sing along
Oct 31, 2019 2214 hrs
he once reminded me,
"hakuna matata, kamu jaganya besok, stressnya sekarang. ke RSCM nya besok, stressnya sekarang."
it means no worries for the rest of your life, its a problem-free philosophy.
if i sing, then he sang along. if he sang, i kept silent adoring.
kalo udah denger
"you know our love was mean to be, kind of love that last forever.."
" i cant fight this feeling any longer, and yet im still afraid to let it flow.. what started as friendship has gone stronger, i only wish i had the strength to let it show..
atau
"im lying around, with my head on the phone thinking of you till it hurts"
i just cannot help it to mumble. love bgt kalo ngeliat doi ngeUSG sambil humming the song along..
once he said, "lagu jaman dulu itu semuanya tentang jatuh cintaaaaaaa terus, bayangin aja, came crushing through your door, baby i cant fight this feeling anymore"
bahasa inggrisnya bagus
good old song taste
Sp.OG
i feel like adoring myself, except for the brain probably he has it better now, but one day ya dok, you will be proud that ur student passed you. i will be a better teacher
Happy birthday dokter awang, semoga selalu dimudahkan di dunia dan akhirat. semoga bisa bertemu dokter dan belajar lagi pas USG gin, pas EP USG RSP, dan setelahnya.
list of best teacher throughout indonesia and washington
1. mr. jason galvas
2. mas adhitia nugrahanto
3. dr purnawan senoaji
4. dr aditya rangga putera
5. mr. sean o'malley
one day i will be speaking around the world thanking these cool guys for crosspathing my life making me who i am today
tim karawang digoyang
 | |
| kakak chief terbaik, 2a tersayang, 1a terganteng, tergombal tapi tukang bobok kaya bayi disaat kakaknya kerja kaya kuli. i loved them. |
solemn operating theatre
22 Agustus 2019 0851
operating theatre has been intriguing. the feeling i have been having is the mixture of :
1) freedom
2) burdenless obligation
3) solemn intimacy
to me, it still depends on who you work with.
- dr. aditya rangga, who later i found out that he is also an afser to belgium 1998
- dr. yuri feharsal, who once upon a time was sat one row on an 2 hour flight
- mas zuli, who can sing every song they played in the OR
- mas adhit, who has all the willingness to share and help and back up
i appreciate the chance to have one or two-hour surgery to understand better
i should take picture with them
operating theatre has been intriguing. the feeling i have been having is the mixture of :
1) freedom
2) burdenless obligation
3) solemn intimacy
to me, it still depends on who you work with.
- dr. aditya rangga, who later i found out that he is also an afser to belgium 1998
- dr. yuri feharsal, who once upon a time was sat one row on an 2 hour flight
- mas zuli, who can sing every song they played in the OR
- mas adhit, who has all the willingness to share and help and back up
i appreciate the chance to have one or two-hour surgery to understand better
i should take picture with them
passionate to knife and stitch
july 30, 2019. 0732 hrs
it was thursday morning. we were going to have surgery to a pregnant mother of one daughter. yolk sac tumor had been recognized spreading to liver and certain level of abdomen. we predicted this gonna be a long day: cesarean section continued with debulking and another debulking of a recurrent cancer of uterus.
cesarean section went pretty smooth. we got the baby out, he cried out loud. we stitched, bleeding from our knife were controlled.
but it was pool of blood piled up. we sucked the blood, for 3 second the operating field was clean, but the the blood rose and stagnated. tumor implants were seen all the way from top to bottom. i told myself, the baby wont see her mom. the abdomen then packed with gauze, hoping the blood would clotted themselves. 7 hours of surgery.
we were just pushing our luck to the edge. mother died 12 hours after surgery.
we had only around 30 minutes to drink, eat, and pray while the nurses get the next patient ready.
the surgery that just about to performed was rather big and the operator was rather: the master. he delivered the baby of president's grad son. how cool.. but it wasnt that. for us, the surgery had to be conducted well. at the exact time, it wasnt so sweet, a lot of sighing, swearing, chuckles of disappointment.
every surgery has the pearls. this one of my favorite moments. 6 hours of surgery, exactly in front of me the most respected consultant, with me the trainees that has been showing the beauty of meticulous movement, revealing other side of obgyn i had never discovered. they can still be humorous and at moments prior surgery, they are pious. they were emotionless on the table, passionate and perfectionist.
