tapi emang ga ada rasanya.
katanya dokter harus bisa merasa. manaaa?
bersamalah kamu dengan orang2 yg benar
ketika gw mulai ga nulis, its either, i have another form of media that i can invest my learning dan mungkin lebih menarik dan fungsional. or, i didnt learn anything at all.
semoga bukan opsi kedua alasannya. seriously, if in fact this was what happen, now im in denial, then.
seandainya pun reasoningnya based on the 1st statement, semoga Allah ngasih petunjuk whats good for me.
wish any changes in me and my surroundings move toward positiveness and can spread angel deeds contagiously.
dear Supreme Being, save me from this weekend.
yaa ayyuhaal ladziina aamanuut taqullaha wa kuunuu ma'ashshaadiqiin.
wahai orang yg beriman, bertakwalah kepada Allah dan bersamalah kamu dengan orang2 yg benar. (9:119)
semoga bukan opsi kedua alasannya. seriously, if in fact this was what happen, now im in denial, then.
seandainya pun reasoningnya based on the 1st statement, semoga Allah ngasih petunjuk whats good for me.
wish any changes in me and my surroundings move toward positiveness and can spread angel deeds contagiously.
dear Supreme Being, save me from this weekend.
yaa ayyuhaal ladziina aamanuut taqullaha wa kuunuu ma'ashshaadiqiin.
wahai orang yg beriman, bertakwalah kepada Allah dan bersamalah kamu dengan orang2 yg benar. (9:119)
check or wreck
sept 18. 2100
ada 3 macam keadaan hati. hati yg lembut, hati yang sakit, dan hati yang mati.
hati yg lembut adalahyg selalu inget Si Pencipta, yang ngasi sinyal when we're just about to do a sin, either its a anxiety, ketidaktenangan, ga enak aja rasanya. hati yg lain ga usah dibahas, krn tujuan gw sih hati yang ini. keadaan lain selain definisi hati yg lembut ya ga sehat.
nah, sekarang pr gw adalah if i am being hesitant, i need check myself before i wreck myself. bener ga sih yg gw lakukan ini?
gw baru baca hadis, a women marry foreither one of 4 things, her wealth, her family status, her beauty, or her religion. and for a man, he needs to marry the religious one, or he will be a loser. *itu dari hadis shahih bukhari. termasuk kata loser nya yah. gw ga buat2 sendiri.
because evil omen for men are in their house, women, and horse. bahasa kitanya, harta tahta wanita. yes, women can drive any good men to do evil deeds.
at least now, im trying to use my intellegence and knowledge of my own religion to drive myself good. the problem is: ini gw udah berani jujur and has no reluctance/being hesitant ama diri gw to decide for what i 'thought' is right, ato i will fight for what i 'feel' is right? because seriously, i have trouble mixing logic and feeling.
what kind of man i wanna marry? for what purpose i marry a man? terlebih lagi, what kind of woman i am? do i have the right to have these requirements which i am not qualified myself? who i am having criteria which doesnt even met my ownself. life can be a mess.
gw males mikirin kaya beginian. because in the end toh life is all surprises. but today it all came to me.
so girls, ladies, what kind of category you will put yourself in?
ada 3 macam keadaan hati. hati yg lembut, hati yang sakit, dan hati yang mati.
hati yg lembut adalahyg selalu inget Si Pencipta, yang ngasi sinyal when we're just about to do a sin, either its a anxiety, ketidaktenangan, ga enak aja rasanya. hati yg lain ga usah dibahas, krn tujuan gw sih hati yang ini. keadaan lain selain definisi hati yg lembut ya ga sehat.
nah, sekarang pr gw adalah if i am being hesitant, i need check myself before i wreck myself. bener ga sih yg gw lakukan ini?
gw baru baca hadis, a women marry foreither one of 4 things, her wealth, her family status, her beauty, or her religion. and for a man, he needs to marry the religious one, or he will be a loser. *itu dari hadis shahih bukhari. termasuk kata loser nya yah. gw ga buat2 sendiri.
because evil omen for men are in their house, women, and horse. bahasa kitanya, harta tahta wanita. yes, women can drive any good men to do evil deeds.
at least now, im trying to use my intellegence and knowledge of my own religion to drive myself good. the problem is: ini gw udah berani jujur and has no reluctance/being hesitant ama diri gw to decide for what i 'thought' is right, ato i will fight for what i 'feel' is right? because seriously, i have trouble mixing logic and feeling.
what kind of man i wanna marry? for what purpose i marry a man? terlebih lagi, what kind of woman i am? do i have the right to have these requirements which i am not qualified myself? who i am having criteria which doesnt even met my ownself. life can be a mess.
