satu rasa
oct 2, 2018 2020 hrs
apa sih yang buat sekolah ini begitu berat?
kalo gw sih, karena ga ada tempat cerita karena ga ada satupun yang serasa.
we have different roles. yang satu mungkin seorang ibu, yang lain masih perawan/perjaka/ga jelas apa orientasi seksualnya, atau ga jelas kapan nikahnya. yang satu pengen bisa membabat semua pasien SC, yang lain ngerasa ibu2 kesakitan itu tak pantas disakiti. yang satu dpt self esteem dengan menjadi pintar, yang satu cuma pengen lulus, yang lainnya masih denial knp terjerumus ke obgin.
mungkin di luar sana banyak yang punya cerita sama, masalahnya ga pernah jodoh untuk ketemu dan bicara. mungkin di dekat-dekat kita banyak yang mau mendengar, tapi kitanya yang takut cerita, kitanya yang ga ada waktu untuk cerita, berpikir orang lain juga punya masalahnya sendiri.
padahal mungkin, life would be so much easier if we share.
ga akan menjanjikan bahwa kehidupan ini seketika indah sih.. tapi, paling ga jadi tau bahwa ada yang mau dengar, ada yang berkenan menyediakan waktu, tahu bahwa diantara orang2 sibuk yang selalu dalam deadline dan ketakutan, ada yang peduli ternyata.
kita semua hanyut dengan cerita dan masalah masing-masing. lupa bahagia, kalo kata mas marco.
and when somebody is quit, kita berlomba-lomba supporting not to quit, when they are already decided to quit.
ibu ini tangguh, punya banyak cerita di balik keadaan dirinya yang sekarang. i cannot claimed i knew her well, but i have know her enough to wish her well and believe that Allah loves her so much. God indeed gives her all the prayer, i have sent to Allah. my prayer find reasons to quit school.
she quit, but i believe it is so much BETTER for her. if i was closer to her, i would certainly support whatever decision she has made. hamil. above all reason to stay in ppds, this is the best fortune Allah can give to His human. she gets pregnant and quit. kurang indah apalagi. (well, pernah gw berdoa mati syahid ajalah kalo ppds begini bgt jalan cerita hidupnya -_-")
dia keterima ppds. dia hamil. di keluar. SEMUA jenis acknowledgement she have achieved. all the dream i have wanted is in her story.
siapa sih ppds yang ga mau keluar? siapa ppds yang berharap Tuhan memilihkan jalan buat dia, so they could be happier? siapa yang ga muak menjalani hari-hari seperti layaknya hari-hari ppds.. ogbin lagi.. terus siapa aja yang Allah selamatkan dari ini semua? Dia. Sehingga dia bisa berperan layaknya ibu, layaknya istri, layaknya teman, layaknya manusia normal..
i wished her well, apapun pilihannya. if she returns, she would be missed very much, if she decide to quit, she would done other roles better than when she is in the school,
paling tidak, kita pernah satu rasa.
apa sih yang buat sekolah ini begitu berat?
kalo gw sih, karena ga ada tempat cerita karena ga ada satupun yang serasa.
we have different roles. yang satu mungkin seorang ibu, yang lain masih perawan/perjaka/ga jelas apa orientasi seksualnya, atau ga jelas kapan nikahnya. yang satu pengen bisa membabat semua pasien SC, yang lain ngerasa ibu2 kesakitan itu tak pantas disakiti. yang satu dpt self esteem dengan menjadi pintar, yang satu cuma pengen lulus, yang lainnya masih denial knp terjerumus ke obgin.
mungkin di luar sana banyak yang punya cerita sama, masalahnya ga pernah jodoh untuk ketemu dan bicara. mungkin di dekat-dekat kita banyak yang mau mendengar, tapi kitanya yang takut cerita, kitanya yang ga ada waktu untuk cerita, berpikir orang lain juga punya masalahnya sendiri.
padahal mungkin, life would be so much easier if we share.
ga akan menjanjikan bahwa kehidupan ini seketika indah sih.. tapi, paling ga jadi tau bahwa ada yang mau dengar, ada yang berkenan menyediakan waktu, tahu bahwa diantara orang2 sibuk yang selalu dalam deadline dan ketakutan, ada yang peduli ternyata.
kita semua hanyut dengan cerita dan masalah masing-masing. lupa bahagia, kalo kata mas marco.
and when somebody is quit, kita berlomba-lomba supporting not to quit, when they are already decided to quit.
ibu ini tangguh, punya banyak cerita di balik keadaan dirinya yang sekarang. i cannot claimed i knew her well, but i have know her enough to wish her well and believe that Allah loves her so much. God indeed gives her all the prayer, i have sent to Allah. my prayer find reasons to quit school.
she quit, but i believe it is so much BETTER for her. if i was closer to her, i would certainly support whatever decision she has made. hamil. above all reason to stay in ppds, this is the best fortune Allah can give to His human. she gets pregnant and quit. kurang indah apalagi. (well, pernah gw berdoa mati syahid ajalah kalo ppds begini bgt jalan cerita hidupnya -_-")
dia keterima ppds. dia hamil. di keluar. SEMUA jenis acknowledgement she have achieved. all the dream i have wanted is in her story.
siapa sih ppds yang ga mau keluar? siapa ppds yang berharap Tuhan memilihkan jalan buat dia, so they could be happier? siapa yang ga muak menjalani hari-hari seperti layaknya hari-hari ppds.. ogbin lagi.. terus siapa aja yang Allah selamatkan dari ini semua? Dia. Sehingga dia bisa berperan layaknya ibu, layaknya istri, layaknya teman, layaknya manusia normal..
i wished her well, apapun pilihannya. if she returns, she would be missed very much, if she decide to quit, she would done other roles better than when she is in the school,
paling tidak, kita pernah satu rasa.
sweet escape
crosspath
5/9/18 0909 hrs
setelah kehidupan PPDS sebegitu kelamnya, SEBEGITU kelamnya, finally i crosspathed with few pearls under heavy mud.
