semoga Allah meminjamkan rasa aman ini selama sisa hidup kami.
mengais pahala
"jika engkau bersabar, takdir akan terus berjalan dan engkau mendapatkan pahala. sedangkan, jika engkau menggerutu takdirpun akan terus berjalan pula dan engkau tetap harus menjalaninya." Ali bin Abi Thalib.
udah terlalu banyak gerutuan hasil dealing dengan aura negatif di rumah sakit. seandainya umur gw panjang, besok gw juga tetep harus ke rs. dan begitu juga selanjutnya dan selanjutnya. seandainya tomorrow doesnt start or end well, at least gw sudah berusaha mengais pahala. semoga pahala kita melebihi dosa.
semoga dapet surga. aamiin.
udah terlalu banyak gerutuan hasil dealing dengan aura negatif di rumah sakit. seandainya umur gw panjang, besok gw juga tetep harus ke rs. dan begitu juga selanjutnya dan selanjutnya. seandainya tomorrow doesnt start or end well, at least gw sudah berusaha mengais pahala. semoga pahala kita melebihi dosa.
semoga dapet surga. aamiin.
jatuh cinta
fahrani: gw tau kenapa disebut "jatuh cinta," because it hurts.
nikmati aja, nothing lasts forever.
nikmati aja, nothing lasts forever.
reshuffle.
nov 11, 12. 2008 hrs.
lesson #1 for today: dont expect. because in the end, what you get in return will never enough.
lesson #2: remember what mrs. dawson said? "distance always makes hearts grow fonder." lesson #3: every beginning has an end. so, dont worry, thats the way it is.
lesson #4: sometimes, there are things you didnt mean to say is said, things you planned to say still be kept as plan. thats why life is so enigmatic. enjoy.
lesson #5: even though you got the lesson, it is still not that easy to be that positive, that grateful, that good. thats okay to practice, there will be cases to face up, chances to get some skills in being a good empty cup. to filter and seize ONLY the bright side.
i dont wanna be someone who walks away so easily
our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts, we got a lot at stake
i just need to learn what i got, and what im not, and who i am
- i wont give up
lesson #1 for today: dont expect. because in the end, what you get in return will never enough.
lesson #2: remember what mrs. dawson said? "distance always makes hearts grow fonder." lesson #3: every beginning has an end. so, dont worry, thats the way it is.
lesson #4: sometimes, there are things you didnt mean to say is said, things you planned to say still be kept as plan. thats why life is so enigmatic. enjoy.
lesson #5: even though you got the lesson, it is still not that easy to be that positive, that grateful, that good. thats okay to practice, there will be cases to face up, chances to get some skills in being a good empty cup. to filter and seize ONLY the bright side.
i dont wanna be someone who walks away so easily
our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts, we got a lot at stake
i just need to learn what i got, and what im not, and who i am
- i wont give up
menikmati 'sekarang'
nov 5, 2012. 2207
manusia itu sebaik-baiknya makhluk pembelajar. tapi ga semuanya mau belajar.
kalaupun mau, seriously, implementing the theories itu sama susahnya sama establishing the correct theories.
rumah sakit itu gudangnya pelajaran yang menohok hati, yang penuh tamparan2 implisit. dan eksplisit.
yang bisa dibilang, bodoh banget kalo dokter2 itu ga belajar menikmati, menghargai, mensyukuri hidup,
while we're dealing with births and deaths.
since we have a lil chance to live a 100 years, and it is too silly to live over our 15. we only got the chance to live our present.
banyaknya kejadian yang ngebuat gw ngerti bahwa tomorrow may not come, somehow gave me some boosts to take risk of failure. walaupun gw ga tau, in the end, i will either be able to take lesson atau justru terperangkap and i may have no hands to pull.
i may be scared of my own steps, although it is my own decision,
tapi ga ada jalan kembali.
seandainya jatuh, mau ga mau harus berdiri.
though, may God forbid.
whatever we think whats best for us, that might not.
tapi, itu gunanya doa bukan?
manusia itu sebaik-baiknya makhluk pembelajar. tapi ga semuanya mau belajar.
kalaupun mau, seriously, implementing the theories itu sama susahnya sama establishing the correct theories.
rumah sakit itu gudangnya pelajaran yang menohok hati, yang penuh tamparan2 implisit. dan eksplisit.
yang bisa dibilang, bodoh banget kalo dokter2 itu ga belajar menikmati, menghargai, mensyukuri hidup,
while we're dealing with births and deaths.
since we have a lil chance to live a 100 years, and it is too silly to live over our 15. we only got the chance to live our present.
banyaknya kejadian yang ngebuat gw ngerti bahwa tomorrow may not come, somehow gave me some boosts to take risk of failure. walaupun gw ga tau, in the end, i will either be able to take lesson atau justru terperangkap and i may have no hands to pull.
i may be scared of my own steps, although it is my own decision,
tapi ga ada jalan kembali.
seandainya jatuh, mau ga mau harus berdiri.
though, may God forbid.
whatever we think whats best for us, that might not.
tapi, itu gunanya doa bukan?
ALL things in life is TEMPORARY.
if it goes well, enjoy it, that wont last forever
if it goes wrong, dont worry, it cant last long.
i just dont wanna expect. i wanna enjoy.
hospital is just the perfect place to seize the 'right now'
karena mikirin ujian itu stressful, mikirin liburan is such a daydreaming.
myee
kayak hati.
oct 21, 1252 hrs
dari tumblrnya rani. baru sadar bahwa fase2 prominen setiap orang itu hampir sama. yang ngebedain itu how we respond to the stimuli..
...sekarang Jakarta gerimis. cepat sekali berubah. kayak hati. semoga pengertian, mau saling mengalah, saling menghargai, saling menjaga, komunikasi yang baik, dan tentu saja yang paling penting pemahaman agama yang baik menyertai rasa sayang. biar abadi saysngnya, tidak seperti cuaca. -tere liye
dari tumblrnya rani. baru sadar bahwa fase2 prominen setiap orang itu hampir sama. yang ngebedain itu how we respond to the stimuli..
...sekarang Jakarta gerimis. cepat sekali berubah. kayak hati. semoga pengertian, mau saling mengalah, saling menghargai, saling menjaga, komunikasi yang baik, dan tentu saja yang paling penting pemahaman agama yang baik menyertai rasa sayang. biar abadi saysngnya, tidak seperti cuaca. -tere liye
damai
ga semuanya bisa dibahasakan.
seandainya pun bisa, mungkin yg mendekati adalah damai
terima kasih dear my Lord atas pinjaman malam yg damai dan menenangkan.
seandainya pun bisa, mungkin yg mendekati adalah damai
terima kasih dear my Lord atas pinjaman malam yg damai dan menenangkan.
bersamalah kamu dengan orang2 yg benar
ketika gw mulai ga nulis, its either, i have another form of media that i can invest my learning dan mungkin lebih menarik dan fungsional. or, i didnt learn anything at all.
semoga bukan opsi kedua alasannya. seriously, if in fact this was what happen, now im in denial, then.
seandainya pun reasoningnya based on the 1st statement, semoga Allah ngasih petunjuk whats good for me.
wish any changes in me and my surroundings move toward positiveness and can spread angel deeds contagiously.
dear Supreme Being, save me from this weekend.
yaa ayyuhaal ladziina aamanuut taqullaha wa kuunuu ma'ashshaadiqiin.
wahai orang yg beriman, bertakwalah kepada Allah dan bersamalah kamu dengan orang2 yg benar. (9:119)
semoga bukan opsi kedua alasannya. seriously, if in fact this was what happen, now im in denial, then.
seandainya pun reasoningnya based on the 1st statement, semoga Allah ngasih petunjuk whats good for me.
wish any changes in me and my surroundings move toward positiveness and can spread angel deeds contagiously.
dear Supreme Being, save me from this weekend.
yaa ayyuhaal ladziina aamanuut taqullaha wa kuunuu ma'ashshaadiqiin.
wahai orang yg beriman, bertakwalah kepada Allah dan bersamalah kamu dengan orang2 yg benar. (9:119)
check or wreck
sept 18. 2100
ada 3 macam keadaan hati. hati yg lembut, hati yang sakit, dan hati yang mati.
hati yg lembut adalahyg selalu inget Si Pencipta, yang ngasi sinyal when we're just about to do a sin, either its a anxiety, ketidaktenangan, ga enak aja rasanya. hati yg lain ga usah dibahas, krn tujuan gw sih hati yang ini. keadaan lain selain definisi hati yg lembut ya ga sehat.
nah, sekarang pr gw adalah if i am being hesitant, i need check myself before i wreck myself. bener ga sih yg gw lakukan ini?
gw baru baca hadis, a women marry foreither one of 4 things, her wealth, her family status, her beauty, or her religion. and for a man, he needs to marry the religious one, or he will be a loser. *itu dari hadis shahih bukhari. termasuk kata loser nya yah. gw ga buat2 sendiri.
because evil omen for men are in their house, women, and horse. bahasa kitanya, harta tahta wanita. yes, women can drive any good men to do evil deeds.