gw males mikirin kaya beginian. because in the end toh life is all surprises. but today it all came to me.
so girls, ladies, what kind of category you will put yourself in?
repost: togetherness
jan 2, 2012.
postingan pertama di 2012~ !
new year's eve, and actually the 1st day of january dihabiskan bersama kertas2 dan puti yang lagi nginep di kamar.
dan the story goes by. dadada
and adhika said that the closer we get to somebody, the bigger chances for us less care about the unmatched habits between us, and love them anyway.
if i may add:
the closer we get, the more we pay attention to their little things,
the more easily we get annoyed, but the faster we forgive
the more we understand that silence is none of awkwardness
the more we can guess whats they're going to do next without literally telling us
me love my friends, thank you for cheering my 2011.
selamat menjalani 2012, herdinda and anyone yg baca blog gw :)
postingan pertama di 2012~ !
new year's eve, and actually the 1st day of january dihabiskan bersama kertas2 dan puti yang lagi nginep di kamar.
dan the story goes by. dadada
and adhika said that the closer we get to somebody, the bigger chances for us less care about the unmatched habits between us, and love them anyway.
if i may add:
the closer we get, the more we pay attention to their little things,
the more easily we get annoyed, but the faster we forgive
the more we understand that silence is none of awkwardness
the more we can guess whats they're going to do next without literally telling us
me love my friends, thank you for cheering my 2011.
selamat menjalani 2012, herdinda and anyone yg baca blog gw :)
abortus: ujian prinsip
i like this gray side of a doc life to be discussed.
kasus hari ini : ibu dengan kehamilan 20 minggu, janin anencephal (ga ada tempurung kepalanya, pasti meninggal setelah dilahirkan). me as a doctor will definitely inform the client that their children has an anomaly, s/he wont survive. gw sebagai dokter, bakal men-suggest supaya janin tsb diaborsi aja (toh, theres no hope), atau membiarkan ibunya nerusin kehamilan sampe umur 9 bulan kaya kehamilan normal, dengan outcome yang seperti itu?
kasus kedua: seorang nona, 15 th, datang dengan keluhan telat haid 8 minggu, hasil test pack positive dan minta diaborsi. udah, ga usah panjang2 soalnya. udah jelas hamil diluar nikah. sebagai dokter, kamu mau melakukan apa?
a. melakukan safe abortus provokatus dengan baik dan benar.
b. menolak melakukan aborsi, dengan kenyataan anak ini pasti akan mencari orang lain yg bisa melakukan aborsi, walaupun orang tsb adalah paraji. berarti ada resiko unsafe abortion.
c. menolak melakukan aborsi dan merekomendasikan tempat lain yg underlegal institution (though its off the record) yang bisa melakukan aborsi.
---------------------------------------------------------
untuk kasus 1, gw pilih untuk sedikit mengarahkan si ibu untuk melakukan abortus.
#argument 1. mother future condition.
its a total assumption. banyak penyakit penyerta yang muncul pada trimester tengah dan akhir. diassess kesehatan ibunya, ada ga risk factor munculnya penyakit penyerta di ibu ini. kalo ada, ya di aborsi aja. indikasi ibu jauh lebih penting dan they always can try, asal ibunya sehat
#argument 2. fetus wealth.
zero.
#argument 3. sebelum terlanjur cinta, sebelum pengorbanan terlalu besar.
(ketauan udah males mengelaborasi, haha)
------------------------------------------------------------
untuk kasus 2,
gw akan menolak aborsi despite of any reason given. dan yang gw rekomendasiin adalah, "jgn di paraji ya neng,"
semoga Allah ga pernah ngasik gw ujian untuk think over money for this case. itu keterpurukan.
aduh. kenapa gw ga mood nulis sih akhir2 ini. i had so much in my head.
kasus hari ini : ibu dengan kehamilan 20 minggu, janin anencephal (ga ada tempurung kepalanya, pasti meninggal setelah dilahirkan). me as a doctor will definitely inform the client that their children has an anomaly, s/he wont survive. gw sebagai dokter, bakal men-suggest supaya janin tsb diaborsi aja (toh, theres no hope), atau membiarkan ibunya nerusin kehamilan sampe umur 9 bulan kaya kehamilan normal, dengan outcome yang seperti itu?
kasus kedua: seorang nona, 15 th, datang dengan keluhan telat haid 8 minggu, hasil test pack positive dan minta diaborsi. udah, ga usah panjang2 soalnya. udah jelas hamil diluar nikah. sebagai dokter, kamu mau melakukan apa?
a. melakukan safe abortus provokatus dengan baik dan benar.
b. menolak melakukan aborsi, dengan kenyataan anak ini pasti akan mencari orang lain yg bisa melakukan aborsi, walaupun orang tsb adalah paraji. berarti ada resiko unsafe abortion.
c. menolak melakukan aborsi dan merekomendasikan tempat lain yg underlegal institution (though its off the record) yang bisa melakukan aborsi.
