a few secs to burn.

1742 hrs

"friendship is like a book. it took years to write, a few secs to burn."

in any sights, the above sentence is right. it doesnt take any minute to understand the statement. 

to me, right now, friendship is the best kind of any kind of relationship. thats why some of my 2010 resolutions are:

1. if i have problems with somebody for no reason, dont avoid him/her, i will desensitize. if i do have for a reason, then talk. make it clear, apologize if needed.

2. makes everyone presence is special  for me. dont expect them to do the same. now, its time to learn how to be full-hearted. dont ask for recognition or acknowledgement.

3. focus on my own self-image is not anymore on my life dictionary. if i think a joke, a call, a text, or anything would make my friends happy, do it. bet theyre gonna love it.

4. dealing with people i dont like is a skill, decide to stop dealing with them is my lost.

and now, i dont get the point why my own 'old' or 'former'(?) best friend decide to stop connected with me just because his girlfriend is disliking my presence. wow. well, i was angry, but in anyway, i respect my rule: everyone presence is special. though sometimes it confused me, if everyone special then whats so special anymore?

if everyone special then whats so special anymore?

dear readers, if you by purpose or not in purpose are reading this blog, and you feel like you need to know how special you are to me, just text me. i will reply, inshaAllah. dear God, thank you sending me lots of friends. for their presences, i thank You. :)

reblogged: sisi anak kecil

oct 5, 1701hrs

this is one of my favorite postings. thank god i saved this in my email. so, after the disappearance of my old-green blog, i tried so hard to recollect my scattered writings. unfortunately, it is almost impossible to recollect, recall, rewrite my 5-year-almost-200-blog-postings.

Setiap orang punya sisi ‘anak kecil’ nya masing-masing..

Hff, keseluruhan kuliah hari ini gw habiskan dengan kelompok tutor gw, C5 [as we unabbreviated it, ce 5 co 5].. sungguh tidak penting..

Artis pembicaraan gw kali ini adalah Mario..[may peace be on him, haha..] sebagai anggota tutor 89, gw dengan semena-menanya manggil dia acil, aka anak kecil secara dia kaya 3 thn lebih muda dari gw, [argh]..

‘ngembek mulu kaya anak tk nih si acil’.. mm, kira2 gitu sih ngeledekinnya.. ga parah2 amatlah menurut gw,. Ngeledekin orang tuh sebenernya nyenengin, asalkan objek penderitanya ga ambil hati, ..

Prinsip gw: ngeledekin orang is the shortest way for making a longlasting friendship, haha.. ga tau bener apa engga,,

Bukan itu sih inti ceritanya..

Hari ini gw lab after shalat jumat. Seperti biasa, orang2 C5, pada buru2 dtg ke lab untuk rebutan tempat duduk [sungguh tidak penting..LAGI], pada ga mau duduk di deket hall, takut ditanyain dosen..[dasar]

Yang dateng pertama kali gw n mario.. dari kejauhan, [pas lagi duduk di kursi lab yang ‘aman’], feeling gw ngerasa ada yang aneh, bener aja, si ricky udah di depan tangga menuju ke lab..

Herannya, gw nyempet2in ngintip dari dalem lab, begitu sadar itu ricky n miko, langsung gw lari ke arah pintu lab, langsung gw tutup, mxdnya biar ricky n miko ga bisa masuk.. dari arah seberang, mereka berdua juga lari, bisa2nya mereka mikir kalo gw akan melakukan suatu keisengan.. [sepertinya muka gw ga jauh2 dari tampang licik dan iseng, haha]yasudahlah..

Sudah cukup dengan gw berhasil membuat ricky teriak dari luar, “awas lo Her!”..

Akhirnya gw kembali ke tempat duduk gw yang aman, sambil ngetawain miko dan ricky yang berlarian rebutan kursi yang paling jauh deket jendela.. dodol..

Bukan itu juga inti ceritanya, haha.,

Pas gw sedang menikmati fenomena suryo dan Amanda, dan rayi berebutan kursi, Mario bilang, “sekarang siapa yang anak kecil? Saya atau kamu?” dengan sejuta pede gw bilang, “tetep kamulah!”