at least now, im trying to use my intellegence and knowledge of my own religion to drive myself good. the problem is: ini gw udah berani jujur and has no reluctance/being hesitant ama diri gw to decide for what i 'thought' is right, ato i will fight for what i 'feel' is right? because seriously, i have trouble mixing logic and feeling.
what kind of man i wanna marry? for what purpose i marry a man? terlebih lagi, what kind of woman i am? do i have the right to have these requirements which i am not qualified myself? who i am having criteria which doesnt even met my ownself. life can be a mess.
gw males mikirin kaya beginian. because in the end toh life is all surprises. but today it all came to me.
so girls, ladies, what kind of category you will put yourself in?
ada 3 macam keadaan hati. hati yg lembut, hati yang sakit, dan hati yang mati.
hati yg lembut adalahyg selalu inget Si Pencipta, yang ngasi sinyal when we're just about to do a sin, either its a anxiety, ketidaktenangan, ga enak aja rasanya. hati yg lain ga usah dibahas, krn tujuan gw sih hati yang ini. keadaan lain selain definisi hati yg lembut ya ga sehat.
nah, sekarang pr gw adalah if i am being hesitant, i need check myself before i wreck myself. bener ga sih yg gw lakukan ini?
gw baru baca hadis, a women marry foreither one of 4 things, her wealth, her family status, her beauty, or her religion. and for a man, he needs to marry the religious one, or he will be a loser. *itu dari hadis shahih bukhari. termasuk kata loser nya yah. gw ga buat2 sendiri.
because evil omen for men are in their house, women, and horse. bahasa kitanya, harta tahta wanita. yes, women can drive any good men to do evil deeds.
at least now, im trying to use my intellegence and knowledge of my own religion to drive myself good. the problem is: ini gw udah berani jujur and has no reluctance/being hesitant ama diri gw to decide for what i 'thought' is right, ato i will fight for what i 'feel' is right? because seriously, i have trouble mixing logic and feeling.
what kind of man i wanna marry? for what purpose i marry a man? terlebih lagi, what kind of woman i am? do i have the right to have these requirements which i am not qualified myself? who i am having criteria which doesnt even met my ownself. life can be a mess.
gw males mikirin kaya beginian. because in the end toh life is all surprises. but today it all came to me.
so girls, ladies, what kind of category you will put yourself in?
repost: togetherness
jan 2, 2012.
postingan pertama di 2012~ !
new year's eve, and actually the 1st day of january dihabiskan bersama kertas2 dan puti yang lagi nginep di kamar.
dan the story goes by. dadada
and adhika said that the closer we get to somebody, the bigger chances for us less care about the unmatched habits between us, and love them anyway.
if i may add:
the closer we get, the more we pay attention to their little things,
the more easily we get annoyed, but the faster we forgive
the more we understand that silence is none of awkwardness
the more we can guess whats they're going to do next without literally telling us
me love my friends, thank you for cheering my 2011.
selamat menjalani 2012, herdinda and anyone yg baca blog gw :)
postingan pertama di 2012~ !
new year's eve, and actually the 1st day of january dihabiskan bersama kertas2 dan puti yang lagi nginep di kamar.
dan the story goes by. dadada
and adhika said that the closer we get to somebody, the bigger chances for us less care about the unmatched habits between us, and love them anyway.
if i may add:
the closer we get, the more we pay attention to their little things,
the more easily we get annoyed, but the faster we forgive
the more we understand that silence is none of awkwardness
the more we can guess whats they're going to do next without literally telling us
me love my friends, thank you for cheering my 2011.
selamat menjalani 2012, herdinda and anyone yg baca blog gw :)
abortus: ujian prinsip
i like this gray side of a doc life to be discussed.
kasus hari ini : ibu dengan kehamilan 20 minggu, janin anencephal (ga ada tempurung kepalanya, pasti meninggal setelah dilahirkan). me as a doctor will definitely inform the client that their children has an anomaly, s/he wont survive. gw sebagai dokter, bakal men-suggest supaya janin tsb diaborsi aja (toh, theres no hope), atau membiarkan ibunya nerusin kehamilan sampe umur 9 bulan kaya kehamilan normal, dengan outcome yang seperti itu?
kasus kedua: seorang nona, 15 th, datang dengan keluhan telat haid 8 minggu, hasil test pack positive dan minta diaborsi. udah, ga usah panjang2 soalnya. udah jelas hamil diluar nikah. sebagai dokter, kamu mau melakukan apa?
a. melakukan safe abortus provokatus dengan baik dan benar.
b. menolak melakukan aborsi, dengan kenyataan anak ini pasti akan mencari orang lain yg bisa melakukan aborsi, walaupun orang tsb adalah paraji. berarti ada resiko unsafe abortion.
c. menolak melakukan aborsi dan merekomendasikan tempat lain yg underlegal institution (though its off the record) yang bisa melakukan aborsi.
---------------------------------------------------------
untuk kasus 1, gw pilih untuk sedikit mengarahkan si ibu untuk melakukan abortus.
#argument 1. mother future condition.
its a total assumption. banyak penyakit penyerta yang muncul pada trimester tengah dan akhir. diassess kesehatan ibunya, ada ga risk factor munculnya penyakit penyerta di ibu ini. kalo ada, ya di aborsi aja. indikasi ibu jauh lebih penting dan they always can try, asal ibunya sehat
#argument 2. fetus wealth.
zero.
#argument 3. sebelum terlanjur cinta, sebelum pengorbanan terlalu besar.
(ketauan udah males mengelaborasi, haha)
------------------------------------------------------------
untuk kasus 2,
gw akan menolak aborsi despite of any reason given. dan yang gw rekomendasiin adalah, "jgn di paraji ya neng,"
semoga Allah ga pernah ngasik gw ujian untuk think over money for this case. itu keterpurukan.
aduh. kenapa gw ga mood nulis sih akhir2 ini. i had so much in my head.
kasus hari ini : ibu dengan kehamilan 20 minggu, janin anencephal (ga ada tempurung kepalanya, pasti meninggal setelah dilahirkan). me as a doctor will definitely inform the client that their children has an anomaly, s/he wont survive. gw sebagai dokter, bakal men-suggest supaya janin tsb diaborsi aja (toh, theres no hope), atau membiarkan ibunya nerusin kehamilan sampe umur 9 bulan kaya kehamilan normal, dengan outcome yang seperti itu?
kasus kedua: seorang nona, 15 th, datang dengan keluhan telat haid 8 minggu, hasil test pack positive dan minta diaborsi. udah, ga usah panjang2 soalnya. udah jelas hamil diluar nikah. sebagai dokter, kamu mau melakukan apa?
a. melakukan safe abortus provokatus dengan baik dan benar.
b. menolak melakukan aborsi, dengan kenyataan anak ini pasti akan mencari orang lain yg bisa melakukan aborsi, walaupun orang tsb adalah paraji. berarti ada resiko unsafe abortion.
c. menolak melakukan aborsi dan merekomendasikan tempat lain yg underlegal institution (though its off the record) yang bisa melakukan aborsi.
---------------------------------------------------------
untuk kasus 1, gw pilih untuk sedikit mengarahkan si ibu untuk melakukan abortus.
#argument 1. mother future condition.
its a total assumption. banyak penyakit penyerta yang muncul pada trimester tengah dan akhir. diassess kesehatan ibunya, ada ga risk factor munculnya penyakit penyerta di ibu ini. kalo ada, ya di aborsi aja. indikasi ibu jauh lebih penting dan they always can try, asal ibunya sehat
#argument 2. fetus wealth.
zero.
#argument 3. sebelum terlanjur cinta, sebelum pengorbanan terlalu besar.
(ketauan udah males mengelaborasi, haha)
------------------------------------------------------------
untuk kasus 2,
gw akan menolak aborsi despite of any reason given. dan yang gw rekomendasiin adalah, "jgn di paraji ya neng,"
semoga Allah ga pernah ngasik gw ujian untuk think over money for this case. itu keterpurukan.
aduh. kenapa gw ga mood nulis sih akhir2 ini. i had so much in my head.
cerita kemarin malam
it’s impossible for us to find a perfect spouse if we model him/her toward someone, atau toward our own sets of criteria.
Because to me, he just works. He and I work, despite our flaws and fights and all that. Sure we’re making adjustments with each other as we go supaya bisa jalan hubungannya, tapi ada beberapa things yang left unchanged dan memang harus di-accept aja.
“You should love someone in spite of, not because of.”
- from twivortiare, which was a #ceritakemarinmalam
Because to me, he just works. He and I work, despite our flaws and fights and all that. Sure we’re making adjustments with each other as we go supaya bisa jalan hubungannya, tapi ada beberapa things yang left unchanged dan memang harus di-accept aja.
“You should love someone in spite of, not because of.”
