September 13, 2017
Last night, I finally felt the urge to write. About anything,
but I just cannot. I have topics to discussed, if not with others, then with
myself. Roles as mother, when I realized that I didn’t know how to mother. As a
daughter, when I had argument with my mom and dad considering my future and
family. As a wife, when little article slapped me, telling me how to be a good
serving wife, instead of what I have done now.
I used to have freedom to write, because I stood up my own
opinion based on my own background. I used to believe that I cannot be common. I
need to be different.
Once I marry my husband, I have deep responsibility to
protect his dignity and security. I am too afraid to break the comfort. Once I have
a baby, I profusely spend my resource trying to be a good mother without
knowing how. Even worse, once I am inside the institution, I am frightened by
people’s judgement.
At first, I thought I was living in the world of ‘no
questions asked.’ I cannot be me, I cannot be nice, silent is much better than
ideas. Suppressing the idea and no bravery to say opinion has been around
within the culture. For some period, I believe that staying calm, down to
earth, and keep silent are the key to strive and survive, just go with the
flow. But then, what is the purpose of spending 4 years pretending?
But here, today, I saw many role models of being different
and disruptive. If I start usual, I will be usual. If we start different, we
will end outstanding. Living a life of a doctor, as one said, like putting one
leg on the edge of a cliff. At anytime, we can fall and fail. Patients may die,
one may be fail, but its how we react toward nature.
Kata mas irsyad, we are in the world of diamond mining. We are
surrounded with brilliant and intelligent people. We cannot be just a diamond,
kita harus jadi berlian yang loncat-loncat.
Thanks to teh nada and keken to respond my vague thought. Thanks
to mas danny and mas adly for telling us that we are not living in ‘that’ dark
dark world and mankind are kind.