Mungkin Mario pikir,” yasudahlah, percuma mendewasakan seorang herdinda”..

Tapi ini yang dia bilang,”setiap orang itu punya sisi anak kecilnya masing2..”

Mungkin Cuma sekilas, tapi bener juga ya..

Ga bisa selamanya orang itu bersikap dewasa dan bijak.. mungkin bisa, di depan orang2 yang dia ga kenal, tapi semakin sering orang itu berinteraksi dengan orang yang lainnya, pasti akan ada momen dimana dia ga sengaja ngeluarin sisi anak kecilnya itu..

Gw  sangat menikmati momen2 anak kecil temen2 gw yang mereka keluarkan toward me..  mungkin Cuma karena itu ngebuat gw ngerasa be friended [whatever that phrase meant to you..]

Banyak keceriaan yang keliatan pas seseorang lagi mengeluarkan sisi anak kecilnya.. itu jauh lebih menyenangkan untuk gw ngeliatnya, daripada orang yang being so wise and mature all the time.. even though, maybe it is not wrong..

mungkin, now, what i adore dari seorang anak kecil adalah kebebasan untuk berekspresi. meluk kalau sayang, nangis kalau sedih, ngumpet kalau takut, lari dan loncat2 kalau seneng. there is nothing theyre afraid to be expressed. ketika kita (i assume, young adults) tried to maintain their emotions. that word 'maintain' often scares me wayyy before the emotion itself appeared.  

curhat pagi. janji sebentar aja ngetiknya.
1. life is messy. agenda udah ga guna. kayanya tlalu byk hal di otak.
2. prioritas tingkat sudra. skripsi ga jalan. ngelimpahin amanah ke angkatan bawah sering diblock dg alasan 'belum pengalaman'
3. everything and everyone kills me softly. salah gw juga sih, mau2 aja dibunuh.
yah. semoga mati masuk surga, thats gonna worth the pain.

aamiin. dear Allah, we need some quality time, what time we can meet up? because my agenda is packed, i hope i can see you in between agendas, WITHOUT DISTRACTION.

layla dan majnun dan changcuters

sept 30 1719 hrs

love isnt that much different, back then in 7 century in an arabic tale written by a poet, and now, only a few years after the millennium of 2000 in a song by a toddler band. this is flattering.

the father of Majnun was surprised
seeing Layla such underrated.
To him, he saw what his son did not
and his son saw what his father did not.

kurang lebih seperti :
"biar kata mirip buaya,
bagiku luna maya"-nya Changcuters

ANTUSIAS!! dalam bersenang-senang.

sept 29, 1843hrs

yafidy was sitting next to me, which was a mistake. he was in a wrong time and in a wrong place at the moment. yap, si fidung terpaksa mendengarkan gundah gulana yang ngikutin gw sejak minggu pertama masuk semester terakhir di fk unpad.

half desperately i blurted out the list i need to do over the......day, week, month, semester. harus tetep semangat anyway (no other way), i said, realizing that muka gw somehow play role in setting people-next-to-me's mood.

semester terakhir ini tampaknya semua hal datang dan minta perhatian. angkatan yang tadinya adem ayem, tiba2 heboh, database, sekaligus batchbook, sekaligus ini ina itu yang....wayahna dateng di saat2 terakhir. sdmk asysyifaa yang emang ngasih amanah u/ ngurusin mubes ketua 2012 yang bakal diadain NOVEMBER (disaat memang sudah jadwalnya ngambil data lalala), bsmi yang tiba2 gempar dan menggeliat to show it exists, dan tiba2 merasa tenaga 1 orang ini PAYAH dan banyak orang itu ANUGERAH kalo bergerak dalam harmoni.

dan sms fidung dtg, gasih tau gw u/ buka email dan diforward ke dr.irma. blablabla, dan ini isinya, yang somehow.....supportive!

