stase pertemanan mevvah

November 1-30th, 2019





The art of medicine is to cure sometimes, to relieve often, to comfort always.
this team was comfortable, and nyumun
we are also the patients ourselves, surrounded by sickness, negativity, and outside hypocrites.
 but we cleaned that up. this month went well. 
no maternal mortality report. because only God knows how we cannot deal with it. 
this is the best part. thank you notes :



1. to kakak chief. mba raden and mba galuh were the best duo despites of the language. Mba raden was thorough, did not have any hidden agenda. mba galuh was fun, we love the same kind of people, we hate the same kind of people, the difference is she got the gut to say it out loud. i would rather deal with it myself.. :D. Mba ajeng was rather patience, thoughtful, full of consideration. mas pur was a good supporting system, we sang the same song, he edited video while i barely knew what to do. mas mario was easy-going adaptan from serbia, he was fun, still in charge like a chief, a real chief, took over what was hard. he was just once told us that he cannot do US exam underpresure, while pretty much everyday we WERE underpressured.

 
2. TS Pelapor mas reyhan. i could not think of any other T2B that may fits me. ican was too hard to deal, raymond was too smart i may end up become a burden. simply i have less  chemistry on others. we sang the same song, although he claimed he has classy taste of music and say songs i sang was department store songs. we had 3 hours driving sing along songs and that wasnt too bad. actually not bad at all.


3. my beautiful mandor. she was perfectionist. she just cannot deal with mistakes, or low self-esteem. she was the best mandor i had. i have no complained of her. she took care of every patients, importantly she moves the patients out of the ER. i hope one day she can manage her insecurity, knowing that all iz well. i was once sad seeing her so insecure about future, marriage life, but im sure she'll be okay
4. Amalia shadrina, despite of the past, asked dewita how amal was doing during the month. i had also no complained. to me, she was like a teenager seeking for her soul to anchor.
5.  i had 4 hours long conversation when he was driving us up to bandung. he has good english, i always like people with good english. he was just incapable of speak proper slank indonesian. he was unique with his all background and experience.He is smart, he just cannot say it in indonesian. my favorite compliment from liam is "not all seniors like you, mbak.."







love bgt sih ama grup ini.nyumun. LOVE

sing along

Oct 31, 2019 2214 hrs

he once reminded me, 
"hakuna matata, kamu jaganya besok, stressnya sekarang. ke RSCM nya besok, stressnya sekarang."
it means no worries for the rest of your life, its a problem-free philosophy.

if i sing, then he sang along. if he sang, i kept silent adoring.

kalo udah denger

"you know  our love was mean to be, kind of love that last forever.."

" i cant fight this feeling any longer, and yet im still afraid to let it flow.. what started as friendship has gone stronger, i only wish i had the strength to let it show..

atau

"im lying around, with my head on the phone thinking of you till it hurts"

i just cannot help it to mumble. love bgt kalo ngeliat doi ngeUSG sambil humming the song along..

once he said, "lagu jaman dulu itu semuanya tentang jatuh cintaaaaaaa terus, bayangin aja, came crushing through your door, baby i cant fight this feeling anymore"

bahasa inggrisnya bagus
good old song taste
Sp.OG

i feel like adoring myself, except for the brain probably he has it better now, but one day ya dok, you will be proud that ur student passed you. i will be a better teacher

Happy birthday dokter awang, semoga selalu dimudahkan di dunia dan akhirat. semoga bisa bertemu dokter dan belajar lagi pas USG gin, pas EP USG RSP, dan setelahnya.
 


list of best teacher throughout indonesia and washington
1. mr. jason galvas
2. mas adhitia nugrahanto
3. dr purnawan senoaji
4. dr aditya rangga  putera
5. mr. sean o'malley

one day i will be speaking around the world thanking these cool guys for crosspathing my life making me who i am today

tim karawang digoyang

kakak chief terbaik, 2a tersayang, 1a terganteng, tergombal tapi tukang bobok kaya bayi disaat kakaknya kerja kaya kuli. i loved them.

solemn operating theatre

22 Agustus 2019 0851

operating theatre has been intriguing. the feeling i have been having is the mixture of :
1) freedom
2) burdenless obligation
3) solemn intimacy

to me, it still depends on who you work with.
- dr. aditya rangga, who later i found out that he is also an afser to belgium 1998
- dr. yuri feharsal, who once upon a time was sat one row on an 2 hour flight
- mas zuli, who can sing every song they played in the OR
- mas adhit, who has all the willingness to share and help and back up
i appreciate the chance to have one or two-hour surgery to understand better

i should take picture with them

passionate to knife and stitch

july 30, 2019. 0732 hrs

it was thursday morning. we were going to have surgery to a pregnant mother of one daughter. yolk sac tumor had been recognized spreading to liver and certain level of abdomen. we predicted this gonna be a long day: cesarean section continued with debulking and another debulking of a recurrent cancer of uterus.