---------------------------------------------------------
untuk kasus 1, gw pilih untuk sedikit mengarahkan si ibu untuk melakukan abortus.
#argument 1. mother future condition.
its a total assumption. banyak penyakit penyerta yang muncul pada trimester tengah dan akhir. diassess kesehatan ibunya, ada ga risk factor munculnya penyakit penyerta di ibu ini. kalo ada, ya di aborsi aja. indikasi ibu jauh lebih penting dan they always can try, asal ibunya sehat
#argument 2. fetus wealth.
zero.
#argument 3. sebelum terlanjur cinta, sebelum pengorbanan terlalu besar.
(ketauan udah males mengelaborasi, haha)
------------------------------------------------------------
untuk kasus 2,
gw akan menolak aborsi despite of any reason given. dan yang gw rekomendasiin adalah, "jgn di paraji ya neng,"
semoga Allah ga pernah ngasik gw ujian untuk think over money for this case. itu keterpurukan.
aduh. kenapa gw ga mood nulis sih akhir2 ini. i had so much in my head.
cerita kemarin malam
it’s impossible for us to find a perfect spouse if we model him/her toward someone, atau toward our own sets of criteria.
Because to me, he just works. He and I work, despite our flaws and fights and all that. Sure we’re making adjustments with each other as we go supaya bisa jalan hubungannya, tapi ada beberapa things yang left unchanged dan memang harus di-accept aja.
“You should love someone in spite of, not because of.”
- from twivortiare, which was a #ceritakemarinmalam
Because to me, he just works. He and I work, despite our flaws and fights and all that. Sure we’re making adjustments with each other as we go supaya bisa jalan hubungannya, tapi ada beberapa things yang left unchanged dan memang harus di-accept aja.
“You should love someone in spite of, not because of.”
- from twivortiare, which was a #ceritakemarinmalam
permutation
august 26. 12.40.
besok gw ujian jam 8. dan i cant keep my head straight to williams, karena isinya tulisan semua. beberapa gambar, tapi those dont interest me. gw pengen nulis blog. UDAH lama BANGET. man, what kinda life without blogging. again, kalo gw amnesia, sekian minggu kebelakang would be a total lost. hope i remember all the past, take lessons, and move on.
from my favorite dictionary, permutation: n. each of several possible arrangements of a number of things.
recently life has been showing me some possible arrangements. putting every plan into a gamble. selalu harus ada yang dikorbankan. although reluctantly.
gw suka bgt frase "possible arrangement": pengaturan yang mungkin bisa exist.
we do this everyday in our daily routine:
kalo gw bangun jam segini, gw bisa thumbprinting jam segini, abis itu gw beli sarapan, masuk jam sekian, setelah itu gw bisa curi2 tidur stgh jam lets say, and dadadada
atau, gw bisa thumbprint sekarang, terus gw pulang ke kosan, balik jam 7, ga usah mandilah, semua org juga tau gw abis jaga (misalnya, haha), beli sarapan nanti nitip si ini, abis morning report gw bisa ngeberesin tugas lalalala
atau rencana yg ini, ina, itu.
but then. sesuai rencanakah? kalo di rumah sakit dan kehidupan gw sebagai koas, jawabannya engga. beda mungkin kalo gw kerja di kantoran, di perusahaan surat kabar, ato mungkin di shipping line maenan kargo, mungkin all my plan HAS to be EXACTLY like i wrote down. tapi ini engggaaa *dengan nada pasrah.
dan semakin gw nyelem ke dalem mikirin segala kemungkinan yang ada, semakin blur gambaran target yang gw rencanakan. makin sarat gamble. termasuk apa? termasuk planning the future.
bahasan baru, and why future do seem get closer and unkind?
like world wont give hungry hearts something to eat, like time will run too fast for me watching my kids grow, and everything will change in a wink, on snaps.
ini sebenernya fase apaan sih. kok kayanya semacam overwhelm gitu.
ngeliat tweetnya teh mooi, "dont worry, you will know what to do when the time comes."
ini beda bgt ama mani,"when i see the bridge, i need to already understood what im going to do when i make across the bridge."
dua-duanya sounds true and ideal. yet, both doesnt fit me. myee.
next topic.