- from twivortiare, which was a #ceritakemarinmalam
permutation
august 26. 12.40.
besok gw ujian jam 8. dan i cant keep my head straight to williams, karena isinya tulisan semua. beberapa gambar, tapi those dont interest me. gw pengen nulis blog. UDAH lama BANGET. man, what kinda life without blogging. again, kalo gw amnesia, sekian minggu kebelakang would be a total lost. hope i remember all the past, take lessons, and move on.
from my favorite dictionary, permutation: n. each of several possible arrangements of a number of things.
recently life has been showing me some possible arrangements. putting every plan into a gamble. selalu harus ada yang dikorbankan. although reluctantly.
gw suka bgt frase "possible arrangement": pengaturan yang mungkin bisa exist.
we do this everyday in our daily routine:
kalo gw bangun jam segini, gw bisa thumbprinting jam segini, abis itu gw beli sarapan, masuk jam sekian, setelah itu gw bisa curi2 tidur stgh jam lets say, and dadadada
atau, gw bisa thumbprint sekarang, terus gw pulang ke kosan, balik jam 7, ga usah mandilah, semua org juga tau gw abis jaga (misalnya, haha), beli sarapan nanti nitip si ini, abis morning report gw bisa ngeberesin tugas lalalala
atau rencana yg ini, ina, itu.
but then. sesuai rencanakah? kalo di rumah sakit dan kehidupan gw sebagai koas, jawabannya engga. beda mungkin kalo gw kerja di kantoran, di perusahaan surat kabar, ato mungkin di shipping line maenan kargo, mungkin all my plan HAS to be EXACTLY like i wrote down. tapi ini engggaaa *dengan nada pasrah.
dan semakin gw nyelem ke dalem mikirin segala kemungkinan yang ada, semakin blur gambaran target yang gw rencanakan. makin sarat gamble. termasuk apa? termasuk planning the future.
bahasan baru, and why future do seem get closer and unkind?
like world wont give hungry hearts something to eat, like time will run too fast for me watching my kids grow, and everything will change in a wink, on snaps.
ini sebenernya fase apaan sih. kok kayanya semacam overwhelm gitu.
ngeliat tweetnya teh mooi, "dont worry, you will know what to do when the time comes."
ini beda bgt ama mani,"when i see the bridge, i need to already understood what im going to do when i make across the bridge."
dua-duanya sounds true and ideal. yet, both doesnt fit me. myee.
next topic.
a lot going on within in the past few weeks. which i will not frontally share. cukup doakan yang terbaik. since life is a gamble. only heaven knows.
i remember that i once said that God doesnt give answer, yet He gives choices. and now, right now, i hope God command me what to do, instead of me getting myself lost within choices. kata kang dani, jaga hati, buka pikiran.
this will over, dind.
besok gw ujian jam 8. dan i cant keep my head straight to williams, karena isinya tulisan semua. beberapa gambar, tapi those dont interest me. gw pengen nulis blog. UDAH lama BANGET. man, what kinda life without blogging. again, kalo gw amnesia, sekian minggu kebelakang would be a total lost. hope i remember all the past, take lessons, and move on.
from my favorite dictionary, permutation: n. each of several possible arrangements of a number of things.
recently life has been showing me some possible arrangements. putting every plan into a gamble. selalu harus ada yang dikorbankan. although reluctantly.
gw suka bgt frase "possible arrangement": pengaturan yang mungkin bisa exist.
we do this everyday in our daily routine:
kalo gw bangun jam segini, gw bisa thumbprinting jam segini, abis itu gw beli sarapan, masuk jam sekian, setelah itu gw bisa curi2 tidur stgh jam lets say, and dadadada
atau, gw bisa thumbprint sekarang, terus gw pulang ke kosan, balik jam 7, ga usah mandilah, semua org juga tau gw abis jaga (misalnya, haha), beli sarapan nanti nitip si ini, abis morning report gw bisa ngeberesin tugas lalalala
atau rencana yg ini, ina, itu.
but then. sesuai rencanakah? kalo di rumah sakit dan kehidupan gw sebagai koas, jawabannya engga. beda mungkin kalo gw kerja di kantoran, di perusahaan surat kabar, ato mungkin di shipping line maenan kargo, mungkin all my plan HAS to be EXACTLY like i wrote down. tapi ini engggaaa *dengan nada pasrah.
dan semakin gw nyelem ke dalem mikirin segala kemungkinan yang ada, semakin blur gambaran target yang gw rencanakan. makin sarat gamble. termasuk apa? termasuk planning the future.
bahasan baru, and why future do seem get closer and unkind?
like world wont give hungry hearts something to eat, like time will run too fast for me watching my kids grow, and everything will change in a wink, on snaps.
ini sebenernya fase apaan sih. kok kayanya semacam overwhelm gitu.
ngeliat tweetnya teh mooi, "dont worry, you will know what to do when the time comes."
ini beda bgt ama mani,"when i see the bridge, i need to already understood what im going to do when i make across the bridge."
dua-duanya sounds true and ideal. yet, both doesnt fit me. myee.
next topic.
a lot going on within in the past few weeks. which i will not frontally share. cukup doakan yang terbaik. since life is a gamble. only heaven knows.
i remember that i once said that God doesnt give answer, yet He gives choices. and now, right now, i hope God command me what to do, instead of me getting myself lost within choices. kata kang dani, jaga hati, buka pikiran.
this will over, dind.
butuh tujuan.
cinta adalah sesuatu yg ketika runtuh dia menyisakan pelajaran di antara puing-puingnya. - al rumi (kalo ga salah)
break free.
menurut gw, ga salah untuk mengaku bahwa perasaan berubah, niat berubah. makanya harga sebuah istiqamah itu besar karena bukan memulai yang susah, tapi mempertahankan.
thats why its easy to fall in love, but most marriage is an eye-opener and need ways to stand it still. begitu juga....apapun.
mempertahankan semangat belajar. mempertahankan pertemanan dan tujuan dan niat di belakangnya. termasuk ngurusin angkatan. termasuk mempertahankan level of curiosity.
butuh niat butuh tekad.
butuh tujuan.
selama bermanfaat dan diniatin buat ngais ridho Tuhan, mudah2an ga salah dan melenceng.
termasuk the decision to accept inability and quit. hafuh.
break free.
menurut gw, ga salah untuk mengaku bahwa perasaan berubah, niat berubah. makanya harga sebuah istiqamah itu besar karena bukan memulai yang susah, tapi mempertahankan.
thats why its easy to fall in love, but most marriage is an eye-opener and need ways to stand it still. begitu juga....apapun.
mempertahankan semangat belajar. mempertahankan pertemanan dan tujuan dan niat di belakangnya. termasuk ngurusin angkatan. termasuk mempertahankan level of curiosity.
butuh niat butuh tekad.
butuh tujuan.
selama bermanfaat dan diniatin buat ngais ridho Tuhan, mudah2an ga salah dan melenceng.
termasuk the decision to accept inability and quit. hafuh.
we're not living the past
all i see are
the snow,
the same moon we're seeing,
the guitar,
the effort to learn and take lessons in every word we're saying
to understand our own selves
and no one else.
all i see are
the struggle of keeping ourselves from danger
from the unpredictable future
a reality that it was future we were thinking
all i see are
iron and fire
the strength to cover each other mistakes
the incapability in appreciating
though indeed it wasnt exactly like it said
all i see are
the past
a called for whats been missing and wont be replayed.
zaman dulu zaman indah. tapi ia sudah mati. -bung karno
the snow,
the same moon we're seeing,
the guitar,
the effort to learn and take lessons in every word we're saying
to understand our own selves
and no one else.
all i see are
the struggle of keeping ourselves from danger
from the unpredictable future
a reality that it was future we were thinking
all i see are
iron and fire
the strength to cover each other mistakes
the incapability in appreciating
though indeed it wasnt exactly like it said
all i see are
the past
a called for whats been missing and wont be replayed.
zaman dulu zaman indah. tapi ia sudah mati. -bung karno
dipupuk.
tampaknya,
cinta itu sesuatu yang ditumbuhkan, yang dipupuk
bukan sesuatu yang dateng, udah cantik, udah bagus
mungkin udah saatnya gw harus mulai
mempelajari kebaikan satu manusia ciptaan Tuhan
yang sifatnya jadi alasan bertahan dan berkembang
dear you, arrogant.
kalo dipikir2, posting ini rada kurang fisiologis untuk dijadikan postingan blog.
tapi emang bener, mau digimanain juga,
something needs to be taken seriously
and i think i will start now.
this posting, probably is more like a celebration for, finally, the guts.
"do you feel tired?"
she told me, "all the time. i always think i need to take a break. take a break from myself."
"what do you wanna do?"