cesarean section went pretty smooth. we got the baby out, he cried out loud. we stitched, bleeding from our knife were controlled.

but it was pool of blood piled up. we sucked the blood, for 3 second the operating field was clean, but the the blood rose and stagnated. tumor implants were seen all the way from top to bottom. i told myself, the baby wont see her mom. the abdomen then packed with gauze, hoping the blood would clotted themselves. 7 hours of surgery.

we were just pushing our luck to the edge. mother died 12 hours after surgery.

we had only around 30 minutes to drink, eat, and pray while the nurses get the next patient ready.

the surgery that just about to performed was rather big and the operator was rather: the master. he delivered the baby of president's grad son. how cool.. but it wasnt that. for us, the surgery had to be conducted well. at the exact time, it wasnt so sweet, a lot of sighing, swearing, chuckles of disappointment.

every surgery has the pearls. this one of my favorite moments. 6 hours of surgery, exactly in front of me the most respected consultant, with me the trainees that has been showing the beauty of meticulous movement, revealing other side of obgyn i had never discovered. they can still be humorous and at moments prior surgery, they are pious. they were emotionless on the table, passionate and perfectionist.

my respect and appreciation to dr gatot purwoto, dr kade yudi, dr brian, dr anindhita, dr renardy reza, dr  indiarto.

emotionless residents and trainees

11/7/19 07.25

i was having a discussion with my husband last night during our way to home after he picked me up at the hospital.

i frankly told him that is there anyway to be a person that is attractive enough to other people to be willing to open up to me, choosing me as a person that definitely would loved to hear their stories. do we have to have other criteria, other than being sincere?

hospital routines has been tiring, weary as other would have the same exact opinion. people are connected by rational reason, treating patients with knowledge and practice skill. people, some, have an easy going characteristic, fun to mingle with. while others, have firm wall beyond their personal. they know what is their priority, they know answers that has been expected, they dont pay anytime in other section outside rational thinking.

but yet, we are all human being. we definitely have that emotional thinking. i wish i could be one other friend that is able to sneak up in everybody's human being side.

if it is rational relationship, people tend to leveling themselves to their counter person. if it is emotional relationship, it is almost impossible to achieved such thing in setting of hospital and PPDS life.

isnt it fun to have sense of yourself having a part in other's daily life? and they are recognize your presence emotionally, as other human being and being open up.

i would love to sneak up to those emotionless residents and trainees, knowing their hidden side that contributes to their excellence and dedications.

mindless fatherless creature

may 20th 1445

who made your day? your chief. who ruined your day? your chief.

 he is the worst kind of human being i have ever deal with. bunga bangkai. yes, probably that is what represent his whole characteristics. the largest individual parasitic creature. spreads odor and negativity

it is his way to educate, positively thinking, that men under rough circumstance will show the greatest power and effort to survive. he put his every single might he has as a chief to drain all energy left of his workers to its limit, to suffocate in turns of goal achieved.

it is not wisdom, nor fairness. simply his joy to absorbs eagerness trades it with cruelty and injustice. injustice might have slight different meaning. i would call it dzalim.

he pushed me to the edge of ikhlas. if it is not wrong for me to not forgive, then i will not forgive. if it is not wrong for me to swear, then i will swear that i will watch him from distance every single fairness, or if may i would call azab, Allah would bring to test him.

dear Allah, saya tidak sudi dan saya sangat sakit hati atas perbuatan dan kepemimpinannya. i let you to finish whatever you might plan in order to show him that whatever he has been done to me, to us is unfair and he is wrong. please let him know that he is wrong. perhaps Allah will show him the way.

i will not forget. mungkin one day i will forgive. but i will not forget.

Ya Allah, jangan jadikan anak cucu keturunanku suatu sifat dzalim.

mungkin dia lupa suatu saat dia akan mati.

sudah jadi MANDOR, bentar lagi PELAPOR

April 10th, 2019.
1030 hrs
mandor : orang yang paling berkuasa di IGD, di VK, di OK.
dan inilah mandor2 tersayang semester ini

T2A, 5 semester lagi


after all the burdens, hardships, struggles, devastation
emphasizing to self and others the point of not giving up
try to push other's back so we can still living with only "these" that we have.
i only have these guys


my favorites

when to afraid to ask, when to afraid to yell, this is the only place to hang on
one's husband one's wife may not be fully understand,
one's boy/girlfriend may not throughly experience and we have experienced
 kakak kelas wont give a damn
 ade kelas are too young to realize

 
next year : BALI ! aamiin
"There's only us, there's only this
Forget regret, or life is your's to miss
No other path, no other way

 No day but today"