my respect and appreciation to dr gatot purwoto, dr kade yudi, dr brian, dr anindhita, dr renardy reza, dr indiarto.
it was thursday morning. we were going to have surgery to a pregnant mother of one daughter. yolk sac tumor had been recognized spreading to liver and certain level of abdomen. we predicted this gonna be a long day: cesarean section continued with debulking and another debulking of a recurrent cancer of uterus.
cesarean section went pretty smooth. we got the baby out, he cried out loud. we stitched, bleeding from our knife were controlled.
but it was pool of blood piled up. we sucked the blood, for 3 second the operating field was clean, but the the blood rose and stagnated. tumor implants were seen all the way from top to bottom. i told myself, the baby wont see her mom. the abdomen then packed with gauze, hoping the blood would clotted themselves. 7 hours of surgery.
we were just pushing our luck to the edge. mother died 12 hours after surgery.
we had only around 30 minutes to drink, eat, and pray while the nurses get the next patient ready.
the surgery that just about to performed was rather big and the operator was rather: the master. he delivered the baby of president's grad son. how cool.. but it wasnt that. for us, the surgery had to be conducted well. at the exact time, it wasnt so sweet, a lot of sighing, swearing, chuckles of disappointment.
every surgery has the pearls. this one of my favorite moments. 6 hours of surgery, exactly in front of me the most respected consultant, with me the trainees that has been showing the beauty of meticulous movement, revealing other side of obgyn i had never discovered. they can still be humorous and at moments prior surgery, they are pious. they were emotionless on the table, passionate and perfectionist.
my respect and appreciation to dr gatot purwoto, dr kade yudi, dr brian, dr anindhita, dr renardy reza, dr indiarto.
emotionless residents and trainees
11/7/19 07.25
i was having a discussion with my husband last night during our way to home after he picked me up at the hospital.
i frankly told him that is there anyway to be a person that is attractive enough to other people to be willing to open up to me, choosing me as a person that definitely would loved to hear their stories. do we have to have other criteria, other than being sincere?
hospital routines has been tiring, weary as other would have the same exact opinion. people are connected by rational reason, treating patients with knowledge and practice skill. people, some, have an easy going characteristic, fun to mingle with. while others, have firm wall beyond their personal. they know what is their priority, they know answers that has been expected, they dont pay anytime in other section outside rational thinking.
but yet, we are all human being. we definitely have that emotional thinking. i wish i could be one other friend that is able to sneak up in everybody's human being side.
if it is rational relationship, people tend to leveling themselves to their counter person. if it is emotional relationship, it is almost impossible to achieved such thing in setting of hospital and PPDS life.
isnt it fun to have sense of yourself having a part in other's daily life? and they are recognize your presence emotionally, as other human being and being open up.
i would love to sneak up to those emotionless residents and trainees, knowing their hidden side that contributes to their excellence and dedications.
i was having a discussion with my husband last night during our way to home after he picked me up at the hospital.
i frankly told him that is there anyway to be a person that is attractive enough to other people to be willing to open up to me, choosing me as a person that definitely would loved to hear their stories. do we have to have other criteria, other than being sincere?
hospital routines has been tiring, weary as other would have the same exact opinion. people are connected by rational reason, treating patients with knowledge and practice skill. people, some, have an easy going characteristic, fun to mingle with. while others, have firm wall beyond their personal. they know what is their priority, they know answers that has been expected, they dont pay anytime in other section outside rational thinking.
but yet, we are all human being. we definitely have that emotional thinking. i wish i could be one other friend that is able to sneak up in everybody's human being side.
if it is rational relationship, people tend to leveling themselves to their counter person. if it is emotional relationship, it is almost impossible to achieved such thing in setting of hospital and PPDS life.
isnt it fun to have sense of yourself having a part in other's daily life? and they are recognize your presence emotionally, as other human being and being open up.
i would love to sneak up to those emotionless residents and trainees, knowing their hidden side that contributes to their excellence and dedications.
mindless fatherless creature
may 20th 1445
who made your day? your chief. who ruined your day? your chief.
he is the worst kind of human being i have ever deal with. bunga bangkai. yes, probably that is what represent his whole characteristics. the largest individual parasitic creature. spreads odor and negativity
it is his way to educate, positively thinking, that men under rough circumstance will show the greatest power and effort to survive. he put his every single might he has as a chief to drain all energy left of his workers to its limit, to suffocate in turns of goal achieved.