"something fun i guess. yet, i dont know whats fun for me."
neither do i.
i started the conversation, then i amazed. she told me she never spoke to anyone.
again,
i was listening to her and it felt like i was reading my own blog.
it was her though, who feels tired.
it was her though, who feels tired.
altruistic
gw somehow mendapatkan suatu 'kebahagiaan' ketika i sacrifice my own necessities for the sake of others.
bukan 'kebahagiaan' dalam tanda kutip yang artinya aneh2, maksud gw ya kebahagiaan. suatu kepuasan tersendiri. walaupun kadang gw merasa bodoh. hehe.
banyak contohnya, cuma kalo dijejer, kesan ga ikhlasnya makin keliatan. ga tau kenapa, i just like it to be pemain belakang layar. gw menganggap diri gw penting somehow, bermanfaat somehow, tapi ga akan pernah bisa diacknowledge. but truly sih, acknowledgement itu perlu. at least, buat di cv.
ga mungkin gw di cv nulis, "ngerjain abstrak si a, padahal gw lebih baik tidur, karena flu berat dan rekap ijazah anak2 yang masih harus dikerjain." atau "lari ke luar gedung fk buat nyariin korek api, supaya lilin kue ultah si b bisa nyala, padahal bukan ide gw juga, bukan gw juga yang ngebawain kue." atau "ikut survei ina itu padahal tugas gw sendiri belum beres tea." atau ini yang paling bodoh,"nyemplung ke got basah cuma karena pgn nyelametin anak kucing yang akhirnya juga malah berenang menjauhi gw dan gw diketawain tukang ojek." dapet acknowledgement kah gw? mungkin dari Allah aja. itupun kalo dianggep ikhlas. -_-"
dan beberapa hal lain. yang sumpah, in the end, emang biasa aja. cuma sekedar jiwa pembantu gw yang terlalu dominan dan ga signifikan.
gw cuma berpikir, seandainya gw di posisi itu, gw maunya diperlakukan seperti apa sih? main perasaan terlalu gede. ga pake logika, walopun kadang gw bisa ngedenger sisi lain di pikiran gw emang mengiyakan kalo yes dind, elo emg suka aja direpotin, dibikin cape ama sesuatu yang sebenernya bisa dikerjain siapapun yang ga signifikan. damn, ga signifikan.
sampe nyokap gw bilang, its okay to hurt people a bit, as long as you save yourself. dan yes, beberapa hal yang gw lakuin justru membahayakan atau merugikan diri sendiri. ini sakit jiwa sih, kalo gw udah tau kalo gw salah tapi gw ga berubah. *dan so far sih ga berubah.
kata affabile, good deeds return. kata nyokap gw? kata diri gw sendiri? May Allah knows. :(
bukan 'kebahagiaan' dalam tanda kutip yang artinya aneh2, maksud gw ya kebahagiaan. suatu kepuasan tersendiri. walaupun kadang gw merasa bodoh. hehe.
banyak contohnya, cuma kalo dijejer, kesan ga ikhlasnya makin keliatan. ga tau kenapa, i just like it to be pemain belakang layar. gw menganggap diri gw penting somehow, bermanfaat somehow, tapi ga akan pernah bisa diacknowledge. but truly sih, acknowledgement itu perlu. at least, buat di cv.
ga mungkin gw di cv nulis, "ngerjain abstrak si a, padahal gw lebih baik tidur, karena flu berat dan rekap ijazah anak2 yang masih harus dikerjain." atau "lari ke luar gedung fk buat nyariin korek api, supaya lilin kue ultah si b bisa nyala, padahal bukan ide gw juga, bukan gw juga yang ngebawain kue." atau "ikut survei ina itu padahal tugas gw sendiri belum beres tea." atau ini yang paling bodoh,"nyemplung ke got basah cuma karena pgn nyelametin anak kucing yang akhirnya juga malah berenang menjauhi gw dan gw diketawain tukang ojek." dapet acknowledgement kah gw? mungkin dari Allah aja. itupun kalo dianggep ikhlas. -_-"
dan beberapa hal lain. yang sumpah, in the end, emang biasa aja. cuma sekedar jiwa pembantu gw yang terlalu dominan dan ga signifikan.
gw cuma berpikir, seandainya gw di posisi itu, gw maunya diperlakukan seperti apa sih? main perasaan terlalu gede. ga pake logika, walopun kadang gw bisa ngedenger sisi lain di pikiran gw emang mengiyakan kalo yes dind, elo emg suka aja direpotin, dibikin cape ama sesuatu yang sebenernya bisa dikerjain siapapun yang ga signifikan. damn, ga signifikan.
sampe nyokap gw bilang, its okay to hurt people a bit, as long as you save yourself. dan yes, beberapa hal yang gw lakuin justru membahayakan atau merugikan diri sendiri. ini sakit jiwa sih, kalo gw udah tau kalo gw salah tapi gw ga berubah. *dan so far sih ga berubah.
kata affabile, good deeds return. kata nyokap gw? kata diri gw sendiri? May Allah knows. :(
'' igor pria tangguh. seumur hidupnya ia berjuang mati-matian untuk sampai ke posisi sekarang. ia telah bersabar saat menghadiri acara makan malam yang membosankan serta berbagai seminar dan rapat bersama orang-orang yang ia benci. ia telah mempersembahkan senyum saat sebenarnya ingin menghina dan melontarkan hinaan meski sebenarnya kasihan pada orang-orang malang yang dikucilkan sebagai hukuman dan contoh bagi orang lain.''
-kata dia, inilah tangguh. kata dia.
the missing link
cinta itu sesuatu yang tumbuh hilang.
makany harus punya satu visi bareng.
- kata aya. persis
makany harus punya satu visi bareng.
- kata aya. persis
tertawa dan menangis, menangis dan tertawa
20.26
dear darkness and mother of envy and jealousy,
thank you for giving me such a precious attention. You were succesfully making me feel profoundly pathetic. I was drowning in great radiation of blur and inconsistency. the worst, make me feel 'incapable.'
dear evil of hatred,
i thank you. the dusts of fear, hate, and anger you have sent me, those spotted this heart. i have been trying to formulate my own world full of stories of romeos and juliets. the manipulations you create, i envy you. i admit, neither one romeo nor a juliet exist in this earth. but, i have not seen a piece of heaven. heaven knows whats in it.
dear Boss of the angels,
thank You for introducing me to the darkness, to the mother of envy, and jealosy, to the evil who hates. thank You for handing me the spectacles. the specs to see those hells as warnings. to act none like the way the darkness behaves. to appreciate life and live vigorously without envy and jealousy. and to ignore hatred.
dear Boss of the universe,
thank You for telling me that my life isnt long. that fact commands me to stop fighting and to stop running away from those bad things You have introduced me. that fact commands me to live with them without being alike.
dear problems,
i am sorry i ignore you. you can follow every little move i made. you can pretend to be anything in order to me giving you an eye. i am sorry, you just dont deserve to be a friend of mine. yet, you can live with me. let us see who's stronger.
Dear Allah,
i know, You wont leave me. therefore, I will live your happy-ending mistery. You are the Director.
----in times ketika gw merasa dokter2 CRP mengeluarkan soal2 yang belum pernah diajarin. disaat ngerasa sebanyak 3 semester gw dizalimi oleh soal2 CRP. semoga jawaban C yang berbaris membawa hasil yang ....... ga taulah. semoga ujian ini cuma intermezzo yang akan fade away. dan ketemu hal yang beautifully unusual.
dear darkness and mother of envy and jealousy,
thank you for giving me such a precious attention. You were succesfully making me feel profoundly pathetic. I was drowning in great radiation of blur and inconsistency. the worst, make me feel 'incapable.'
dear evil of hatred,
i thank you. the dusts of fear, hate, and anger you have sent me, those spotted this heart. i have been trying to formulate my own world full of stories of romeos and juliets. the manipulations you create, i envy you. i admit, neither one romeo nor a juliet exist in this earth. but, i have not seen a piece of heaven. heaven knows whats in it.
dear Boss of the angels,
thank You for introducing me to the darkness, to the mother of envy, and jealosy, to the evil who hates. thank You for handing me the spectacles. the specs to see those hells as warnings. to act none like the way the darkness behaves. to appreciate life and live vigorously without envy and jealousy. and to ignore hatred.
dear Boss of the universe,
thank You for telling me that my life isnt long. that fact commands me to stop fighting and to stop running away from those bad things You have introduced me. that fact commands me to live with them without being alike.
dear problems,
i am sorry i ignore you. you can follow every little move i made. you can pretend to be anything in order to me giving you an eye. i am sorry, you just dont deserve to be a friend of mine. yet, you can live with me. let us see who's stronger.
Dear Allah,
i know, You wont leave me. therefore, I will live your happy-ending mistery. You are the Director.
----in times ketika gw merasa dokter2 CRP mengeluarkan soal2 yang belum pernah diajarin. disaat ngerasa sebanyak 3 semester gw dizalimi oleh soal2 CRP. semoga jawaban C yang berbaris membawa hasil yang ....... ga taulah. semoga ujian ini cuma intermezzo yang akan fade away. dan ketemu hal yang beautifully unusual.
God doesnt give answers.