a lot going on within in the past few weeks. which i will not frontally share. cukup doakan yang terbaik. since life is a gamble. only heaven knows.
i remember that i once said that God doesnt give answer, yet He gives choices. and now, right now, i hope God command me what to do, instead of me getting myself lost within choices. kata kang dani, jaga hati, buka pikiran.
this will over, dind.
besok gw ujian jam 8. dan i cant keep my head straight to williams, karena isinya tulisan semua. beberapa gambar, tapi those dont interest me. gw pengen nulis blog. UDAH lama BANGET. man, what kinda life without blogging. again, kalo gw amnesia, sekian minggu kebelakang would be a total lost. hope i remember all the past, take lessons, and move on.
from my favorite dictionary, permutation: n. each of several possible arrangements of a number of things.
recently life has been showing me some possible arrangements. putting every plan into a gamble. selalu harus ada yang dikorbankan. although reluctantly.
gw suka bgt frase "possible arrangement": pengaturan yang mungkin bisa exist.
we do this everyday in our daily routine:
kalo gw bangun jam segini, gw bisa thumbprinting jam segini, abis itu gw beli sarapan, masuk jam sekian, setelah itu gw bisa curi2 tidur stgh jam lets say, and dadadada
atau, gw bisa thumbprint sekarang, terus gw pulang ke kosan, balik jam 7, ga usah mandilah, semua org juga tau gw abis jaga (misalnya, haha), beli sarapan nanti nitip si ini, abis morning report gw bisa ngeberesin tugas lalalala
atau rencana yg ini, ina, itu.
but then. sesuai rencanakah? kalo di rumah sakit dan kehidupan gw sebagai koas, jawabannya engga. beda mungkin kalo gw kerja di kantoran, di perusahaan surat kabar, ato mungkin di shipping line maenan kargo, mungkin all my plan HAS to be EXACTLY like i wrote down. tapi ini engggaaa *dengan nada pasrah.
dan semakin gw nyelem ke dalem mikirin segala kemungkinan yang ada, semakin blur gambaran target yang gw rencanakan. makin sarat gamble. termasuk apa? termasuk planning the future.
bahasan baru, and why future do seem get closer and unkind?
like world wont give hungry hearts something to eat, like time will run too fast for me watching my kids grow, and everything will change in a wink, on snaps.
ini sebenernya fase apaan sih. kok kayanya semacam overwhelm gitu.
ngeliat tweetnya teh mooi, "dont worry, you will know what to do when the time comes."
ini beda bgt ama mani,"when i see the bridge, i need to already understood what im going to do when i make across the bridge."
dua-duanya sounds true and ideal. yet, both doesnt fit me. myee.
next topic.
a lot going on within in the past few weeks. which i will not frontally share. cukup doakan yang terbaik. since life is a gamble. only heaven knows.
i remember that i once said that God doesnt give answer, yet He gives choices. and now, right now, i hope God command me what to do, instead of me getting myself lost within choices. kata kang dani, jaga hati, buka pikiran.
this will over, dind.
butuh tujuan.
cinta adalah sesuatu yg ketika runtuh dia menyisakan pelajaran di antara puing-puingnya. - al rumi (kalo ga salah)
break free.
menurut gw, ga salah untuk mengaku bahwa perasaan berubah, niat berubah. makanya harga sebuah istiqamah itu besar karena bukan memulai yang susah, tapi mempertahankan.
thats why its easy to fall in love, but most marriage is an eye-opener and need ways to stand it still. begitu juga....apapun.
mempertahankan semangat belajar. mempertahankan pertemanan dan tujuan dan niat di belakangnya. termasuk ngurusin angkatan. termasuk mempertahankan level of curiosity.
butuh niat butuh tekad.
butuh tujuan.
selama bermanfaat dan diniatin buat ngais ridho Tuhan, mudah2an ga salah dan melenceng.
termasuk the decision to accept inability and quit. hafuh.
break free.
menurut gw, ga salah untuk mengaku bahwa perasaan berubah, niat berubah. makanya harga sebuah istiqamah itu besar karena bukan memulai yang susah, tapi mempertahankan.
thats why its easy to fall in love, but most marriage is an eye-opener and need ways to stand it still. begitu juga....apapun.
mempertahankan semangat belajar. mempertahankan pertemanan dan tujuan dan niat di belakangnya. termasuk ngurusin angkatan. termasuk mempertahankan level of curiosity.
butuh niat butuh tekad.
butuh tujuan.
selama bermanfaat dan diniatin buat ngais ridho Tuhan, mudah2an ga salah dan melenceng.
termasuk the decision to accept inability and quit. hafuh.
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