"Assalamualaikum herdinda,

Berikut saya sertakan hasil scan dari checklist medcheck TMA

Semoga bermanfaat

Salam, 

yafidung

P.S: Semangaaat! setiap amanahmu adalah kebaikan buatmu, pahala untukmu, dan lebih mendekatkanmu kepada Allah. Jangan galau dan patah semangat karena lo harus ANTUSIAS setiap mengerjakan amanahmu, dung. ANTUSIAS!!! "

gw bold dan italice because this DOUBLED my spirit! awrr.

selamat berusaha menchecklist to-do list-mu, herdinda. selamat. selamat. selamat. 

*what made my day:

1. duduk bareng dandon dan biondi di lecture, jadi bisa memutar-balik situasi tegang di ruang lecture menjadi hal yg bisa "disenyum-lebarkan" bersama.

2. di kantin ketemu fidung dan rani yang reabsorbing all the stresses.

3. ngegalau bareng astri di kamar right after gw balik dari puskesmas cibiru (yang btw sudah tutup by the time gw sampe disana)

4. ketemu si aldi, si debate-partner, yg ngajakin nonton marchingband di gor padjadjaran tgl 15 okt besok! yay!

5. akhirnya aulia khairani masuk ke kamar dan curhat2. yes!

*what concerned me:

1. skripsi yang tidak tersentuh dengan OPTIMAL (bisa disamadengankan dengan kata 'sama sekali')

2. puskesmas cibiru yang tutup 1,5 jam sebelum waktu biasanya. sehingga gw ga ketemu kepala puskesmasnya, yang berujung pada corcern #3

3. rescheduling u/ ketemu dokter gigi dan operasi dan cabut gigi lalalala, krn hari ini ga ketemu kepala puskesmas (yak, gw puter2 kalimat)

4. tanri nanyain berapa jumlah anak di angkatan th ini, dan gw kalang kabut ngitung. bad bad bad secretary.

5. malah blogging bukannya bikin revisi skripsi. 

ITS MY LIFE, IT IS NOW OR NEVER. I AINT GONNA LIVE FOREVER, I JUST WANNA LIVE WHILE IM ALIVE. ~ bersenang-senang! walaupun gw ga tau caranya, gw HARUS bersenang-senang!

sept 25 1818 hrs

abis ngacak2 kamar, for the sake of my melancholy booster which came in a sudden because NOONE in the house at the moment.

and i found this. a poem, yg ditulis o/ teman sebangku saya, talitha joy edwards.

her parents are missionaries, she had been living in africa/latin america for the mission (with capital 'm') sometime after we graduated from school.

guess my presence meant something to her. it was a few day before graduation party where i found this blue paper on my desk in mr. stoda's class, the writing was in gold-ink. it is titled:

''Never the Same''

''Aye, even as you read
This. Time flees on winged feet.
It flows from you.
Like the wake of a boat.
Never letting
A single moment
Linger.
Oh, to stop it
For even a second
'T would be delight.
A moment more
Of time.
Aye, this one
Would beg.
Yet, 'tis not to be
And, aye,
No matter how
This one wishes
This very poem
Will not even mean
Quite what
It did the first time
You read it''

she was like dedicating her one year for me. taught me english, taught me the good side of american teenager, taught me how to... use 'the' while my english teacher flipped out and surrender to teach me making essay. haha

and i found mine.

''my stories''

live in a states for one year,
i have been enjoying every single moment in here,
every single time filled with eager.
those days are my unforgetable moments,
when i spent time with all my friends.
assemblies, especially color war, i heard the seniors' roars.
mr. stoda, mr glavas, mrs dawson, mr oboyle, and mr o'malley,
i write, read, talk, and hear,
they are all speaking english, drive me a little crazy.
i have great memories in every single class, senior project and cat dissections,
mr walker confused when i asked what is 'the' for,
foreign exchange page for yearbook's score,
always be a procrastinator in algebra,
try to be goofy and silly in drama.
my first american birthday with balloon and brownies,
my first snow with cold and flurries.
time is running so fast,
left me behind with sweet memories from the past.
if i could turn back time, i would.
if there was a chance to live in these days, i definitely should.
i like my friends!
my friends today, friends forever.