14 nov 09. 20.25
He gives choices. in the end, those choices will be the available lifepaths we can take. whether it'd be the best, it depends on how we perceived the decision we have made.
i have this 'idiom' from my friend's learning issue, referred to her psychiatry book. the research stated the idiom 'useless assumption' as getting freaked out by things that MIGHThappened. just a 'might'..
sama kaya dlu gw ga mau balik ke kampung halaman cuma karena takut remed fisika, pdhl belum tentu jg gw remed.. karena gw takut culture shock, pdhl blm tentu gw sebodoh itu in making friends.
sama kaya just now gw resign dr hnmun, pdhl belum tentu gw ga bisa bagi waktu u/ belajar. belum tentu gw ga naik tingkat gara2 2 minggu off dr perkuliahan..
useless assumption.
apa gw menyesal skrg? enggak. at least i know now, that this kinda things should not happen again. semua tergantung niat, kalo emang niat ini suci, then anything in this earth, as God permits, will help us to get adjusted.
sekarang,gw udh memilih jodoh gw adalah menyelesaikan thn ke2 gw as i fantasized it, as i planned it. there other things (in the return) that i have to finish.
semoga segala jenis perubahan di depan mata gw; entah itu idealisme temen2 gw (since gw tiba2 berada di tengah perpolitikan fakultas), perubahan gaya bersikap dan bertindak pemimpin2 gw, prubahan prioritas yang labil, sikap dari hati atau sekedar formalitas yang keluar dr diri gw; adalah pilihan dari Allah which i percieved those as mengarah kepada kelebihbaikan.. bukan sebaliknya. amin
He gives choices. in the end, those choices will be the available lifepaths we can take. whether it'd be the best, it depends on how we perceived the decision we have made.
i have this 'idiom' from my friend's learning issue, referred to her psychiatry book. the research stated the idiom 'useless assumption' as getting freaked out by things that MIGHThappened. just a 'might'..
sama kaya dlu gw ga mau balik ke kampung halaman cuma karena takut remed fisika, pdhl belum tentu jg gw remed.. karena gw takut culture shock, pdhl blm tentu gw sebodoh itu in making friends.
sama kaya just now gw resign dr hnmun, pdhl belum tentu gw ga bisa bagi waktu u/ belajar. belum tentu gw ga naik tingkat gara2 2 minggu off dr perkuliahan..
useless assumption.
apa gw menyesal skrg? enggak. at least i know now, that this kinda things should not happen again. semua tergantung niat, kalo emang niat ini suci, then anything in this earth, as God permits, will help us to get adjusted.
sekarang,gw udh memilih jodoh gw adalah menyelesaikan thn ke2 gw as i fantasized it, as i planned it. there other things (in the return) that i have to finish.
semoga segala jenis perubahan di depan mata gw; entah itu idealisme temen2 gw (since gw tiba2 berada di tengah perpolitikan fakultas), perubahan gaya bersikap dan bertindak pemimpin2 gw, prubahan prioritas yang labil, sikap dari hati atau sekedar formalitas yang keluar dr diri gw; adalah pilihan dari Allah which i percieved those as mengarah kepada kelebihbaikan.. bukan sebaliknya. amin
same frequency
her name is hye yoon chung. she is 'unreplacable'-i dont care if it is a word, she is UN-REPLACE-ABLE.
i've been acquainted with people, i've been knowing friends, i've been caring, loving best friends.
yet, i've never found somebody in the same frequency (as in radio wave frequency) as i am. but her.
she is (until now) the best mate. we are planning to visit bali for our honeymoon (she and i, and our husbands)-if God permits.
his name is muhammad mishbah. a total loyal, full of understanding best friend.
lots of advices he's been given for the sake of MY sake.
yes, we go way back. he always in my calling distance. good deed doer.
love telling his new rebellious movement on his campus (even though he knows i hate to hear his stories)-like being a tablet of vicodin while im being pain in the as*.
her name is lokitania kirana.. i thought she just another ordinary girlfriends i usually hanged out with. i totally love her when i realized that she was the one who i hugged- i cried on my 17th bday, and shes always there. we were walking from school to my home and fiddling around together.
i have a pair of earrings. i keep one for me, and she has the other one.
her name is lulu muna saadah. we go waaaayyy back in elementary school. never heard a lot from her again, yet she is still hanging on my mind. we are old best friends without meeting our eyes.
his name is danar lukman akbar. like have been having three phases of life. senior year in high school, 1st year in dormitory, 2 yrs of college life. all those three are highly test for adaptation capability.
i have many things in common, this may be why, it wasnt hard to get to know him at first, and it's been fun to have him around now.
he is my younger-brother-like-friend. thats something.
i wrote this, to appreciate, to recall vividly persons who takes me the way i am. they ease me. thank them for everything they've been given.
in future, perhaps more name will be written down, yet definitely, these names wont fade.
11/2 '09. in the middle of recalling and thanking God for letting me having this kinda folks.
i've been acquainted with people, i've been knowing friends, i've been caring, loving best friends.
yet, i've never found somebody in the same frequency (as in radio wave frequency) as i am. but her.
she is (until now) the best mate. we are planning to visit bali for our honeymoon (she and i, and our husbands)-if God permits.
his name is muhammad mishbah. a total loyal, full of understanding best friend.
lots of advices he's been given for the sake of MY sake.
yes, we go way back. he always in my calling distance. good deed doer.
love telling his new rebellious movement on his campus (even though he knows i hate to hear his stories)-like being a tablet of vicodin while im being pain in the as*.
her name is lokitania kirana.. i thought she just another ordinary girlfriends i usually hanged out with. i totally love her when i realized that she was the one who i hugged- i cried on my 17th bday, and shes always there. we were walking from school to my home and fiddling around together.
i have a pair of earrings. i keep one for me, and she has the other one.
her name is lulu muna saadah. we go waaaayyy back in elementary school. never heard a lot from her again, yet she is still hanging on my mind. we are old best friends without meeting our eyes.
his name is danar lukman akbar. like have been having three phases of life. senior year in high school, 1st year in dormitory, 2 yrs of college life. all those three are highly test for adaptation capability.
i have many things in common, this may be why, it wasnt hard to get to know him at first, and it's been fun to have him around now.
he is my younger-brother-like-friend. thats something.
i wrote this, to appreciate, to recall vividly persons who takes me the way i am. they ease me. thank them for everything they've been given.
in future, perhaps more name will be written down, yet definitely, these names wont fade.
11/2 '09. in the middle of recalling and thanking God for letting me having this kinda folks.
bff-ffb
31 oktober 2009
as simple as putting its abbreviation backwards..
if things we've got are things we shared, may they be understood what kind of intentions they've been giving and fruits they will earn.
la vie for those who shares true care. may those are including me and them, yang gw pikir udah ngasi true care to their friends. semoga mereka benar2 seperti apa yang gw pikir.
missing american life,high school's old pals,kel.c5-rps, mam pap.
as simple as putting its abbreviation backwards..
if things we've got are things we shared, may they be understood what kind of intentions they've been giving and fruits they will earn.
la vie for those who shares true care. may those are including me and them, yang gw pikir udah ngasi true care to their friends. semoga mereka benar2 seperti apa yang gw pikir.
missing american life,high school's old pals,kel.c5-rps, mam pap.
incapable of
i'm incapable of being nice
i'm incapable of tolerating
of hiding feelings
of being profound
do i even try?
i live shallow because deep tortures.
i live altruistically, i thought i made myself happy. i do not.
its nice to have no one to keep.
then, i dont even have to try to be able.
i let go. thou reluctantly, but i let go
im exhausted. im tired of belongings and the responsibilities to keep it.
or the feeling of trying to be responsible.
take me. or leave me.
thank God for letting me had the sense of humanity and human-being's sanity for once.
i'm incapable of tolerating
of hiding feelings
of being profound
do i even try?
i live shallow because deep tortures.
i live altruistically, i thought i made myself happy. i do not.
its nice to have no one to keep.
then, i dont even have to try to be able.
i let go. thou reluctantly, but i let go
im exhausted. im tired of belongings and the responsibilities to keep it.
or the feeling of trying to be responsible.
take me. or leave me.
thank God for letting me had the sense of humanity and human-being's sanity for once.
by www.vanityfair.com
i like her picture here.
casually elegant.
its the queen of great britain,
in case you dont recognize.
pinknya itu calms her (biasanya dia bermuka tenang tapi keras gitu, tapi posenya disini, denies it).
apalagi skirtnya yang rapel gitu, seakan ada backyard gede di belakang dia, terus berdiri 3 scottish bagpiper deh. just so england *and so candy-candy.
but the shoes thou, somehow firms her.
sebenernya yang bikin dia selalu elegant itu adalah kalung mutiara yang always 3 jejer itu.
dan gw ga pernah tau kalo the queen boleh nyemplakin kaki kaya gitu. haha
her hat and the rayban, thats just fun.
with this outfit, karakter high-class profile nya keliatan, humble dan funnya juga keliatan.
i like her here.
pinknya itu calms her (biasanya dia bermuka tenang tapi keras gitu, tapi posenya disini, denies it).
apalagi skirtnya yang rapel gitu, seakan ada backyard gede di belakang dia, terus berdiri 3 scottish bagpiper deh. just so england *and so candy-candy.
but the shoes thou, somehow firms her.
sebenernya yang bikin dia selalu elegant itu adalah kalung mutiara yang always 3 jejer itu.
dan gw ga pernah tau kalo the queen boleh nyemplakin kaki kaya gitu. haha
her hat and the rayban, thats just fun.
with this outfit, karakter high-class profile nya keliatan, humble dan funnya juga keliatan.
i like her here.
at james gwee's seminar, he stated that everybody, i repeat, everybody, in this world HAVE their god-given talent. God is not like a supreme being who'll forget. EVERYONE has it. the talent is either, later on, develop or ignored.
to know, what is really your talent, is that you are happy to do it, you will enjoy, and dadada. once you dont like or feel bored about it, then it wasnt your talent.
talents are: enjoy, earn, and the other word starts from e. i cant recall.