1. asisten perina saya (which remained unnamed)
he reads books. good sophisticated books actually.
easy going. with certain mental illness. LOL. exactly similar to me.
he certainly would be a good friend
2. as usual, kakak chief.
who made my day? kakak chief. this kakak chief is the best support system. he got his back on us, all the time. ALL the time.
i write, i wont forget.
setelah kehidupan PPDS sebegitu kelamnya, SEBEGITU kelamnya, finally i crosspathed with few pearls under heavy mud.
1. asisten perina saya (which remained unnamed)
he reads books. good sophisticated books actually.
easy going. with certain mental illness. LOL. exactly similar to me.
he certainly would be a good friend
2. as usual, kakak chief.
who made my day? kakak chief. this kakak chief is the best support system. he got his back on us, all the time. ALL the time.
i write, i wont forget.
Dirty Tricks and Black Magic
July 22nd 2018 1903 hrs
just finished my 24 hrs shift, which almost certainly prolonged to 30 hrs ++ as always. i dont know how many new patients, but last night was definitely pain. excruciating pain.
we are legal criminals if i may say. yes, i did not even try to defend myself.
i have no idea why am i ended up in such negative surrounding. from tons of choices in my hand, i decided, sadly fully conscious about what i took, to dip myself in this institution, this hospital. i couldve happier outside, i wouldve do things i love, something i can embrace positively. rather than tightening my chest in this tricky sinful area i should have never commited.
there are good people in there, yes indeed, but they are just playing the same tricks, the same rituals, believing God would have been nicer because the condition forces us to do so.
to me, i always have alternative to choose better circumstances, that may be better for my health, better to my relationships and networking, instead of killing my character piece by piece one at a time for over 4 years, and god forbid probably years after school.
and as i posted the last time, who made your day? your chief. who ruined your day? your chief. dear god, please help me so my sons and daughters far alike from people like those who only knows their own perception, have no consideration of others. jadikanlah anak-anak saya pemimpin yang bijaksana.
what ashamed that this well-rooted education in well known institution ended up producing rotten doctors with no hearts. i dont wanna ended up trying to change the world to be a better place, i just want to have peace.
dear bad guys, Allah tidak buta.. so may you rest in peace.
just finished my 24 hrs shift, which almost certainly prolonged to 30 hrs ++ as always. i dont know how many new patients, but last night was definitely pain. excruciating pain.
we are legal criminals if i may say. yes, i did not even try to defend myself.
i have no idea why am i ended up in such negative surrounding. from tons of choices in my hand, i decided, sadly fully conscious about what i took, to dip myself in this institution, this hospital. i couldve happier outside, i wouldve do things i love, something i can embrace positively. rather than tightening my chest in this tricky sinful area i should have never commited.
there are good people in there, yes indeed, but they are just playing the same tricks, the same rituals, believing God would have been nicer because the condition forces us to do so.
to me, i always have alternative to choose better circumstances, that may be better for my health, better to my relationships and networking, instead of killing my character piece by piece one at a time for over 4 years, and god forbid probably years after school.
and as i posted the last time, who made your day? your chief. who ruined your day? your chief. dear god, please help me so my sons and daughters far alike from people like those who only knows their own perception, have no consideration of others. jadikanlah anak-anak saya pemimpin yang bijaksana.
what ashamed that this well-rooted education in well known institution ended up producing rotten doctors with no hearts. i dont wanna ended up trying to change the world to be a better place, i just want to have peace.
dear bad guys, Allah tidak buta.. so may you rest in peace.
Who made your day?
18.48. Jul 18th 18
your chief. period.
they have been there. in my position. sending patients yang lucunya, no one wanted to take care. serba ribet. but then i have my chiefs giving support emotionally and physically. i cannot complain no more..
as Lendl said
"you need to keep finding little sparkles to keep you going"
i like being in outpatient clinic.
i do talking to some who were well educated, some irritatedly and need extra patience.
i discuss my patients with my supervisor, which most of the time, i found myself extremely clueless. i have never read what theyve been saying. i did not make time.
one day i need a turning point. not now please. i wanna enjoy.
your chief. period.
they have been there. in my position. sending patients yang lucunya, no one wanted to take care. serba ribet. but then i have my chiefs giving support emotionally and physically. i cannot complain no more..
as Lendl said
"you need to keep finding little sparkles to keep you going"
i like being in outpatient clinic.
i do talking to some who were well educated, some irritatedly and need extra patience.
i discuss my patients with my supervisor, which most of the time, i found myself extremely clueless. i have never read what theyve been saying. i did not make time.
one day i need a turning point. not now please. i wanna enjoy.
Bentar lagi 1B
June 30 2018 ( on the way home after submitting my 1st self reflection) 11.51 am
Setelah ujian CBD sama dr. Kemal di tempat futsal yg hanya menyisakan satu rasa :
Lupa rasanya berprestasi
If the world know how its like trying to climb a big tree just to see a glimpse of light in a darkest valley. It feels like far from possible. No self esteem. No love to self no love to others no humaniora. Just you and how make things look good from the outside.
Mungkin harus belajar rebuilding my ruined self esteem. Mungkin dg bersyukur. Udah lama jauh dari Allah. Lupa bahwa dulu we were used to be decent.
In days like these with this kinda rude routine, it seems like me losing senses. Sense of seeing sparkles. Instead easily hurt and irritated, more over let the negavity ruins senses of being grateful.
Well.. I need to look around searching for strenght to hang on.
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