fuuhh. well, time is absolutely different now :)

#6

sept 23, 1743 hrs

hell is here and now. so is heaven. quit worrying about hell or dreaming about heaven, as they both present inside this very moment. every time we fall in love, we ascend to heaven. every time we hate, envy, or fright someone, we tumble straight into the fires of hell.
-ES


an old besty called only 20 minutes before midnight. i picked up the phone, only to shut the ring off, i didnt feel like talking, i was sleepy and tired. i let him talked, and i listened, if it wasnt only i heard mumbles, i couldnt recall his sayings. the conversation mostly filled up with my 'hmm', 'ya', and 'go on', and it ended up with nothing i could recall in the next morning. one thing frightened me though, which the only i remembered was that the statement he  made about me cannot distinguish 'giving love' and 'being kind.' i wonder if there any difference, but to him, there is a clear difference between those. the reason which i couldnt recall will be remained unknown, i guess. i dont wanna know the difference. let those stay blurred to me.

baru ngebaca postingan asha jaman dulu. semoga langgeng!

experimental friend.

sept 22. 1100hrs

eversince i discovered the principle to love everyone like it will not hurt anyone, i have never thought the idiom "experimental friend" would be invented. but it is a discovery now, to me.

i remembered i was admiring patch adams for that he did, harvesting smiles and generous friendships. just before being that patch adams, he was experimenting. he said hi-es to strangers, he waved to a bunch of kids in some random school buses, and watched for the responses.

i understand now that, people may have distance, unclosed gaps between you and him/her/them. when the willingness to understand them is big enough, we can start experimenting. start with hello, guess that will not pay you a sweat. i did some initial experiments, but me is bad in maintaining the 'lab.' so, some of my experiments were stuck in the moment and still continuing only the hi-es.

yet, this friend, i have known for 3 years, has been experimenting and putting me as the lab rat, without my informed consent. but truly i am getting along very well with the professor who runs the lab. i understand that to understand, people need to reveal bit by bit of secrets. because what makes clashes, misunderstandings, underestimatings, awful-feelings is the reluctance to uncover the links which usually are the point of thing can be understood.

just be free to try, see how the fruits come after all.

#5: for those who made my day!

sept 19, 2342hrs

thank you for those who made my day happier:

fahrani, thx for late-night talks, secret sacred stories, freedom to express and extraordinary ridiculous moments
astri, thx for late-night talks, a person i can be spoiled as much as i want, i can rely on without any guilt-feeling
nadhila, thx for hasan's stories, contagious laughs, between now and then deep insights
bu atih, thx for being such an understanding ibu kantin yg mau ngebikinin gw bubur due to gigi gw yg sakit
pak cecep, thx for being such a wise pak satpam who was reminding me that fear scares only minds, go pray and believe in urself.
reza fahlevi, thx for a long,in-purpose-killing-time talks about the most lively places on earth
mikoriza, thx for buying me roti suyi pagi2 even though i knew u had no breakfast yet
mishbah, thx for being such a nice 24 hrs friends yg ga pernah marah kalo ditelp in such an odd times

the above list is not in order. because they have special amount of cares. thanks for some of you whose names arent mentioned because i simply dont have the guts to write yours down. for you, rules #5
most of problems of the world stem from linguistic mistakes and simple misunderstandings. Dont ever take words at face value. when you step into the zone of love, language as we know it becomes obselete. that which cannot be put into words can only be grasped through silence. 

may Allah gives blessings upon you all.

#4

sept 19. 0636 am

i must confess that this is addictive!

intellect and love are made of different materials. intellect ties people in knots and risk nothing, but love dissolves all the tangles and risk everything. intellect is always cautious and advises, "Beware too much ecstasy," whereas love says, "Oh, never mind! Take the plunge!" intellect does not easily breakdown, whereas love can effortlessly reduce itself to rubble. but treasures are hidden among ruins. a broken heart hides treasures.

good morning, monday :)