so, it kinda different with hobby, i think. though, i dont know how to differentiate. talent sound more serious and long last. i cant put reading and writing as my hobbies all the time. or playing piano, or giving speech, or listening to everyones craps. its like later on i said to myself that, start anything, right now, just see how it goes.
then i start knitting,
then i start dancing,
then i start sleeping.
nothing keeps me awake. well, knit used to be what wakes me up. not anymore thou. what is it really my talent, or hobby, or whatever the vocab you use for describing: a thing that keeps you sane between weekends? *since sekarang weekend gw juga dipake buat ke puskesmas, then let me rephrase, that keeps me sane between sundays?
so, i eat. i feel like a snob right now, i spend a lot budget in eating. because good food boost the mood. its funny though, when i started to working out, i gained weight. but now, i eat a lot, but i maintain my weight, actually, my ideal weight *ehem (its my height minus 100). im serious, but its just it doesnt change to muscle yet.
but hey, that what makes me happy.
it feels like, i can be a stranger anytime i eat in a strange place, dealing with menu in some strange languages, also, the foods, they usually come in strange taste also. like in the movie 'the vow', its like chocolate in russian roulette, you dont know what you pick. you tongue may like it, or may not. its like a total experience. thats how you be grateful of what you eat.
oh i miss airports. i need observing strangers. nuts.
to know, what is really your talent, is that you are happy to do it, you will enjoy, and dadada. once you dont like or feel bored about it, then it wasnt your talent.
talents are: enjoy, earn, and the other word starts from e. i cant recall.
so, it kinda different with hobby, i think. though, i dont know how to differentiate. talent sound more serious and long last. i cant put reading and writing as my hobbies all the time. or playing piano, or giving speech, or listening to everyones craps. its like later on i said to myself that, start anything, right now, just see how it goes.
then i start knitting,
then i start dancing,
then i start sleeping.
nothing keeps me awake. well, knit used to be what wakes me up. not anymore thou. what is it really my talent, or hobby, or whatever the vocab you use for describing: a thing that keeps you sane between weekends? *since sekarang weekend gw juga dipake buat ke puskesmas, then let me rephrase, that keeps me sane between sundays?
so, i eat. i feel like a snob right now, i spend a lot budget in eating. because good food boost the mood. its funny though, when i started to working out, i gained weight. but now, i eat a lot, but i maintain my weight, actually, my ideal weight *ehem (its my height minus 100). im serious, but its just it doesnt change to muscle yet.
but hey, that what makes me happy.
it feels like, i can be a stranger anytime i eat in a strange place, dealing with menu in some strange languages, also, the foods, they usually come in strange taste also. like in the movie 'the vow', its like chocolate in russian roulette, you dont know what you pick. you tongue may like it, or may not. its like a total experience. thats how you be grateful of what you eat.
oh i miss airports. i need observing strangers. nuts.
we havent met each other for like 3 years now.
we sat side by side, tried to understand, how can be a lil piece of me is in this person, is in that person.
i asked, "so, how is it your relationship between you and the guy in front of you?"
she said, "nothing." "really? i thought there was something special between you two."
she said, "what is it?"
and i explained to her, what i have been noticing for the last 2 hours.
she said, " i have never seen you for years, and now you are cutting my heart, stereoing what i've been hiding for the last 3 years."
then she added, "sometimes, we need an outsider to reveal whats inside."
we sat side by side, tried to understand, how can be a lil piece of me is in this person, is in that person.
i asked, "so, how is it your relationship between you and the guy in front of you?"
she said, "nothing." "really? i thought there was something special between you two."
she said, "what is it?"
and i explained to her, what i have been noticing for the last 2 hours.
she said, " i have never seen you for years, and now you are cutting my heart, stereoing what i've been hiding for the last 3 years."
then she added, "sometimes, we need an outsider to reveal whats inside."
travel is..
Travel is the simple chance of reinventing ourselves at new places where we are nobody but a stranger.
Travel is the discovery of what and who we miss the most.
Travel is the same pair of jeans for a week and different experiences every day.
Travel is finding new things and new people to miss.
Travel is discovering the part of yourself that you never knew existed before.
Travel is that one song in your iPod that will forever remind you of that one sexy afternoon somewhere.
Travel is the discovery of who misses us the most.
Travel is answering the question ‘business or pleasure’ without blinking.
Travel is deciding who will be the last call before you take off and the first call after you landed.
Travel is a test of your physical and emotional tolerance.
Travel is a one hour conversation that could lead to a lifelong friendship.
Travel is that one boarding pass you keep in your wallet to remind yourself one day when you’re gray and old that you were once cool.
Travel is waking up in a strange bed and feeling home and waking up in your own bed one day and feeling like a stranger.
It’s learning not to take every second for granted.
Travel is learning that the journey is as memorable as the destination.
Travel is discovering that random act of kindness does exist.
Travel is learning to communicate with just a smile.
Travel is not wanting to sleep because for once reality is more interesting than your dream.
Travel is not being afraid to fall in love with a complete stranger.
Travel is where broken English is welcomed with a wide smile instead of greeted by a grammar nazi.
Travel is where people that you talk to really try to understand what you’re trying to say.
Travel is finding out more reasons to write. And more reasons to live.
Travel, sometimes, is the rediscovery of our nationalism.
Travel is that one stranger across the street you will always wonder if he/she is your soul mate.
Travel is wearing those clothes you couldn’t wear back home.
Travel is realizing the things you cannot live without.
Travel is realizing that maybe you know nothing.
Travel is wearing a stranger’s jacket and feeling home.
Travel is meeting you.
-copied from ika natassa.tumblr
"this is not happening to me" and that happened.
i went out to get some aminophylline and ofcourse dinner before taking the drugs. these last few days, i just couldnt sleep because of my asthma attack mostly after 2 am. but last night it came earlier.
i cancelled my dinner with dina and adhika because i dont think i was in the mood to have lil chitchat while having this unimportant additional effort to breath. and there i was, taking my jacket on because the temperature was cold and putting on my socks. i went to the drugstore and actually bought 4 packs of aminophylline (for the sake of laziness to get back there, so i saved some packs), then to a small warteg near there. i need veggie, i said to myself rebutting my favorite nasi uduk depan indomaret sukajadi. then i got veggie (lots of it, well i categorized it as lots because of my diet is usually lack of veggie), ikan teri, tempe.
at my room, i ate that, remembering that i really wanted to take the drugs. the drug will definitely kill my stomach if i didnt it. pretty much squeezing it 4 times a minute, the colic pain much more like kaya orang dapet hari pertama. i ate some teri before i realized that my tongue itched. shit. i didnt finish the teri.
after i finished, i took the drug and tried to get some sleep. the drug usually drugs me off, i can sleep for 6 hours without any chance the alarm wakes me. it puts me to sleep like a dead. but not last night. after i took the drug, i set to sleep, but it was getting harder to get some air. at first, i said to myself, this is just asthma, i just needed to take the second pill.
but nope, i felt the sensation of choke, the chest hurt, and i need to breath via my mouth. hmm..this wasnt felt like asthma. i looked at the mirror. damn, this is not happening to me. i got perioral cyanosis. i needed to tell somebody to take me to the hospital. i put my crazy black abaya, pake jilbab apa adanya, i called danar. he was in bekasi, astri lagi di kamar dina, no way she could reach my room fast enough, i rushed to mani and puni's room.
thanked god they were there. mani looked at me like she was seeing ghost. (later she told me that she can see 'things', so at first she really thought im a ghost, she told me she needed some time to make sure that im a human being, because of my long black abaya). mani supported me to walk down the stair and i told her, i dont think i could make it to the hospital by walk. god damned me, i really could not get any air. so, bapak yang jaga kosan nganterin gw pake motor. it was cold, i chilled all over my body, my lips was numb.
so that was the story last night. i went to igd, siapa sangka yang meriksa gw adalah dicky, setelah sekian lama ga ketemu, it wasnt a nice meeting. the nurse put me on nebu, the doctor asked whether i prefer to dexa injection or per oral. i got allergy to sulfa, last night i discover i allergy to ikan teri (oh no), who knows if i got allergy to injected dexa?
thank god to sending me mani and puni and the bapak (mani called him 'the bapak'). and actually mani discovered that my acral was cold, my capillary refill lasted more than 2 seconds, then the doc measured my bp, it was 100/70.my usual is 110/70. and i got terrible headache, the doc said that was because my brain didnt get much oxygen. it got hypoxic (its funny when the term actually happened for real to me) astri nyusul, n akhirnya dia tidur di kamar gw semalem, sorry ciw. hehe.makasih juga buat dr. arin yang baik bgt smalem when i got so panicked, she calmed it down. butuh banyak banget dokter kaya dia.
that was the first heart-attacking-experience for me. i remembered that my mom got her second severe allergic reaction (the last time, my dad injected her dexa after discovering the perioral cyanosis, thats why i figured i need to go to the hospital, because the color of the peri-lips pale i saw last night) and my brother had that once.
i dont have so much feeling of freedom in choosing what i am going to eat anymore. *will see how long this feeling last, because i just love eating. :) i breathe right now.