it is not wisdom, nor fairness. simply his joy to absorbs eagerness trades it with cruelty and injustice. injustice might have slight different meaning. i would call it dzalim.
he pushed me to the edge of ikhlas. if it is not wrong for me to not forgive, then i will not forgive. if it is not wrong for me to swear, then i will swear that i will watch him from distance every single fairness, or if may i would call azab, Allah would bring to test him.
dear Allah, saya tidak sudi dan saya sangat sakit hati atas perbuatan dan kepemimpinannya. i let you to finish whatever you might plan in order to show him that whatever he has been done to me, to us is unfair and he is wrong. please let him know that he is wrong. perhaps Allah will show him the way.
i will not forget. mungkin one day i will forgive. but i will not forget.
Ya Allah, jangan jadikan anak cucu keturunanku suatu sifat dzalim.
mungkin dia lupa suatu saat dia akan mati.
who made your day? your chief. who ruined your day? your chief.
he is the worst kind of human being i have ever deal with. bunga bangkai. yes, probably that is what represent his whole characteristics. the largest individual parasitic creature. spreads odor and negativity
it is his way to educate, positively thinking, that men under rough circumstance will show the greatest power and effort to survive. he put his every single might he has as a chief to drain all energy left of his workers to its limit, to suffocate in turns of goal achieved.
it is not wisdom, nor fairness. simply his joy to absorbs eagerness trades it with cruelty and injustice. injustice might have slight different meaning. i would call it dzalim.
he pushed me to the edge of ikhlas. if it is not wrong for me to not forgive, then i will not forgive. if it is not wrong for me to swear, then i will swear that i will watch him from distance every single fairness, or if may i would call azab, Allah would bring to test him.
dear Allah, saya tidak sudi dan saya sangat sakit hati atas perbuatan dan kepemimpinannya. i let you to finish whatever you might plan in order to show him that whatever he has been done to me, to us is unfair and he is wrong. please let him know that he is wrong. perhaps Allah will show him the way.
i will not forget. mungkin one day i will forgive. but i will not forget.
Ya Allah, jangan jadikan anak cucu keturunanku suatu sifat dzalim.
mungkin dia lupa suatu saat dia akan mati.
sudah jadi MANDOR, bentar lagi PELAPOR
April 10th, 2019.
1030 hrs
mandor : orang yang paling berkuasa di IGD, di VK, di OK.
dan inilah mandor2 tersayang semester ini
 |
| T2A, 5 semester lagi |
after all the burdens, hardships, struggles, devastation
emphasizing to self and others the point of not giving up
try to push other's back so we can still living with only "these" that we have.
i only have these guys
 |
| my favorites |
when to afraid to ask, when to afraid to yell, this is the only place to hang on
one's husband one's wife may not be fully understand,
one's boy/girlfriend may not throughly experience and we have experienced
kakak kelas wont give a damn
ade kelas are too young to realize
 |
| next year : BALI ! aamiin |
"There's only us, there's only this
Forget regret, or life is your's to miss
No other path, no other way
No day but today"
Forget regret, or life is your's to miss
No other path, no other way
No day but today"
satu rasa
oct 2, 2018 2020 hrs
apa sih yang buat sekolah ini begitu berat?
kalo gw sih, karena ga ada tempat cerita karena ga ada satupun yang serasa.
we have different roles. yang satu mungkin seorang ibu, yang lain masih perawan/perjaka/ga jelas apa orientasi seksualnya, atau ga jelas kapan nikahnya. yang satu pengen bisa membabat semua pasien SC, yang lain ngerasa ibu2 kesakitan itu tak pantas disakiti. yang satu dpt self esteem dengan menjadi pintar, yang satu cuma pengen lulus, yang lainnya masih denial knp terjerumus ke obgin.
mungkin di luar sana banyak yang punya cerita sama, masalahnya ga pernah jodoh untuk ketemu dan bicara. mungkin di dekat-dekat kita banyak yang mau mendengar, tapi kitanya yang takut cerita, kitanya yang ga ada waktu untuk cerita, berpikir orang lain juga punya masalahnya sendiri.
padahal mungkin, life would be so much easier if we share.
ga akan menjanjikan bahwa kehidupan ini seketika indah sih.. tapi, paling ga jadi tau bahwa ada yang mau dengar, ada yang berkenan menyediakan waktu, tahu bahwa diantara orang2 sibuk yang selalu dalam deadline dan ketakutan, ada yang peduli ternyata.
