whose strong physical resemblance often confuses their friends, even now at thirty-five. All through childhood they had been dressed alike and only their parents could tell them apart. When Jess's twin was diagnosed with malignant melanoma, Jess knew that he too would suffer this disease. It took two years for his cancer to show up, in almost the same place as Jamie's but on the opposite side. Mirror image. From the beginning, Jess believed that whatever happened to his brother would happen to him. One night a year after his own cancer diagnosis, I got a phone call from him. Jmie found a lump in his groin. The cancer had spread. His voice shook slightly. "We will die," he said.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I began to hope for a sign, something that would speak in its own language to the deep place of belief in this highly sophisticated and intellectual man. Perhaps a dream? Or a portent.
In the end, it was simpler than that. In the midst of a session, Jess has been speaking of his experience of being a twin, the inability of others to know him from his brother, the constant struggle to be his own person. His brother had always tried to close the space between them. He himself had always tried to establish boundaries. He felt nowthat this had been futile. What hope was there for being your own person when chance had made you identical twin? There could be no escape. In distress, he turned toward a shelf beside his chair on which I keep many small items given to me by my patients. Picking up the dice another client had left with me, he shook them hard and tossed them on the floor. "Chance!" he said bitterly.
The dice lay there on the rug, two perfectly identical cubes. One had come up a one and the other a six. We looked at them in silence. Then for the first time in months, Jess began to laugh. Sometimes all that is needed is a sense of possibility.
to me, who doesnt know how to find right diction for this right moment, i found so many insights from the chapter. may be we were not an identical twins, but put yourself as somebody who stands behind one's shadow. you may able to see how this story also affects you.
as i believe, life is not given to us for us. our presences are be aimed to wealth other's needs. so the presence or absence of ourselves is being seen as the good for others. if the presence is ruining the hemostasis, then we better leave. if God decides to make us leave, it will be more benefits left as we're gone.
so, it is fair enough to leave.
Mirror Image.
Jess is a history professor who is one of the identical twins, brothers whose strong physical resemblance often confuses their friends, even now at thirty-five. All through childhood they had been dressed alike and only their parents could tell them apart. When Jess's twin was diagnosed with malignant melanoma, Jess knew that he too would suffer this disease. It took two years for his cancer to show up, in almost the same place as Jamie's but on the opposite side. Mirror image. From the beginning, Jess believed that whatever happened to his brother would happen to him. One night a year after his own cancer diagnosis, I got a phone call from him. Jmie found a lump in his groin. The cancer had spread. His voice shook slightly. "We will die," he said.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I began to hope for a sign, something that would speak in its own language to the deep place of belief in this highly sophisticated and intellectual man. Perhaps a dream? Or a portent.
In the end, it was simpler than that. In the midst of a session, Jess has been speaking of his experience of being a twin, the inability of others to know him from his brother, the constant struggle to be his own person. His brother had always tried to close the space between them. He himself had always tried to establish boundaries. He felt nowthat this had been futile. What hope was there for being your own person when chance had made you identical twin? There could be no escape. In distress, he turned toward a shelf beside his chair on which I keep many small items given to me by my patients. Picking up the dice another client had left with me, he shook them hard and tossed them on the floor. "Chance!" he said bitterly.
The dice lay there on the rug, two perfectly identical cubes. One had come up a one and the other a six. We looked at them in silence. Then for the first time in months, Jess began to laugh. Sometimes all that is needed is a sense of possibility.
to me, who doesnt know how to find right diction for this right moment, i found so many insights from the chapter. may be we were not an identical twins, but put yourself as somebody who stands behind one's shadow. you may able to see how this story also affects you.
as i believe, life is not given to us for us. our presences are be aimed to wealth other's needs. so the presence or absence of ourselves is being seen as the good for others. if the presence is ruining the hemostasis, then we better leave. if God decides to make us leave, it will be more benefits left as we're gone.
so, it is fair enough to leave.
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