i cancelled my dinner with dina and adhika because i dont think i was in the mood to have lil chitchat while having this unimportant additional effort to breath. and there i was, taking my jacket on because the temperature was cold and putting on my socks. i went to the drugstore and actually bought 4 packs of aminophylline (for the sake of laziness to get back there, so i saved some packs), then to a small warteg near there. i need veggie, i said to myself rebutting my favorite nasi uduk depan indomaret sukajadi. then i got veggie (lots of it, well i categorized it as lots because of my diet is usually lack of veggie), ikan teri, tempe.
at my room, i ate that, remembering that i really wanted to take the drugs. the drug will definitely kill my stomach if i didnt it. pretty much squeezing it 4 times a minute, the colic pain much more like kaya orang dapet hari pertama. i ate some teri before i realized that my tongue itched. shit. i didnt finish the teri.
after i finished, i took the drug and tried to get some sleep. the drug usually drugs me off, i can sleep for 6 hours without any chance the alarm wakes me. it puts me to sleep like a dead. but not last night. after i took the drug, i set to sleep, but it was getting harder to get some air. at first, i said to myself, this is just asthma, i just needed to take the second pill.
but nope, i felt the sensation of choke, the chest hurt, and i need to breath via my mouth. hmm..this wasnt felt like asthma. i looked at the mirror. damn, this is not happening to me. i got perioral cyanosis. i needed to tell somebody to take me to the hospital. i put my crazy black abaya, pake jilbab apa adanya, i called danar. he was in bekasi, astri lagi di kamar dina, no way she could reach my room fast enough, i rushed to mani and puni's room.
thanked god they were there. mani looked at me like she was seeing ghost. (later she told me that she can see 'things', so at first she really thought im a ghost, she told me she needed some time to make sure that im a human being, because of my long black abaya). mani supported me to walk down the stair and i told her, i dont think i could make it to the hospital by walk. god damned me, i really could not get any air. so, bapak yang jaga kosan nganterin gw pake motor. it was cold, i chilled all over my body, my lips was numb.
so that was the story last night. i went to igd, siapa sangka yang meriksa gw adalah dicky, setelah sekian lama ga ketemu, it wasnt a nice meeting. the nurse put me on nebu, the doctor asked whether i prefer to dexa injection or per oral. i got allergy to sulfa, last night i discover i allergy to ikan teri (oh no), who knows if i got allergy to injected dexa?
thank god to sending me mani and puni and the bapak (mani called him 'the bapak'). and actually mani discovered that my acral was cold, my capillary refill lasted more than 2 seconds, then the doc measured my bp, it was 100/70.my usual is 110/70. and i got terrible headache, the doc said that was because my brain didnt get much oxygen. it got hypoxic (its funny when the term actually happened for real to me) astri nyusul, n akhirnya dia tidur di kamar gw semalem, sorry ciw. hehe.makasih juga buat dr. arin yang baik bgt smalem when i got so panicked, she calmed it down. butuh banyak banget dokter kaya dia.
that was the first heart-attacking-experience for me. i remembered that my mom got her second severe allergic reaction (the last time, my dad injected her dexa after discovering the perioral cyanosis, thats why i figured i need to go to the hospital, because the color of the peri-lips pale i saw last night) and my brother had that once.
i dont have so much feeling of freedom in choosing what i am going to eat anymore. *will see how long this feeling last, because i just love eating. :) i breathe right now.
clicks.
i love lovely words. so, please let me put that this way,
"we've been sharing love in any forms, from the tiniest, the crankiest way, the most tolerant way, and those are the brick of what we have right now."
what do we have right know? yang kita punya adalah only milliseconds to click again after years apart. yang kita punya was one easy introduction to be continued into that kinda bricks.
ayo mulai cerita.
"hi yudha, boleh tau kita bakal ketemu adik-adik jam brapa?"
"idealnya sih jam 10. mudah-mudahan ga ngaret, kak dinda."
i had no idea whos on earth he was. but it was easy to end up having dinner of ten to twelve of us,
strangers with the capability of making an instant intimacy.
juga cerita namira dan baim. i just bad in story-telling.
"we've been sharing love in any forms, from the tiniest, the crankiest way, the most tolerant way, and those are the brick of what we have right now."
what do we have right know? yang kita punya adalah only milliseconds to click again after years apart. yang kita punya was one easy introduction to be continued into that kinda bricks.
ayo mulai cerita.
"hi yudha, boleh tau kita bakal ketemu adik-adik jam brapa?"
"idealnya sih jam 10. mudah-mudahan ga ngaret, kak dinda."
i had no idea whos on earth he was. but it was easy to end up having dinner of ten to twelve of us,
strangers with the capability of making an instant intimacy.
juga cerita namira dan baim. i just bad in story-telling.
omnia causa fiunt
everything happens for a reason.
1) termasuk kenapa gw memilih untuk replied and continued the conversation with a stranger this morning.
2) including why i chose to attend james gwee's seminar which turned out to be a disaster for me, because i tried too hard to like the topic, but i didnt, at all, like it and it was a failure to fail trying. i opened myself to receive all the knowledge he'd been trying to share, i just....a snob medical student, who cannot relate any of his economic theories into my daily routines.
i think i dont have the talent to be an entrepreneur. never cross in my head to live looking for money, even though indeed we need it, even though indeed we have to be rich. i found it hard to please the humanistic desire without you being poor even to afford yourself.
3) including how teh nada reminded me to re-assess the understanding of "laa illaha illallah ",which means there is nothing to be feared, nothing to be worshipped, but Allah.
for that iman tanpa amal itu dusta, amal tanpa iman itu sia-sia.
i am not trying to be religious or anything, neither i am being an instant pious. i just found it easy to make this as a way of life. i havent thought about this before, to actually implement the worshiping to the daily basis, without make it an obvious, show-off-ing religious ritual. being modest in worshiping if i may conclude that way. hope you got what i meant.
4) for i stated to a friend recently that i dont acknowledge other religions beside islam,. i just do respect the way you wanna live.
so, live mighty, live righteously.
1) termasuk kenapa gw memilih untuk replied and continued the conversation with a stranger this morning.
2) including why i chose to attend james gwee's seminar which turned out to be a disaster for me, because i tried too hard to like the topic, but i didnt, at all, like it and it was a failure to fail trying. i opened myself to receive all the knowledge he'd been trying to share, i just....a snob medical student, who cannot relate any of his economic theories into my daily routines.
i think i dont have the talent to be an entrepreneur. never cross in my head to live looking for money, even though indeed we need it, even though indeed we have to be rich. i found it hard to please the humanistic desire without you being poor even to afford yourself.
3) including how teh nada reminded me to re-assess the understanding of "laa illaha illallah ",which means there is nothing to be feared, nothing to be worshipped, but Allah.
for that iman tanpa amal itu dusta, amal tanpa iman itu sia-sia.
i am not trying to be religious or anything, neither i am being an instant pious. i just found it easy to make this as a way of life. i havent thought about this before, to actually implement the worshiping to the daily basis, without make it an obvious, show-off-ing religious ritual. being modest in worshiping if i may conclude that way. hope you got what i meant.
4) for i stated to a friend recently that i dont acknowledge other religions beside islam,. i just do respect the way you wanna live.
so, live mighty, live righteously.
young and wild and free
so what we get drunk
so what we smoked weed
we're just having fun,
we dont care who sees
so what we go out,
that hows it supposed to be
living young and wild and free.
(ini lagu enak bgt, except the rap part ya)
blog itu weed nya sebagian temen2 gw dan gw, that makes blogging as our smoking break
tidur itu our drunk-state. kadang ga kekontrol
apalagi kalo badan remuk, kepala kaya setan yang mengganggu manusia dari kanan kiri atas bawah.
sama makan enak deh. these are my way to live young wild and free.
sampe akhirnya hari ini gw mentoring dan tiba2 merasa banyaak yang mesti dipelajarin.
ilmu akidah. biar gw ga kebingungan ama hal2 kecil e.c. ga ngerti garis besar beragama tuh kaya gimana. biar gw mengkotak2an manusia muslim cuma berdasarkan hal2 yang sebenernya bukan masalah. ya gitulah.
ilmu akidah itu katanya kaya ilmu kedokteran. ya ada definisinya, ada batasan definisi, pengklasifikasian, tatalaksana, dll. mungkin nanti gw bikin semacam mindmappingnya kalo bisa.
terus biasanya, abis maghrib itu target tilawah berdasarkan 'ain ada dimana, surat baru berapa halaman lagi, atau juz baru ada di halaman mana, terus ngebuuuttt bacanya, biar cpt beres sebelum ramadhan. tapi pas mentoring tadi, tiba2 disentil ama Allah, via teh nada. sampe akhirnya baca 1 halaman tuh luamaa bgt. gara2 salah sana sini. myeee. abis mentoring. gw harus disiplin. target tilawah pake acuan waktu aja, terserah mau dpt seberapa, yg penting bacanya bener. mmm, walopun berarti bljr sabar lagi.
baca aja gw belum bisa ini. jungkir balik bgt yaampun Gustii
tadinya gw mau daftar les nari ama bahasa inggris. apa gw ganti jadi ama tpa aja lagi ya? yang mana ajalah, yang penting jgn tidur -_-"
times up. gw harus ciao dr blogger.com.
so what we smoked weed
we're just having fun,
we dont care who sees
so what we go out,
that hows it supposed to be
living young and wild and free.