kita semua hanyut dengan cerita dan masalah masing-masing. lupa bahagia, kalo kata mas marco.
and when somebody is quit, kita berlomba-lomba supporting not to quit, when they are already decided to quit.
ibu ini tangguh, punya banyak cerita di balik keadaan dirinya yang sekarang. i cannot claimed i knew her well, but i have know her enough to wish her well and believe that Allah loves her so much. God indeed gives her all the prayer, i have sent to Allah. my prayer find reasons to quit school.
she quit, but i believe it is so much BETTER for her. if i was closer to her, i would certainly support whatever decision she has made. hamil. above all reason to stay in ppds, this is the best fortune Allah can give to His human. she gets pregnant and quit. kurang indah apalagi. (well, pernah gw berdoa mati syahid ajalah kalo ppds begini bgt jalan cerita hidupnya -_-")
dia keterima ppds. dia hamil. di keluar. SEMUA jenis acknowledgement she have achieved. all the dream i have wanted is in her story.
siapa sih ppds yang ga mau keluar? siapa ppds yang berharap Tuhan memilihkan jalan buat dia, so they could be happier? siapa yang ga muak menjalani hari-hari seperti layaknya hari-hari ppds.. ogbin lagi.. terus siapa aja yang Allah selamatkan dari ini semua? Dia. Sehingga dia bisa berperan layaknya ibu, layaknya istri, layaknya teman, layaknya manusia normal..
i wished her well, apapun pilihannya. if she returns, she would be missed very much, if she decide to quit, she would done other roles better than when she is in the school,
paling tidak, kita pernah satu rasa.
apa sih yang buat sekolah ini begitu berat?
kalo gw sih, karena ga ada tempat cerita karena ga ada satupun yang serasa.
we have different roles. yang satu mungkin seorang ibu, yang lain masih perawan/perjaka/ga jelas apa orientasi seksualnya, atau ga jelas kapan nikahnya. yang satu pengen bisa membabat semua pasien SC, yang lain ngerasa ibu2 kesakitan itu tak pantas disakiti. yang satu dpt self esteem dengan menjadi pintar, yang satu cuma pengen lulus, yang lainnya masih denial knp terjerumus ke obgin.
mungkin di luar sana banyak yang punya cerita sama, masalahnya ga pernah jodoh untuk ketemu dan bicara. mungkin di dekat-dekat kita banyak yang mau mendengar, tapi kitanya yang takut cerita, kitanya yang ga ada waktu untuk cerita, berpikir orang lain juga punya masalahnya sendiri.
padahal mungkin, life would be so much easier if we share.
ga akan menjanjikan bahwa kehidupan ini seketika indah sih.. tapi, paling ga jadi tau bahwa ada yang mau dengar, ada yang berkenan menyediakan waktu, tahu bahwa diantara orang2 sibuk yang selalu dalam deadline dan ketakutan, ada yang peduli ternyata.
kita semua hanyut dengan cerita dan masalah masing-masing. lupa bahagia, kalo kata mas marco.
and when somebody is quit, kita berlomba-lomba supporting not to quit, when they are already decided to quit.
ibu ini tangguh, punya banyak cerita di balik keadaan dirinya yang sekarang. i cannot claimed i knew her well, but i have know her enough to wish her well and believe that Allah loves her so much. God indeed gives her all the prayer, i have sent to Allah. my prayer find reasons to quit school.
she quit, but i believe it is so much BETTER for her. if i was closer to her, i would certainly support whatever decision she has made. hamil. above all reason to stay in ppds, this is the best fortune Allah can give to His human. she gets pregnant and quit. kurang indah apalagi. (well, pernah gw berdoa mati syahid ajalah kalo ppds begini bgt jalan cerita hidupnya -_-")
dia keterima ppds. dia hamil. di keluar. SEMUA jenis acknowledgement she have achieved. all the dream i have wanted is in her story.
siapa sih ppds yang ga mau keluar? siapa ppds yang berharap Tuhan memilihkan jalan buat dia, so they could be happier? siapa yang ga muak menjalani hari-hari seperti layaknya hari-hari ppds.. ogbin lagi.. terus siapa aja yang Allah selamatkan dari ini semua? Dia. Sehingga dia bisa berperan layaknya ibu, layaknya istri, layaknya teman, layaknya manusia normal..
i wished her well, apapun pilihannya. if she returns, she would be missed very much, if she decide to quit, she would done other roles better than when she is in the school,
paling tidak, kita pernah satu rasa.
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