again, temporary.

"ALL things in life is TEMPORARY.
If going well, enjoy it, they won't last forever.
If going wrong, don't worry. they can't last long."

this used to give me great impact, my readers got inspired by those phrase.
i wonder why words dont affect me as much as they used to.


mediocre

july 6, 2013. 1020 hrs

semalem nadhila ke kamar, we got some time untuk catching up with each others stories.

then, she came up with story that a friend, she refused to mention the name, menanyakan kenapa sejak obgin gw berubah. bahasanya sih gw jd less care, kalo diinterpretasiin shallowly sih semacam ignorant kali ya..


jawaban nadhila, si herdinda lagi bosen ama perkoasan.

jawaban gw dalem hati sih, mungkin karena gw udah ga mencintai hal yang dulu gw cintai.


lucu juga ngeliat hal yang dulu i had been fell madly sekarang jadi sesuatu yang mediocre.
prioritas berubah.

for better or worse? some get my better, some get my worse.
untuk diri gw sendiri sih, idk. i felt numb mostly.

mazel tov.

*i know i need to me more positive. :) at least im staying on medicine, thats a good thing.


we think we have time,

june 6, 2013. 0845

it was over a week ago : last night shift in internal medicine department.

selesai stase IPD itu seperti mengeluarkan setengah beban jiwa, apalagi sadar sepenuhnya bahwa selasa malam itu seminggu lalu adalah my last jage!

jaga terakhir gw di ruangan dahlia, yang isinya bapak ibu yang menderita tuberkulosis plus plus, plus sakit liver, plus resisten obat TB jadinya mesti nyoba obat yang has higher strength. kalo ketularan...ya namanya rizkinya, mudah2an engga.

so, it was a pretty peaceful night shift. gw ditugasin observasi si ibu I, di bed 6 kamar 1, et causa si ibu punya gagal ginjal dan penurunan kesadaran.. keluarganya udah ga mau si ibu diapa2in (seharusnya si ibu di cuci darah), dan minta pulang paksa, against medical advice. pas gw lagi istirahat makan malem, pak boby (yang menurut gw sangat *if not, terlalu, oke sebagai perawat dahlia) nganter si ibu ke mobil keluarganya di igd depan. pas gw istirahat makan malem, ternyata si ibu istirahat selama2nya di perjalanan menuju mobilnya. innalillahi..

at first to me its another death. its the same with the previous death, and the upcoming death the day after that, but then the difference was i read this in that precise night, its like the dead warned me:

"its such a shame to waste time. we always think we have much of it." - one more day, by: mitch albom.

may she rest in peace.





than candy cake..

may 16, 2013. 1057 hrs

memories arent stay there longer when it is fated to fade.
neither text, photographs, even mind.

let us say, brain injury, or simply misplace your favorite pictures,
or blog error, erasing old stories that you have tried so hard to keep.
if it is meant to be yours again, if it is meant to reappear after a long lost
it will pop up in front of you. out of nowhere, anytime, even in the most awkward one.

and when it come back to you, sweet memories are sweeter than a candy cake.

like the 1001 old text messages, in form of some of the best and unforgettable pictures i have had in 24 years of life,

in closer focus

center pic

whole object

scrapframe.

seminggu lagi longcase IPD
dan belum belajar.

baru baca blognya kang dani, intinya:

"berbahagialah, berbaik sangkalah kepada Allah."

gw yakin insyaAllah, Allah bakal ngelulusin longcase gw,
ya tapi, kalo ga belajar.......

belajar woy.

gw malah ngerjain ini... this makes me happy though..
another way to enjoy, and discover fun.. SCRAPFRAME!

this is another product of addiction,

wonder if i can get a week off and wanna see whether i can make 20 more frames.

:)

im happy!

and happiness is contagious (supposed to be, thou)

somebody that i used to know

april 11, 2013. 1945 hrs

"Barangsiapa yang mendekat kepada-Ku satu hasta maka Aku akan mendekat kepadanya satu lengan, dan barang siapa mendekat kepada-Ku satu lengan maka Aku akan mendekat kepadanya dua lengan, dan jika ia menghadap kepada-Ku dengan berjalan maka Aku menemuinya dengan berlari." (Hadits diriwayatkan oleh Bukhari-Muslim)

segitu aja deh. 
iman itu bukan sekedar di hati, bukan sekedar niat, tapi di kata dan perbuatan. di perbuatan. 

kembali baik itu ga gampang euy. tapi selalu ada jalan buat kembali baik, katanya. 

kalo nginget hidupnya si herdinda dulu, dia si somebody that i used to know. skrg udah ga kenal, berasa miris ngeliat gw teh sekarang ada di sumur gitu ya? gelap pisun. 

sekarang paling gampang bilang: yasudahlah. may God forgive.

semoga besok pagi saya tidak memulai hari dengan manyun. aamiin. pdhl gw tau manyun tanda ga bersyukur, teu sae, tetep aja manyun bari jeung berdoa semoga hari ini cepat berakhir -_-"







air beriak tanda tak dalam.

ga sama halnya dengan di dunia perkoasan. air beriak tanda dapet a. ilmu padi bukan kultur.
wasnt that embarassing?

di sini mungkin implementasi 'bermain kotor itu baik' ternyata benar ada.
selamat menjadi manusia yg lebih baik. sulit, tapi mutlak harus lebih baik.

walaupun mungkin tidak lebih baik untuk mereka, tapi lebih baik untuk beberapa hati.

we dont have to win every hearts. we have to win for our own definition.

cupet

banyak hal yang menumpulkan hati, salah satunya:
berhenti memikirkan orang lain dan fokus ke diri sendiri, focus on what will i get.
miskin sudut pandang, cuma mikirin yang nikmat2 aja.
lupa kalo Tuhan itu ngasih ujian itu via apapun, termasuk hal2 yang menyenangkan hati.

hidup udah mencong.
semoga neraka ga ngedeket.

kata Al-Quran, Allah Maha Pengampun, Penyayang, Pengasih.
there's always a way to be good again.


boneka..

march 4, 2013 2103 hrs

gw baru tau kenapa some kids suka tidur bareng boneka.. since i was a kid, my parents always tried to limit any addictions that might lead to certain silly behavior disorders.. seperti, ga bisa tidur kalo ga ada boneka, ga bisa tidur kalo ga ditepok2, nangis2 kalo ditinggal mama kerja, ngerengek2 kalo baby sitter gw pulang kampung, etc etc.

the point is, i can survive no matter how discomfort the zone was,

tapi ternyata, ketika biasa di tempat yg discomfort, ketika nemuin hal yang comforting, tetep aja gw milih berada di tempat yang make me feel better..

yeah, right now, i got my boneka, atau sesuatu, apapun itu yang bikin tidur lebih comforting dan lebih aman..