(ini lagu enak bgt, except the rap part ya)
blog itu weed nya sebagian temen2 gw dan gw, that makes blogging as our smoking break
tidur itu our drunk-state. kadang ga kekontrol
apalagi kalo badan remuk, kepala kaya setan yang mengganggu manusia dari kanan kiri atas bawah.
sama makan enak deh. these are my way to live young wild and free.
sampe akhirnya hari ini gw mentoring dan tiba2 merasa banyaak yang mesti dipelajarin.
ilmu akidah. biar gw ga kebingungan ama hal2 kecil e.c. ga ngerti garis besar beragama tuh kaya gimana. biar gw mengkotak2an manusia muslim cuma berdasarkan hal2 yang sebenernya bukan masalah. ya gitulah.
ilmu akidah itu katanya kaya ilmu kedokteran. ya ada definisinya, ada batasan definisi, pengklasifikasian, tatalaksana, dll. mungkin nanti gw bikin semacam mindmappingnya kalo bisa.
terus biasanya, abis maghrib itu target tilawah berdasarkan 'ain ada dimana, surat baru berapa halaman lagi, atau juz baru ada di halaman mana, terus ngebuuuttt bacanya, biar cpt beres sebelum ramadhan. tapi pas mentoring tadi, tiba2 disentil ama Allah, via teh nada. sampe akhirnya baca 1 halaman tuh luamaa bgt. gara2 salah sana sini. myeee. abis mentoring. gw harus disiplin. target tilawah pake acuan waktu aja, terserah mau dpt seberapa, yg penting bacanya bener. mmm, walopun berarti bljr sabar lagi.
baca aja gw belum bisa ini. jungkir balik bgt yaampun Gustii
tadinya gw mau daftar les nari ama bahasa inggris. apa gw ganti jadi ama tpa aja lagi ya? yang mana ajalah, yang penting jgn tidur -_-"
times up. gw harus ciao dr blogger.com.
peluk yafidy, peluk auuuu!!
aku dikasih benang wool ama buku belajar ngerajut!
"dear dinda, rajutlah setiap simpulnya, dengan cinta. happy birthday!"
so, today sparkles.
*sayang ga ada foto barengnya.. jd ga bisa aku upload di fb deh,,
*serangan peluk!
"dear dinda, rajutlah setiap simpulnya, dengan cinta. happy birthday!"
so, today sparkles.
*sayang ga ada foto barengnya.. jd ga bisa aku upload di fb deh,,
*serangan peluk!
darwin's award #1
darwin's award itu adalah award untuk the dumbest statement of the day dari mr. galvas untuk muridnya yang dodol. kenapa darwin? karena mr. galvas berpendapat bahwa teori darwin bahwa manusia berasal dari monyet itu bener2 dumb.
siapakah mr galvas? mr galvas itu guru di kelas human anatomy gw. sejauh ini, dia itu guru yang paling menarik, paling hebat, paling paling paling yang lain. the best teacher ever.
banyak banget yang dpt darwin;s award. dan entah kenapa, walopun bodoh, gw seneng dapet darwin's award
mr galvas akan ngasih kertas yang tulisannya:
darwin's award from galvas to herdinda: for mismatching the shoes she bought.
ceritanya, gw beli sepatu converse baru. setelah 3 bulan gw pake, gw baru sadar, kalo sepatu gw itu yang kanan ukuran 5, yang kiri ukuran 6.
dan dia bilang, " i dont know the culture in indonesia, but here in US, we dont usually use shoes with different size."
salah satu darwin's award yang gw inget: untuk temen gw, siapaa gitu: for asking, "galvas, is that how you spell 'sword'?" --> maksudnya, gw aja yang org indonesia tau cara ngespell sword, masa anak umur 17 tahun ga tau cara ngespell sword?
gw mau bikin darwin's award juga hari ini untuk aulia khairani:
dinda: gw rasa 10-15 tahun lagi, orang naik mobil diharusin pake helm deh (setelah ada motor kurang ajar nikung sembarangan).. dulu aja orang ga diharusin pake seatbelt, sekarang harus.
aulia: eh, jaman dulu mobil juga udah punya 'trash bag' tapi kan?
dinda, dina, astri: air bag kaleeeee.
so she thought trashbag saves a life.
When life was much alive
Puas bahwa diri ini optimal membagi manfaat.
Puas. That's what has been missing.
Kadang2 lupa, sebenarnya bukan puas yg dicari, bukan manfaat diri ke org lain yg dicari. Tapi ridho n berkahnya Allah
mengemis berkah Allah, rasanya lebih maknyus pada saat itu.
May The Lord bless.
*kangen aulia asmarantaka sama mr.galvas.
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cerita transisi
tadinya mau gw judulin: cerita kepompong. tapi kalo ditelaah dari judul, berarti kaya itik jelek yang berubah jadi the beautiful swan. tapi ga semua perubahan itu ke arah yang baik. walaupun definisi baik itu tergantung sudut pandang masing2 orang, dan sudut pandang Sang Pencipta yang ngasih reward di dunia setelah ini.
jadilah gw pilih transisi, dimana ujung tali satunya lagi, belum ketauan baik atau engga. cuma berubah aja.
so, lately, gw lagi mengikuti perjalanan secuil-cuil kehidupan seseorang yang gw ga tau siapa. dari awal dia bikin blog, ampe beberapa tahun setelahnya. perubahannya keliatan banget dari tulisannya. yah, inilah yang kadang membuat gw pengen nerusin nulis jurnal (bukan diary ya, journal. biar ga terkesan girly mid-teen gitu)
so deep within, indeed we are changing ya?
cerita orang ini amazed me quite hard. mungkin gw ga cerita tentang details of the stories. intinya, suatu kepercayaan itu bukan hal yang diajarkan, kepercayaan itu hal yang tumbuh. including agama, faith. orang ini banyak bikin gw berpikir tentang agama (religion) dan agama/kepercayaan (faith).
orang ini mengalami tuh (kayanya sih, ini kan sesuai dengan interpretasi personal gw) dari religion ke faith. kasarnya dan gampangnya ya, dari shalat yang cuma menggugurkan kewajiban, sampai dia ngerti betul kenapa kita harus mengaji Al-Quran (ini sih contoh basic dari gw aja, dia ga exactly mention the changes/the object of what changes).
then what i adore, the bravery to tell the truth di blog. this person apparently had the gut to stand up to what s/he believes, be able to announce the deepest of his/her thoughts. and s/he leaves the end to the audience, terserah pembacanya mau ngeinterprete apa.. termasuk perubahan yang dia sampaikan itu.
dan walking along the changes dari gaya nulisnya itu, its just fascinating. selamat berkarya, the author.
jadilah gw pilih transisi, dimana ujung tali satunya lagi, belum ketauan baik atau engga. cuma berubah aja.
so, lately, gw lagi mengikuti perjalanan secuil-cuil kehidupan seseorang yang gw ga tau siapa. dari awal dia bikin blog, ampe beberapa tahun setelahnya. perubahannya keliatan banget dari tulisannya. yah, inilah yang kadang membuat gw pengen nerusin nulis jurnal (bukan diary ya, journal. biar ga terkesan girly mid-teen gitu)
so deep within, indeed we are changing ya?
cerita orang ini amazed me quite hard. mungkin gw ga cerita tentang details of the stories. intinya, suatu kepercayaan itu bukan hal yang diajarkan, kepercayaan itu hal yang tumbuh. including agama, faith. orang ini banyak bikin gw berpikir tentang agama (religion) dan agama/kepercayaan (faith).
orang ini mengalami tuh (kayanya sih, ini kan sesuai dengan interpretasi personal gw) dari religion ke faith. kasarnya dan gampangnya ya, dari shalat yang cuma menggugurkan kewajiban, sampai dia ngerti betul kenapa kita harus mengaji Al-Quran (ini sih contoh basic dari gw aja, dia ga exactly mention the changes/the object of what changes).
then what i adore, the bravery to tell the truth di blog. this person apparently had the gut to stand up to what s/he believes, be able to announce the deepest of his/her thoughts. and s/he leaves the end to the audience, terserah pembacanya mau ngeinterprete apa.. termasuk perubahan yang dia sampaikan itu.
dan walking along the changes dari gaya nulisnya itu, its just fascinating. selamat berkarya, the author.
like im talking, like one will respond.
in the end-linkin park. an old song, i heard in the right moment, thank God to streaming technology.
It starts with
One thing I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It's so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, but didn't even know
Or wasted it all just to watch you go
I kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be
A memory of a time when
I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter
One thing, I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised
It got so far
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me in the end
You kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be
A memory of a time when
I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There's only one thing you should know
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There's only one thing you should know
I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter
#people will forget what you say, they wont forget how you make them feel.
in the end-linkin park. an old song, i heard in the right moment, thank God to streaming technology.
It starts with
One thing I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It's so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, but didn't even know
Or wasted it all just to watch you go
I kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be
A memory of a time when
I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter
One thing, I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised
It got so far
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me in the end
You kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be
A memory of a time when
I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There's only one thing you should know
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There's only one thing you should know
I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter
#people will forget what you say, they wont forget how you make them feel.
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